As wonderful as marriages are, they can be difficult and stressful.
Marriage does not come with an instruction manual and is an ongoing process.
No matter how happy the spouses are at the beginning, it does not mean it will be so later because of many obstacles.
Why are people usually not happy in marriage? In addition to the serious problems that can occur, huge reasons for dissatisfaction in marriage are differences between partners, lack of trust, intimacy, empathy, and different priorities in life.
Did you know that many of these problems can be solved with tiny changes that can do wonders?
We want to emphasize that severe problems in marriage, such as physical and mental abuse, are not discussed in this article because it is something that small changes cannot solve and save.
Our goal is to save what can be saved, which is your marital happiness.
Many are unaware they can make significant positive steps in their marriage with tiny changes.
Change doesn’t always have to be grandiose and huge. Small changes daily can lead to much better results.
We have prepared many great tips for you, so sit back and be sure to read to the end.
I’m Not Getting What I Need In My Marriage? 5 Most Common Reasons
According to statistics, married people are happier than unmarried people.
Unfortunately, you don’t feel that way and wonder where your marital happiness has gone.
Each marriage is a story of its own, but we will list the most common reasons for dissatisfaction in marriage.
All these are potential reasons why marriages do not last in 2022.
You will probably find something relatable to your marriage in the reasons mentioned below:
1. Lack of Understanding and Patience Between Spouses
“Love is when you can understand each other silences.”
You don’t understand each other when you are silent.
That silence between you echoes and makes you even more distant.
But you don’t understand each other even when you talk and shout at each other.
In fact, it’s like you’re speaking another language.
Understanding is the pillar of any relationship, and it is challenging to have a quality relationship without it.
If we don’t understand our partner, he can take it as if we don’t care about him.
Where there is a lack of understanding, there is also a lack of patience.
Lack of understanding and patience accompany the arguments.
They can’t control themselves and say something they don’t mean.
That’s why marriages today very often break up too quickly.
What could have been a success story eventually breaks at the first stumbling block.
Your parents or grandparents would probably say now that marriages didn’t end so quickly in their day.
The fact that marriages end so quickly is a good thing if there is abuse in that marriage or if the spouses are simply not for each other.
However, it is bad because the marriage has to be stronger from the problems and not give up on that bumpy ride.
Many potentially wonderful marriages have ended because of a lack of patience.
2. Partner Changed After Marriage
You were in a relationship, and everything was perfect.
Now you’re married and wondering who this person is.
It is much more typical for husbands to change in their marriage, but this also applies to women.
It has to do with the fact that men are natural conquerors, and when they conquer something, they are bored.
Some men in relationships are ready to do anything for their girlfriends, but when they get married, they change completely.
But marriage is not something you buy in a store and own now.
Marriage is an ongoing process that should always be worked on.
That’s why it often happens in marriage that one partner changes completely because he no longer has to work on that relationship.
A wonderful partner in a relationship or a totally different partner in a marriage – Which version is his real personality?
3. Disagreement in Household Tasks
All marriages have these problems sometimes, but that doesn’t diminish how tiring they can be.
Arguments about who will wash the dishes and take out the trash sound trivial, but they can also lead to divorce.
This is especially common if one partner is not ready for marriage and adult life.
He jumped into marriage from a comfortable life with his parents, completely unprepared for everything marriage entails.
This type of person is used to expecting too much from others instead of doing something himself.
Of course, his spouse will tell him that he is spoiled and lazy and that his parents did not allow him to be independent enough.
Probably such a partner does not want to move out of his parent’s house.
Both men and women can be labeled lazy because they neglect household duties.
In traditional marriages, it is still considered that the woman must do everything around the house and that the man’s chore is only his job.
Such traditional narratives do not pass in today’s society as before.
A woman may choose to be a housewife, but that does not mean she should do all the work.
It is incredibly annoying to constantly remind our partner to do something.
If he is the type who is told that there is a problem in the house like the washing machine is leaking, and he says this is fine.
He does nothing until the water reaches the living room.
Or even worse, if he says he will do something and does nothing.
If you have found yourself in this situation, do not be surprised that your partner does not believe you even if you are telling the truth.
4. Different Views on Parenting
Parenthood is wonderful but also difficult.
It requires both partners to be involved, and one partner cannot do everything about the children alone.
You may even think that your spouse thinks parenting has ruined his life or that he doesn’t like being a parent.
