When we get married, we promise to always be there for each other.
That is the basis of marriage, to be there for your partner for better and worse.
Maybe that’s how marriage starts, but then life usually happens.
After a honeymoon, a year, or several years pass, things can change.
One partner can get lazy and leave the other to struggle with all the chores in the house.
In this case, we are talking about your husband.
When we say that someone is lazy, we imagine someone who does nothing all day, but it doesn’t have to be that way.
What if your husband works all day? What’s the problem then?
The problem is that your husband only contributes to your family with a paycheck.
Everything else he says he will do but never does.
You’re already used to it, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t eat you up inside.
He doesn’t do whatever he says he will do, from taking out the trash to driving the kids to school.
Even that undiscarded garbage can create conflicts between you.
This way, you can feel he does not respect and value you enough.
Why is your husband like this, and how can you change his habits to save your marriage?
Keep reading this article to find out.
Traditional Gender Roles
We’re getting into a touchy subject, but we must mention the traditional work division between husband and wife.
What if your husband is the traditional type? You know how this goes; he is a man, he goes to the forest to hunt prey, and the woman prepares lunch.
Maybe he was raised that way.
If he watched this behavior from his parents, he would likely adopt those behavior patterns.
In different environments, we can still observe this pattern of behavior as dominant, mainly in less urban ones.
News flash for him: times have changed!
That pattern of behavior may have been adequate in the Middle Ages when men went to war and women stayed home to take care of the family.
The biggest war he can go into now is the war for free parking at the supermarket.
He doesn’t have to go to the forest. All the food is waiting in the supermarket, and he doesn’t have to hunt for it.
If he is not going to prepare food and spend the whole day in the kitchen, the least he can do is to at least go grocery shopping after work.
The same goes for housework. Your husband will not be less of a man if he vacuums the house or washes the dishes; he will be a bigger man for you then.
You and Your Husband Have Different Approaches to Problems
We are still on touchy subjects, and it may seem like we are generalizing a bit, but men and women differ in their approach to obligations.
Men like to solve one problem at a time, focusing on one thing, which women sometimes don’t understand, and conflict occurs.
Does it seem to you that your husband avoids talking about problems?
Your husband is putting off doing something because he is uncomfortable.
He is uncomfortable because he doesn’t know how to do it.
You also have those extreme examples of men who would rather let something not function in the house than calling a handyman because they don’t want someone else to do it.
It’s crazy to you, but men don’t like not knowing how to do something, especially if it’s a “manly” job.
Men are expected to know how to solve problems around the house.
They feel that their masculinity is threatened in this way.
Is My Husband Lazy?
Every time we mention laziness, we walk a fine line because not all laziness is the same.
We will explain through three examples:
Your husband works a full-time job, and you are currently not working.
Maybe you are a housewife who takes care of the house and the family.
He comes home like a hero with that well-known “Honey, I’m home” and expects everything to be perfect.
As if nothing will ever break in the house or you just need help.
Being a housewife does not mean you are his maid.
It is understandable that if he is the only provider in the family, he does not have to immediately go from heavy work to completing household chores.
But complete abstinence from all household chores makes him a guest in his own house.
Both you and your husband work full-time jobs.
He behaves the same when he finishes work, as if you were not working.
So the standard: couch, remote, game, beer, video games all day, etc.
You are expected to finish your work and then start another full-time job, which is responsibilities around the house.
Your husband does not work and does not want to work.
He’s completely lazy and unmotivated, and he doesn’t really seem to care.
There is no need to further explain what kind of husband we are talking about here.
My Husband Thinks He Does Nothing Wrong
It is difficult to explain to someone that he is wrong.
What if your husband is a “spoiled” person.
The first people we think of are his parents. Did they not prepare him well for life and spoil him to the extent that he did not learn any responsibility?
Maybe you also spoiled him by letting him not do something even though he promised you many times.
It is difficult to expect a spoiled person to be consistent with his words.
What if your husband is a carefree and more relaxed type of person?
He doesn’t stress too much about schedules, time, or obligations.
If his motto is “Hakuna Matata,” don’t worry type of attitude, you shouldn’t be surprised that he doesn’t do something he says he’s going to do.
It’s nice to have that attitude about life. But it’s easy for him to be like that when you’re there to care for everything.
It probably annoys you, especially if he is a “fun dad” who lets the kids do everything while you are considered boring.
Maybe he just doesn’t notice that he’s doing something wrong.
Marriage and life sometimes get into a routine.
The same things are repeated daily without thinking about the consequences and whether they hurt someone. In this case, you are the person who is hurt by his behavior.
How Does This Behavior Affect Your Marriage?
To understand the consequences, you must first question how you feel about it.
In the beginning, you may not have paid attention, and you quickly get over that he never does what he says he will do.
Now, all that has accumulated, and you feel it is disturbing your relationship.
Not keeping your word actually disrupts all relationships, especially marital ones.
In marriage, everything is based on mutual trust and that feeling that you can rely on your loved one.
You feel that he doesn’t appreciate and respect you enough and that he doesn’t care about you.
It’s not just one piece of trash that wasn’t thrown out and the one time he forgot to pick up the kids from school that got you there.
In the end, you wonder how far this will go, and will it make you stop caring about him?
Are you already starting to hate his job because his brain is always there?
How to Change This Behavior of Your Husband?
1. Approach the conversation diplomatically
There is never anything from a direct attack.
A much better strategy is to approach the conversation pleasantly at a time when you know your husband will listen.
He is obliged to always listen to you, but the situation is such that you will have to choose a good moment.
2. Be concise and direct
Do not beat around the bushes, but directly state what your husband should do.
The more precise, the better.
3. One task at a time
Again, we’re going to be a little stereotypical of men and say they’re best when they have one task.
Don’t overwhelm him too much because he might really forget something he said he would do.
4. Tell him how you feel
Explain to him how bad you feel when he doesn’t do what he says.
Tell him how breaking his word hurts and that he needs to stop if he cares about you.
5. Team mentality
You and your husband should be a team.
If you two work as a team, you will share all the chores and responsibilities and know that you are contributing to your marriage.
When he does something you say, he does it not only for you but also for himself.
What Really Matter is,
This behavior of your husband can seriously shake your marriage.
It’s up to you to let him know how badly it’s affecting your relationship, and it’s up to him to take it seriously.
It’s time for him to learn to keep his word.