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Why My Partner is Lazy and Unmotivated – 5 Reasons

There can be many red flags you easily miss noticing at the beginning of a relationship.

When you are in love, everything seems perfect. But, as time goes on, those tiny issues that even looked charming at first start to bother you.

What once seemed like a laid-back attitude now seems like a complete lack of motivation.

You start finding explanations and excuses for your partner, but eventually, you run out of them, and you start wondering why is your partner lazy and unmotivated.

Before you completely give up on him, it may be helpful to understand the reasons behind his laziness and lack of motivation.

He Was Raised to Be Lazy 

marriage living problems and conflict

Some men are raised to believe that a man’s job is only to provide while a woman is in charge of everything else around the household, children, social gatherings, outdoor activities, etc.

They are so brainwashed that they fail to see that women earn and work just as hard as men.

When you ask such a man if he would ever expect his best friend to cook for him, wash his laundry or pick up his socks from the floor, his answer is always, of course, not.

He is raised to believe that he doesn’t have to do anything more than take care of himself.

He probably watched his mother break her back working around the house while his father was watching TV in the living room – or similar scenes of family life – you get the picture.

If, on the other hand, you enable this kind of behavior by taking on all the responsibilities, you are just keeping him unmotivated in his carefree bubble.

This kind of attitude is very hard to change and takes a lot of time and patience, often even the professional intervention of a marriage counselor. 

Is Your Husband Depressed?

stresful young man

If he wasn’t always lazy and unmotivated but started behaving that way just recently, he might be hiding some disappointment or loss.

When you lose something that mattered to you or get disappointed in someone – friend, colleague, project, or what have you it is natural that you temporarily lose motivation and interest in things that once brought you joy.

Men often refuse to admit that they are sad, which makes them feel too vulnerable, which only makes things worse for them.

They keep their disappointment bottled up, and that eventually leads to the symptoms of depression.

The best thing you can do if this is the situation is to show him support and understanding and to encourage him to talk about what makes him feel that way.

Just talking about what’s hurting him often removes the pressure, and he starts feeling the zest for life again. 

He Does Not Need Anything More 

He has a job, and he has you; what more could a man want. Some men live their life as if they were a list of tasks that need to be done – graduate, find a job, find a partner.

Once they tick all the tasks, they switch to hibernation mode. Typically, it takes a massive stressful event or life change to wake them up.

Otherwise, you’ll probably have to come up with new task lists all the time to keep him alert.

But don’t expect any initiative from his side. It is simply not in his nature.

You can make him do more around the house and children if you have them, but you will not make him look for a better job, invest in higher education, etc.

If this type of relationship suits you, you’ll easily keep him going by always giving him something to do. 

He Believes His Job is More Important Than Yours 

Woman doing chores using vacuum cleaner on carpet and lazy man on sofa

Maybe he is earning more, so he believes that he should be excused from household chores.

Maybe he is in a higher position than you are, or his profession may have more social recognition than yours.

Whatever was behind his belief that his job is more important than yours usually hides an even more problematic belief – that he is intrinsically worthier than you.

Even when you make him share some responsibility around the house or with children, this type of man will feel and act resentful, as if you jeopardized his God-given privilege.

Unfortunately, there’s not much you can do with a man with such a strong conviction. The thing is, he is not lazy or unmotivated.

He simply believes you should serve him. 

He Refuses to Grow Up 

Sometimes, people can become lazy and unmotivated when they unconsciously refuse to move to the next phase of their life.

Suppose you two as a couple are facing some major life decision.

In that case, if you’ve been considering living together, getting married, or having a child, your partner may become lazy and unmotivated if he is not ready for the change.

This can also be the case if he gets promoted at work but doesn’t feel ready to take all the responsibilities that come with the new position.

To help him, let him understand that nothing will change essentially. He will still be the same person he always was.

His life will only get richer and more fulfilled. Tell him that you have no doubts about his capability to face new challenges. 

Wrapping It All Up 

Whatever the reason behind your partner’s laziness and lack of motivation, the worst thing you could do is stay silent and pretend you are ok with it.

You can only damage your relationship by not expressing your dissatisfaction with his behavior. 

Still, when you do express your dissatisfaction, make sure you separate his personality from his behavior – a person who acts lazy may not be a lazy person in general. 

Therefore, make sure to compliment his personality and address only his behavior – you can say something like this:

‘You know how I always found your laid-back attitude charming, and it still is, I am just wondering why you sometimes behave like you lack the motivation to’ and so on. 

This way, you will open the door to honest and nonaggressive conversation, and he will feel invited to share how he feels instead of feeling guilty for the way he behaves.