Of course, you will be unhappy if all the responsibilities around the children fall on you.
And these are not only chores; there are also important decisions related to raising children in which both partners should participate.
5. Lack of Intimacy and Affection
Is there intimacy, closeness, and affection in your marriage?
When was the last time you and your partner had sex?
Ok, you don’t want to answer that question, or you can’t even remember.
And do you hold hands like you used to? A gentle hug when you see each other after work or a cuddle when you watch a movie?
Intimacy is not just sex, although sex is essential.
Life routine, lack of time, stress, and obligations contribute to a lack of intimacy and affection.
There is also the possibility that there is no physical attraction as before.
This naturally leads to insecurities and further distancing between partners.
6. Spouses No Longer Share The Same Values
We all have our own interests, but marriage is a community and should be based on shared values and attitudes.
Partners cannot think oppositely about everything and still function.
Do opposites attract each other? Maybe in the beginning, but later not really.
You are unhappy because you realize that you and your partner diverge more and more in your opinions on life.
While your partner wants you to live a simple life and never leave your hometown, you want to travel and explore.
A partner chases money and a career, while you are not just about material things but more about spiritual.
To him, you leaving your job and pursuing a career as a freelance writer is the biggest mistake you’ve ever made.
Maybe the job was stable, but it made you depressed because you knew it was not for you.
Similar disagreements can lead to arguments and the realization that you are not for each other.
Should You Fight For Your Marriage or Let Go?
This is a question that only you know the answer to.
Whatever we tell you, the answer is deep inside you, and you know it.
If you feel that your marriage is on the road of no return, nothing we say can stop you from ending it.
However, we will emphasize again that too many marriages that can be a happy and successful end in a hasty divorce.
So stop and think carefully if your marriage has a future.
12 Tiny Changes to Improve Your Marriage
You’re still reading; that means you still believe in your marriage.
We are pleased about that!
For this purpose, we have prepared some tips that will help you improve your marriage.
Let’s get started:
1. Solve Problems Without Arguing
“Communication to a relationship is like oxygen is to life.”
Don’t get into that arguing mode where no one wants to shut up, but you both have to prove you’re right.
Healthy communication is the key to a healthy marriage.
Which means appreciating everything your partner has to say and allowing them to express their opinions.
2. Don’t Play Mind Games
Just don’t. You won’t get anything even though it seems like you do.
The blame game, playing a victim, guilt-tripping, whatever, just let it be in the past.
It is possible to have healthy boundaries in a relationship without being controlling.
If your partner plays these games on you, make it clear to him that this is immature and does not contribute to your relationship.
Marriage is not about outsmarting your partner; it’s about working together to solve problems.
3. Forgive and Forget
We know it’s hard to forgive some things sometimes.
It depends on what your partner did.
If he cheated on you and you can’t get over the cheating, that’s the apparent end of your relationship.
In marriage, it is best to forgive quickly and forget even faster.
We are not all perfect, and we all make mistakes.
Today your partner will make a mistake; tomorrow, you will. That’s just how life goes.
What is important is that you do not hold grudges against your partner.
It would be best if you didn’t hold grudges against anyone because it only hurts you.
4. Stop Nagging
Nagging is not communication, and nagging does nothing good.
It’s counterproductive because it irritates your partner and creates resentment.
If you love someone and want to spend your life with them, you may have to get used to some of their bad habits.
We are not saying that you must put up with something that clearly bothers you.
If your husband does not respect boundaries with female colleagues, that is a clear example of something you shouldn’t allow.
But if he has some habits that bother you, for example, he likes to leave his clothes on the chairs, which drives you crazy, maybe you’ll realize that that’s just how he is.
The energy you lose nagging him is better spent picking up that clothes.
We know this sounds like you’re pandering to him, but does he do the same for you?
What if you have a bad habit of being late everywhere because you’re getting ready forever?
He has already come to terms with the fact that he will be late everywhere because of you, and he doesn’t nag you about that anymore.
If he could stop, then so can you.
A partner is not perfect, and we must accept some of his bad characteristics.
5. Organize Household Chores
We have already said what kind of problems in a marriage can be caused by arguments over housework.
And there are responsibilities around children.
We believe that two people who love each other can agree on a proper household chores schedule so that no one gets angry.
Husbands are often the target of criticism for not doing enough at home and not participating sufficiently in supervising the children.
