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Is it Normal For My Girlfriend to Hit Me? 6 Possible Reasons

Relationships are complicated, but one thing is for sure: It is not ok for your girlfriend to hit you.

This is a huge red flag; you should think carefully about what to do next.

It is not normal for your girlfriend to hit you because violence is unacceptable in any relationship, and issues should be resolved through a healthy conversation in which you respect each other.

Woman Threatening Man During Argument At Home

Just as it’s not ok for anyone to hit you, it’s not ok for her to do it.

Domestic violence is not just hitting but a much larger set of different forms of behavior. Violence can be physical, sexual, psychological, or financial, including neglect.

Everyone can be a target of violence and abuse, mainly women and children, who are the most frequent targets, but it is increasingly evident that men can be victims too.

According to CDC statistics (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention), 1 in 3 women have experienced intimate partner abuse, and 1 in 4 men have experienced the same.

Both women and men are victims. According to these statistics, you probably know someone who is a victim or a real abuser.

Maybe even you and your partner are in those roles.

The reality behind closed doors may not be the same as the one we see in public. We never know what is hidden behind fake smiles and happy pictures on social networks.

We can quickly answer whether it is normal for your girlfriend to hit you: IT IS NOT NORMAL! But to understand why she does it and how to behave in that situation, we must go deeper into the problem.

Why is it Normal For Your Girlfriend to Hit You? 6 Reasons

Let’s first see the potential reasons for such behavior of her hitting you:

1. She Has Abusive Past

As with any behavior problem, we must look at the history first.

It’s rude to dig into your partner’s past, but how much do you know about her past?

Do you perhaps know that she was a victim of abuse in the past? She probably told you something about that.

Maybe your girlfriend was a victim of abuse by her parents or ex-partners. If the parents are the ones who abused her, the damage is more significant.

Whatever it is, abuse leaves consequences for the victim’s behavior.

People who have experienced abuse can be left with a completely wrong image of a healthy relationship.

Perhaps they have never even experienced a healthy relationship and think violence and manipulation are entirely normal and justified.

As a result of the abuse, your girlfriend may have developed a defense mechanism. She jumps into combat mode over the minor thing in the relationship and starts hitting you because she thinks it’s normal.

The fact that your girlfriend has an abuse history is sad, but it does not give her the right to violate you in every way. You are not a punching bag for your girlfriend’s past traumas.

To finally deal with traumatic experiences from the past, it is best to offer your girlfriend a visit to a psychotherapist.

You can go to couples therapy with her or be there as support. Don’t let her suffer because of the past. But don’t let yourself suffer because of what she is doing in the present too.

2. She Was Abusive From The Beginning

Woman Threatening Man During Argument At Home

There were clear signs that she was abusive at the beginning of the relationship.

We all know how we are at the beginning of a relationship. Everything is idyllic, beautiful, and perfect. Butterflies in the stomach are doing their thing.

That’s the magic of falling in love and starting a relationship.

Take off the rose-colored glasses, and now try objectively looking at that period. Were there any huge red flags that could indicate your girlfriend would hit you now?

When you remember better now, there were early warning signs.

Right from the start, your girlfriend positioned herself too authoritatively. She immediately started fighting for control over you.

Establishing control over your life was reflected in how she always controlled where you were and with whom, kept you away from friends, and strictly controlled you on social networks.

Dual personality, sudden mood swings, jealousy, and manipulation clearly show where this can lead. Oversharing and moving too fast in the relationship are warning signs too.

It’s clear that there were signs at the beginning that she was abusive, but you didn’t see it. Please don’t feel bad about it.

We all are like that when we fall in love. What matters is what you do now to prevent her from ever hitting you again.

3. She Doesn’t Respect You

couple arguing in restaurant

Is there a more effective form of disrespect than someone hitting you? Someone hitting reduces your value and makes you feel weak and hurt.

Your girlfriend doesn’t respect your views, downgrades your achievements, and doesn’t care how you feel about it.

In addition to not respecting you as a person, she may not respect personal boundaries. Healthy emotional boundaries should exist between everyone, even you and your girlfriend.

Hitting, scratching, and pinching are more than clear signs of disrespecting personal boundaries. In those cases, it is clear that the girl does not respect and abuses you.

What about those cases when your girlfriend is allegedly “joking” and hits you because she is joking.

When you get angry about it, she accuses you of being too severe and not knowing how to take a joke.

Even if your girlfriend is joking like that, you shouldn’t be ok with her every move that bothers you, and you should clearly emphasize that to her.

Maybe she even blames you for hitting you because you’re wrong, and she’s punishing you like that to make you better. This is a highly toxic pattern of behavior.

