How many times have you said something in a moment of anger that hurt people you care about? Afterward, you feel guilty about it and wonder why it always happens to you.
How do you learn to control yourself when you get angry? The most important thing is to realize that your words hurt other people, understand where that anger comes from, and learn techniques to help you control it.
Anger is a human emotion. It is a natural response to hurt.
If you realize that someone is threatening, insulting, and humiliating you, you will react to it by getting angry.
But that anger can sometimes be excessive and directed at the wrong person.
All that anger often backfires.
Instead of hurting the one who hurt you, your anger hurts other people and you the most.
Have you ever been highly annoyed at work by your colleagues, and when you come home, you take all that anger out on your family?
And it is precisely these cases that are the subject of this article.
Our goal is to find why you are angry and offer tips on reducing your anger and learning to control yourself.
Why Can’t I Control Myself When I’m Angry? 3 Reasons
Do you find that you become a different person when you get angry?
The day is going great, but something triggers you, and you completely lose your temper.
Did you know that anger can harm your health?
Anger harms your health, weakens your immune system, endangers the functioning of the heart, and increases the risk of a heart attack.
You know that the doctor always asks everyone if they are often angry, and anger is the first thing doctors forbid. The second is spicy and fatty food.
In addition to affecting your health, anger blurs your rational thinking and leads you to make bad reactions and decisions.
What are the reasons why you can’t control yourself when you get angry:
1. You Have a Short Temper
People with short tempers get irritated too quickly, usually for no good reason.
Basically, anything can annoy you and ruin your day.
A colleague at work is chewing too loudly, your neighbor’s trash is on your lawn, it’s raining, and you just washed your car. These are all some of your triggers.
Let’s not even talk about the traffic. You know how it is in traffic with a short temper.
We are not saying that the others are not guilty and do not deserve to be criticized in traffic.
But you go entirely crazy even when someone drives too slowly.
We’re sure you have a lot of curse words in your repertoire.
You even hate driving because of other drivers who get on your nerves.
2. You Have Repressed Anger
How do you suppress anger when constantly venting it and putting yourself in bad situations? That is exactly the problem.
There is a much deeper reason for anger in you, and you vent it all the time for any little thing.
Let us explain a little better.
That suppressed, more profound anger did not appear suddenly but has been in you for a long time.
What are the most common reasons for accumulated anger:
- Constant disrespect from others – We are all extremely sensitive to rudeness and insults directed at us. You still think about some of your embarrassing moments because they make you furious.
- Problems at work – Blessed are those who go to work happy, but only some are that lucky. Many people hate their job, and colleagues get on their nerves. Also, many think they work too much and need to be paid more.
- Love Problems – Nothing can make someone angrier than a broken heart. You’re mad because you’re still thinking about someone who hurt you and doesn’t deserve it.
- General dissatisfaction with life – This combines all of the above and adds more. Do you sometimes feel that you hate this whole world and think that your life is terrible?
These are all reasons why anger builds up in you and grows over time.
You are calm, but you can explode at any moment.
Have you heard of the expression calm like a bomb?
You are like a ticking time bomb of anger, which keeps going off a little by taking out your anger on the people around you.
3. You Haven’t Learned How to Control Your Anger
We encounter anger for the first time when we are kids.
Maybe the first time it happens is when they don’t give us candy, or someone breaks our toy.
It was up to your parents to teach you how to deal with those emotions.
And parents often know how to spoil their children when they are angry and thus do not make them sufficiently ready for life.
Maybe you were that kid who got into fights with other kids over everything that bothered you.
You’ve modified that behavior a bit as an adult, but you’re still that angry little kid inside.
4. You Have Views That are Different Than The Majority
Are you a contrarian?
Your opinion is always contrary to the general public, and that’s why you often get angry.
For example, your political opinions do not fit with the views of the people at your work. It is a common cause of arguments where you are angry after the whole day.
You are also angry about global problems, such as people’s attitude towards nature and similar.
You have the right to your opinion, and you should cherish it.
The fact that you don’t think like the majority is not wrong at all.
You know that others have their own opinions, and you can’t freak out whenever someone with opposing views talks to you.
How to Control Yourself When You are Angry? 7 Practical Tips
You concluded that your uncontrollable anger is only causing you problems and putting you in awkward situations.
It’s time to learn how to control it with these tips:
1. Figure Out What Actually Makes You Angry
We know everything seems to make you angry, but try to find the deep root cause of the pent-up anger.
Whatever it is, work, relationship, or financial problems, identify them.
And most importantly, don’t get angry at others because something is bothering you.
Redirect that energy to deal with what’s making you angry.
2. Learn to Avoid Anger Triggers
If you know in advance that something will annoy you so much that you won’t be able to control yourself, try to avoid it if you can.
Respect yourself, and don’t bother doing things that will only annoy you and not bring anything good.
3. Practice Relaxation Methods
You can’t always run away from situations that make you angry, so you must have some relaxation method up your sleeve.
The first relaxation method is breathing techniques for releasing anger.
You know, when we get annoyed how we usually breathe hard then.
There are many breathing exercises, and you can try them, but we recommend the simplest one.
The next time something annoys you, take deep breaths instead of screaming or laying on the horn.
You know how it goes, into your nose and out through your mouth.
Imagine inhaling calm blue air and exhaling red angry air.
Do this for 2-3 minutes, and you will see a change in your mood.
The second relaxation method is muscle relaxation.
What position is your body in when you get angry? It must be an uncomfortable position.
Try the following: unclench your fists, loosen those thigh shoulders and fix your posture.
Let those muscles unwind; we promise that you will feel better.
4. Get Some Exercise
Physical activity is an excellent choice for reducing stress and anger.
It doesn’t matter whether you are more into intense training in the gym or relaxed jogging in nature.
All that matters is that all that dopamine released from exercise does its job and erases your anger.
5. Learn to Control Your Emotions
Anger is an emotion, so it can be controlled.
Refrain from getting annoyed by everything and everyone.
Do those people who annoy you deserve to waste your emotions and health on them?
“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”— Budhha
Sometimes you have to respect other people’s opinions when you already expect everyone to respect yours.
And if you consider other opinions toxic to you, get away from that environment.
6. Take a Time Out
You have the right to give yourself a break from situations or persons that make you angry.
That way, you will think about the whole situation with a clearer mind and make better decisions.
It’s much better than reacting angrily right away.
7. Think Before You Speak
Think before you say something you’ll regret.
Is it worth getting angry at someone close to you just because they do something small that annoys you?
That person probably didn’t deserve you getting mad at them and all those ugly words you say then.
Also, consider whether it is worth spending so much emotionally for something you will eventually forget.
Will you be as angry about that thing in a day, a week, a month?
To Sum Things Up
“Control your anger, don’t let him control you.”
You don’t want anger to jeopardize your health and relationships with others and put you in unpleasant situations.
Try our tips, and you will see the change.
We can’t be sure you won’t be angry again, but we are confident that things will improve.