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8 Steps For Helping You to Stop Thinking About Someone Who Hurt You

As much as it’s true that everyone gets hurt sometimes, that doesn’t make it any less painful when someone hurts you.

Even so, you still think about that person and hurt yourself with those thoughts over and over again.

Are you wondering how to stop thinking about the person who hurt you? This is only possible if you allow yourself to understand why you were hurt, learn the lesson, focus on yourself and move on with your life.

young female sitting indoors

All this seems logical, but you know how much your thoughts are occupied by that person who hurt you.

Thinking about that person doesn’t allow the emotional wounds to heal, and you feel like you’re constantly reliving everything repeatedly.

It’s time to break out of that vicious cycle, and this article is here to help.

Who is That Someone Who Hurt You?

Who is that person who hurt you so much that you can’t stop thinking about them?

Is it a close person? Maybe a narcissistic parent or an irresponsible now-ex-husband who annoyed you with his drinking? A friend who stopped talking to you? 

That person can even be someone who isn’t that close to you, but you still get highly annoyed by their behavior.

Like, say, some neighbor from hell. Instead of being a random person in your life, he occupies your thoughts all the time with his misbehavior.

Or a colleague at work who doesn’t respect boundaries and makes you depressed when you go to work.

How to Stop Thinking About Someone Who Hurt You? 8 Steps

Sad woman sitting on sofa at home deep in thoughts

We can be hurt in many ways, and not everyone will be affected by the same things.

There is no universal measurement unit for how much someone has hurt you.

While someone quickly forgets and moves on, someone like you still thinks about it and cannot leave it behind.

To stop thinking about someone who hurt you and doesn’t deserve your thoughts, follow these steps:

1. Try to Comprehend Why Someone Hurt You

This attempt to understand leads to thinking about that person, but this step is necessary.

You have to understand the other person’s reasons for hurting you, even though you may just think they are mean.

They may be mean, and they may also have some more rational reasons.

Let’s say your ex-girlfriend, who you still think about, broke your heart when she decided to break up with you.

Did it happen out of the blue, or was your relationship not so ideal before?

Or if your parents hurt you by forcing you to move out of the house? There is no excuse for bad parents, but think about it, did they ever care enough about you or not?

2. Figure Out if You Can Continue a Relationship With That Person

woman looking at the man in the bar

This depends on how much that person has hurt you.

We cannot and should not get over some things, such as abuse.

It is not the same if someone has hurt us by physically or mentally abusing us and when someone does not want our love.

You can’t always burn all the bridges between that person who hurt you and you.

Consider first if that person has the desire for reconciliation and change. And most importantly, whether you want to cut that person out of your life.

When you conclude what is the smart decision and act in that direction, the obsessive thinking about the unresolved conflict with that person will also stop.

3. Realize That The Person Who Hurt You is Perhaps Happy Now, and You Are Sad

Imagine the situation: Your girlfriend cheated on you and hurt you, and some time has passed since then, and you still think about her.

You might even happen to see her across the street. She seemed happy to you, smiling. Maybe someone new was with her.

On the other hand, you still think about her as you devour ice cream from the bucket every night.

Why should she be happy and you not? Is that ok? Of course not, and don’t let yourself fall into that mindset.

You may be suffering from a victim mentality.

People who suffer from it enter the victim role and do not know how to escape it.

We are not saying that you are not a victim and that someone did not hurt you, but it is better to find healthier ways to cope instead of dwelling on someone and limiting yourself.

If someone is not interested in you and politely tells you, even though this hurts you, you can’t say he hurt you on purpose.

4. You Miss a Specific Moment in The Past

thinking about someone

Do you miss that person who hurt you or miss that perfect moment they were attached to?

Let’s explain this better. When you were married to your ex-wife, everything was great. You lived an idyllic life, and your business was going great. It seemed like nothing could go wrong.

Now that you are no longer together, it seems to you that everything has failed and that even life has stopped.

You can feel the same way about a sibling with whom you are no longer on good terms because of some argument. You remember the wonderful childhood moments you spent together and wonder what went wrong.

Staying in the past and not allowing yourself to move on is the opposite of what you should do. 

Moving on is the main thing if you want to stop thinking about someone who hurt you.

Although everything seems so beautiful and nostalgic to you in the relationship with that person who hurt you, ask yourself, is it really like that?

When it came to the point that she hurt you and now you are having a hard time because of it, there were probably signs of it before, but you didn’t see them.

So take off the nostalgia goggles, and maybe you’ll realize that that perfect person who hurt you isn’t so perfect.

5. Forgive The Person Who Hurt You

young woman thinking

You must have heard that forgiveness is a virtue of great people, but you don’t do it only for that person but for yourself.

There is a thin line between love and hate.

Unrequited love hurts, and so does the hatred you project toward someone who hurt you.

In this way, you are only harming yourself and destroying your well-being.

“Holding grudges is like drinking poison and expecting another person to die”

— Penny Reid

You don’t even have to personally forgive the person who hurt you. You must accept what happened and forgive them in your heart to move forward.

6. Turn Your Pain Into Motivation

“Learning is a gift, even if the pain is a teacher”

— James Garner

You must have heard the statements of many successful people about how they had to go through pain and disappointment to get where they are now.

In the documentary “The Last Dance,” Michael Jordan says: “Failure gave me strength. The pain was my motivation.”

If you haven’t seen that documentary, we recommend it because you can learn a lot about motivation and willpower, and it seems to us that you need a little of that right now.

7. Limit Everything That Can Lead You to Think About That Person Who Hurt You

Every time you think about that person, you energetically keep them alive in your system.

Thinking about that person is channeling energy toward them.

So is talking about her, stalking her on social media.

If you are the one who is constantly on the profile of the person who hurt you, you have to stop. And maybe unfollow her on social networks.

That way, you don’t allow yourself to move on with your life.

Don’t limit your movement and habits because of that person, but try to maintain a healthy distance.

Out of sight, out of mind.

Sometimes it’s hard to keep that distance, especially if you work the same job as someone who hurt you but tries to keep it as much as possible.

8. Work on Your Well-being

woman alone in restaurant

Well-being implies that we are comfortable in our own skin and that we are healthy and happy.

It is always best to work on ourselves in response to someone hurting us.

By working on ourselves, we divert attention from that person and direct them towards us.

This way, you will stop thinking about that person, leave the past behind, and focus on the possibilities instead of pain.

And how to work on your well-being, here are some tips:

  • love yourself and accept yourself as you are;
  • engages in some physical activity;
  • we know you like to treat yourself to ice cream, but give healthy food a chance too;
  • identify the areas in which you want to improve and work on them;
  • invest in your hobbies.

To Conclude,

“How are your thoughts? That is how your life is.”

Why then keep someone in your mind who has hurt you and doesn’t deserve a second chance or even want it?

Life is beautiful, don’t waste your energy on those who don’t deserve it, but direct it towards yourself, and good outcomes will follow. Good luck!