Even when you tell her that it bothers you, she gaslights you and makes you think it’s your fault and that her actions are justified.

4. She Has Anger Issues

Woman Threatening Man During Argument At Home

Do you feel like you can’t talk to her without angering her?

The tiniest little thing annoys her to the point of an emotional snap, which ends with her hitting you. And much more important things are not a reason for her to hit you, not something like you didn’t throw out the trash.

Short temper, stress, problems in life, dissatisfaction, and mental illness can all trigger excessive anger and aggression.

Anger is a negative but normal emotion, but when there is a problem with anger, and it turns into aggression, the trouble begins.

Neurotic and hysterical behavior is related to anger problems. Also, don’t just watch how she behaves towards you. That anger can also be directed toward others.

What is essential is not to sweep the issue under the rug. Talk to your girlfriend and offer her anger management therapy.

5. She Uses Abuse To Control You

The most primitive way of control is through physical and psychological violence.

As we said above, maybe she learned this pattern of behavior in the past, or she saw it somewhere and adopted it. In any case, achieving control through aggression is a highly toxic behavior.

Whatever happens, she has to fulfill her dominant role over you.

That control initially may have been subtle, but now it is becoming unbearable and unmistakable.

The fear of losing control can lead to her hitting you because she thinks she will re-establish control that way.

6. She is Taking Revenge on You

Angry millennial couple arguing shouting blaming each other of problem

Have you done something in the past that she is now hitting you back for? If you did something wrong, she uses violence now to retaliate for the pain you caused her.

Maybe you cheated on her or even hit her. Her response to this may be aggression back at you.

Let’s imagine the situation: You did something terrible, and now you suffer from being beaten by her because you think you deserve that.

Maybe this seems like a solution, but know that such a relationship is unhealthy and cannot bring anything good to you or her.

What Should You Do if Your Girlfriend Hits You?

We have listed all the reasons that can lead to a girl hitting you. Sometimes there is one reason, and sometimes several of them are intertwined.

She hit you, and now what? You are going through an emotional roller coaster, and you are confused.

You’re hurt, but what’s the smart thing to do now? Let’s go in order; what are your options and what to do:

1. Protect Yourself and Move Away

By protection, we don’t mean that you respond physically to her blow, but if necessary, move away from the room and the apartment. If the situation becomes too violent, call the police.

No matter how much your emotions overwhelm you at that moment, don’t let yourself do something you will regret. Try to stay calm.

Do not respond to violence with violence because that is never a solution.

In addition to the fact that it is never a solution, and you do not want to be an abuser, you should not have problems with the law just because your girlfriend caused a problem.

2. Talk to Someone

Please explain the situation to people you care about and wish you well.

Parents, friends, psychotherapists, you can tell them everything that happened and get advice that can help you.

Tell the whole story honestly because that’s the only way they’ll give you the right advice on what you should do.

Don’t be ashamed to tell others that your girlfriend hit you. Here we come to the concept of toxic masculinity.

Toxic masculinity is a vast term and refers to a lot of things. In this example, it is often considered inappropriate for a girl to beat a guy.

You might even get laughed at because of it, so it’s no wonder you might be embarrassed to say it. It is generally accepted that women are the weaker gender and, as such, cannot beat men.

This is absolute nonsense, and such division is exceptionally toxic and offensive.

Women can undoubtedly be more robust than men. Even weaker physically, women can also hit or abuse men.

There wouldn’t be so many cases of abused men if it weren’t like that.

There is no need to be ashamed to say what happened to you, and the people who care about you will certainly not laugh at you and consider you weak.

3. Talk to Her

Stressed young married family couple arguing emotionally, blaming lecturing each other, sitting on couch

When you have given yourself enough time to cool down and have thought about everything well, it is time to talk to her.

Choose a public place, such as a restaurant or cafeteria. A public place is good because aggression is much less likely to happen again.

Don’t choose a place that is too loud and crowded. You and your girlfriend should have at least a little privacy so you can talk about everything.

Approach the conversation maturely and with understanding towards her. Don’t attack her with questions and negativity; if she starts attacking, don’t fuel the fire with fire.

Tell her you to feel sad, weak, and uncomfortable when she hits you. It would be best if you told her all the emotions you feel.

The further development of the situation depends primarily on her response.

If she shows remorse and understanding and sincerely apologizes, maybe something positive will come out of it. We don’t mean those fake apologies, but the real ones.

A genuine apology implies that the person apologizing is ready to stand behind their words and understand where they are wrong.

However, if your girlfriend shows no remorse, blames you, and makes excuses for her actions, that’s a huge sign that it’s time to break up. You tried maturely to allow her to explain that it won’t happen again.

