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Why My Husband Annoys Me When He Drinks: How to Handle That Situation?

Concerns about your husband’s drinking habits can generate tension and strain in a relationship.

Approaching the matter of your husband’s excessive drinking might be tough at first.

Naturally, you worry if maybe you are overreacting or if your husband may respond defensively, but these concerns might hinder the matter from being discussed and handled.

An alcoholic husband quarrels with his wife at home

There are two possible reasons your husband annoys you when he drinks.

The first possibility is that he is drinking excessively, and the second is that you are too concerned because you have a family history of alcoholism.

There might, of course, be many other reasons, but these two are the ones that need to be handled as soon as possible. 

How Can I Tell If My Husband Has an Alcohol Problem?

While addressing your husband about their drinking habits may appear to be a risky move, the longer you leave the topic unsolved, the more likely the problem will develop.

If you suspect your husband drinks excessively, you should address the matter as soon as possible for the sake of both of you.

The following are the primary indicators that your husband may have a drinking problem:

  • After a prolonged period of heavy drinking, alcohol has a bad impact on your husband’s personality 
  • Your husband spends a lot of time away from home and misses the important family and work gatherings and events
  • Your husband’s close family has a history of drinking-related issues 
  • Your husband struggles to quit drinking in the evenings or when on vacation

What Should I Do If My Husband Has a Drinking Problem?

Selective focus of woman calming down worried husband with alcohol addiction

There are various methods you might positively affect your partner’s drinking habits if you frequently notice indications that they could have a drinking issue or possibly an alcohol addiction.

It is doubtful that your spouse would reduce their alcohol consumption if you just advised them not to drink or complain about their drinking habits.

In fact, it could have the opposite effect.

The first crucial step toward your partner’s rehabilitation may be accepting that they have a drinking problem without defending them or attributing difficulties that arise from excessive drinking to other causes.

Telling them how their drinking is affecting you is the next step.

If you calmly describe how their drinking is impacting you, they may see this as a challenge to meet rather than a harsh condemnation.

What If My Husband Rejects My Advice?

Too far from one another. Nervous angry young couple sitting on opposite

There is always a chance that your husband may deny having a drinking issue.

This particularly may be the case if your husband grew up in a home where excessive alcohol consumption was considered completely acceptable.

In this situation, you might be able to find a medium ground by asking that you both abstain from alcohol one evening a week or that your husband pledges to limit their drinking when you go out together.

It might be crucial to consider how painful or significant life events, such as losing a job or having a child together, may alter your partner’s drinking habits.

What If I Am Really Overreacting?

If your husband is not actually drinking too much, but you simply don’t like the way he behaves when he does, you should probably question what motivates you to react so strongly about his drinking behavior.

Maybe you had an uncle, father, or brother whose severe issues with addiction left a mark on you, so even the tiniest resemblance turns all your alarms on.

Maybe you are afraid that you can’t rely on your husband if he allows himself to relax and act childishly from time to time.

These are all legitimate and normal reasons you may feel annoyed when your husband drinks.

But they are not good enough reasons to criticize your husband’s behavior

What If I Am Not Overreacting? 

First of all, it is important to define what too much drinking means for your husband.

Legal safety limits are imposed and additional criteria provided by government authorities for safe amounts of alcohol to consume and/or drive a motor vehicle.

Nevertheless, each person is unique, and what is acceptable to one person may not be acceptable to another.

The amount of alcohol that is regarded as “too much” is decided by each individual, as well as whether or not they suffer from addiction.

The key word here is addiction. It doesn’t matter whether your husband drinks one or ten bears every day, but whether he is capable of functioning without them.

Although it sounds simple, this distinction is not easy to make, and sometimes only a trained expert can help you establish whether your husband has a problem or not. 

When you love someone who is addicted, it might feel like a roller coaster ride.

It’s full of the highest highs, like when they swear to stop drinking, and the lowest lows, like when you uncover their stash or when they leave home in a rage, looking for the bar instead of staying for dinner.

First Aid for Both of You

couple visiting psychologist

Set aside some time to have a proper conversation about things.

Another problem with drinking is that you can’t always address it right away.

In fact, it’s usually a terrible idea to do so because your partner’s behavior can change if they’ve had a few drinks.

Find a time when you are both sober and in a stable mood; you will be far more likely to be able to have productive conversations then.

Bear in mind that if your husband has a serious drinking problem, he will need the help of an expert.

But you should also be aware that you will also need support to get through all the tribulations of a relationship with an addict.

If it turns out you are exaggerating, and your husband simply enjoys a few drinks from time to time, it may be very useful for you to explore why that feels so annoying to you.

This could strengthen the bond with your husband and increase intimacy in your relationship.