The most important thing is to understand that the husband is not a guest in his own house and that he is also the parent of his children.
6. Talk About Everything With Your Partner
We mentioned the importance of communication in solving fundamental problems. Here, we are talking about more relaxed conversations.
How many topics and interests do you and your partner have in common?
You can always talk about the beginnings of your relationship, the first date, the kiss, and similar.
Talk about the future, about finances, about children…
And to know that there is always something to talk about.
Just the question, “How was your day” opens up space for a quality conversation.
Let the retelling of each other’s day remain a part of your relationship.
7. Work on Intimacy
We understand that intimacy in marriage can be very easily overlooked.
In addition to the sparks dying off a bit because you’ve been together for a long time, there are other factors.
Life problems, stress, obligations, and finances, if there are children too, it is no wonder that there is too little time for intimacy.
And when there is, you decide to do something else because you are too tired.
It’s time to change that because intimacy is the foundation of a good marriage.
Intimacy immediately implies sex; of course, it is part of intimacy and is super important, but not only sex.
Here are some tips to increase intimacy in your marriage:
- Hold hands when walking, even to the grocery store.
- Give each other a gentle hug when you see each other after work.
- Cuddle when you’re watching a movie, but don’t turn the cuddle into sex.
- Every day kiss and make out for at least 30 seconds.
- Don’t forget pillow talk before and after sex and before sleeping.
8. Prioritize Date Night
Why don’t you and your spouse have date nights like you used to?
These are the same reasons why intimacy decreases as well.
When you started your relationship, you had much fewer responsibilities than now, and life was simpler.
If you also have children now, then your time just for the two of you has decreased.
All this should not be an excuse to neglect your relationship.
Because in addition to being parents, you are still husband and wife.
Ideally, having an evening for yourself and your partner at least once a week would be best.
Grandparents’ babysitting can help you go out and have a good time.
But you don’t even have to leave the house to have a date night.
Finish your chores earlier, maybe you’re lucky, and the kids cooperate and go to bed earlier, and you can have a perfect time at home.
There must be excitement and anticipation between partners because they know they will have special time for themselves.
Bonus Tip: Don’t be too serious
Yes, you are adults, probably parents too, but that doesn’t mean you have to always be some overly serious adults who can never have fun.
Maybe your idea of having fun has changed, and you just want to go out to a nice restaurant, but feel free to do other fun things.
Feel free to go to town fare, karaoke bars, and concerts.
There is no age limit for fun.
9. Don’t Stand in The Way of Your Partner’s Dreams
Instead, support and encourage his dreams.
Don’t hold your partner back, no matter how stupid something may seem to you.
Even if you think it will pass quickly and he will forget about it, don’t be rude.
Imagine your partner wants to change his career and do something he loves that makes him happy, and you tell him that he wants to do nothing.
Even if it’s a hobby, let him do it. Even you can join him, why not.
10. Practice Well-being Activities With a Partner
Whatever suits you here.
Exercising at home or in the gym, cycling, or running a marathon.
There is also the preparation of healthy and nutritious food.
All this will bring you closer to your partner, and as a bonus, you will be more attractive to each other.
11. Go The Extra Mile
In marriage, there is no standard for who exactly did what for whom and how it should be returned to him.
Marriage is not a bargain market.
You don’t always have to do more than you usually do, but sometimes it’s nice to go that extra mile for your partner.
It doesn’t have to be much; tiny things make wonder.
When you’re at the store, buy him that candy he likes the most, even though it wasn’t on the shopping list.
Even though it’s his turn to clean the house, if you notice he’s tired, do it yourself.
A true partner will appreciate you for everything you do for him.
12. Say Thank You
Instead of being constantly dissatisfied with your partner, try being grateful for the change.
The worst thing is if you compare your partner with others.
Imagine that the situation is the opposite. Let’s say your husband comments on how beautiful and handsome other women are; how would you feel?
Sometimes we don’t appreciate enough what we have, and we idealize too much what we don’t have.
You know how it goes, you see that the grass is always greener in the other yard, but you don’t know how many roots are underneath.
To Wrap This All Up
“Divorce is 50-50. Marriage has to be 100-100. It isn’t dividing everything in half but giving everything you’ve got!”
This does not mean you must apply all these tips at once.
Let it be spontaneous, and what you think works for you and your partner.
In any case, know that tiny changes can do wonders and make your marriage flourish. Good luck!