To reconcile and continue the relationship, both partners must want and work on it.

You did your part, but unfortunately, she didn’t. This clearly shows that you should stop being in a relationship with her.

4. Reevaluate Your Relationship

It’s up to you now to think things through. No matter how emotionally difficult it is for you, it is inevitable.

Just because you love your girlfriend doesn’t mean you have to put up with violence from her.

Don’t allow someone to mentally abuse you just because you love them.

You have two choices: stay with her or break up. Maybe there are only two choices, but things are far from simple.

Maybe you turned the other way and didn’t want to admit it to yourself, but it was clear from the beginning that your girlfriend has an abusive nature.

Now is the time for the truth to yourself and her.

Think again about the reason why she hit you and her nature. Do you think it was an isolated incident, or will it happen again?

Maybe her nature is simply like that, and she cannot change.

Go back in time once more and think about your entire relationship. Think about everything you’ve experienced together, and ask yourself how meaningful that relationship is to you.

Maybe the memories hurt you now because your girlfriend hit you, but you have to do it to make a decision.

Think about the state of your relationship right before she hit you. Have you had problems before?

Was your relationship at the stage you wanted it to be? Or the issues were evident, and the escalation was her hitting you.

The most important thing is to consider where you see your relationship in the future. Ok, you and your girlfriend get back together, and then what? It turns out that she hits you again, and the abuse continues.

Or you break up with her and realize later that you made a massive mistake because things could have been fixed.

An important factor is how she behaved after the incident. Has she shown remorse, a willingness to stand behind her actions, and a desire to change?

An apology is necessary, but it is even more important to understand that some things must not be repeated.

Ok, you’ve made a list in your head of what to do next. But this is not some business decision; this is an emotional decision.

Sometimes we must listen to our heart and that little voice in our head that tells us what we should do. Trust your gut!

Let your intuition help you make the right decision.

Two Possible Decisions

You thought for a long time, you took into account all the factors, and you decided the following:

Beautiful young couple enjoying time together

1. You Will Forgive Your Girlfriend and Continue The Relationship

You realize your relationship should continue because you have built and achieved too much to break up. Your love for each other is too strong, and you can recover from that unfortunate event when she hit you.

Your girlfriend has shown that she is sorry and wants to change; you believe that to be true.

She realized that she hurt you, and she is ready to work on herself and your relationship so that something like that never happens again.

If you think it is necessary and will mean something for you both, you and your girlfriend can ask for the help of a psychologist individually or maybe go to couple therapy together.

Your relationship can recover from her abusing you. Give it time and patience, and everything will work out.

The only thing that matters is that you work together on the relationship, and the fact that she hit you will remain behind you in the past.

2. You Decided to Break up With Her

The angry boyfriend leaves his aggressive girlfriend

Unfortunately, not all relationships can be saved, and sometimes it is much better to break up. You can’t get over the fact that your girlfriend hit you.

The fact that she hit you opened your eyes, and you realized that there are much more problems in your relationship.

After much thought, you realize that your relationship is not going anywhere. You do not see a future with your soon-to-be ex-girlfriend.

There were signs that your girlfriend might go so far as to hit you, but you didn’t see them. Please don’t feel bad about it. The important thing is that you now understand and are ready to end it.

Breakups are always hard. In addition to emotional difficulties, other factors make them difficult too.

Children, mutual friends, property, and finances can complicate your decision to break up with your girlfriend. As hard as it is, it is better than suffering physical and mental abuse.

Please keep your dignity in the breakup, and respect her no matter what. Don’t break up over the phone, but in person.

Choosing a public place for that conversation when both of you have calmed down is wise, but choosing a public place is also suitable for a breakup.

Your girlfriend may get angry and react physically, and there are fewer chances of that in public.

Don’t look at the breakup as something terrible. You don’t want to be in an abusive relationship, and apparently, your girlfriend doesn’t want to change her behavior, so you don’t need to despair.

To Sum Things Up

As we said at the beginning of the article: No, it is not suitable for a girl to hit you, and it cannot be suitable or justified.

Finding the reason for her behavior is essential for understanding her abusive nature. You can have an even better relationship and come out stronger after everything.

But don’t get too carried away and romantic thoughts. You have a long way to go to reach a healthy relationship.

Violence and even threats of violence are serious red flags in a relationship; if not addressed, they can escalate into more significant problems.

Relationships can recover even after such incidents with mutual work from both partners.

Know that breaking up is a systematic and logical development of events after abuse. It is better to be separated instead of living in a toxic relationship.

Whatever you decide, the most important thing is that the cycle of abuse ends, and you never have to go through it again.