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4 Reasons Why Your Parents Don’t Want You to be Independent

Most parents want their children to become independent when they grow up. It’s a sign that they did a good job as parents.

Your parents are not like this. They don’t want you to move out and stand in the way of your independence.

Why don’t your parents want you to be independent? Because they are too self-centered, selfish, and controlling and think you are not ready for that step in life.

Mid aged mother sit on couch scold grown up daughter

You hear parents talking and encouraging their children to move out from their parent’s homes, be their own people, and live their own lives.

Isn’t that the point of life?

Isn’t it the same in the animal kingdom? The young ones leave their nest when they are ready.

It doesn’t necessarily mean you have to move out to be independent of your parents, but it does make the process a lot easier.

But why are your parents like that? How do you change them, and can you change them at all?

Know that by allowing yourself to be controlled, you are only limiting yourself and not allowing yourself to flourish.

What should you do? That is precisely the topic of this article, so be sure to read it to the end.

Why Do Your Parents Don’t Want You to Move Out? 4 Potential Reasons

Angry mom and her adult daughter quarrel at home

You have already reached a certain age and are no longer a kid.

It’s time to become independent and stop living with your parents.

But they don’t even want to hear about it. Why?

These are possible reasons:

1. Your Parents are Overcontrolling

Do you feel like your parents control your life?

They always know what’s good for you, what you can and can’t do.

You feel like you are a puppet, and they are holding the strings.

Over-controlling parents want to have absolute control over their child’s life.

This is kinda normal when you are a kid, but as you grow, you develop your personality and become an independent adult.

But your parents’ fear of losing control over you makes them continue to do so even though you are an adult.

Such parents are often perfectionists, for whom everything you do is not enough. Not to mention how strict they are.

They demand that you tell them everything. You have no privacy and freedom of choice from them.

When you don’t behave according to their rules, they argue with you, punish you as if you were a child, and so on.

This is all an extremely toxic atmosphere that can take its toll on your mental health.

2. Your Parents are Narcissists 

Mother and daughter arguing

You know how it is with narcissists. They always have to be the center of attention. 

If your parents are narcissists, it will be difficult for you to fight for independence from them.

Narcissistic parents cannot put other people’s needs before their own, so they can neglect their children.

And why didn’t you move out until now when you already know well what life is like with narcissistic parents?

Because they are excellent manipulators.

They are capable of guilt-tripping you for everything you say and making you the bad guy at the end of every argument.

They play the victim card every time you mention that you want to move away.

They usually say, “we raised you, and you’re turning your back on us.”

They make you feel bad and ungrateful just because you want to live your life.

With narcissistic parents, you don’t even feel like they really care about you.

If your parents are old and sick, you will feel worse about leaving them.

3. Your Parents Think That You Are Not Ready to Live Alone

Adult life brings many obligations and difficulties, and your parents think you are not ready for it.

Are they exaggerating, or is it true?

If they exaggerate, it means they underestimate you.

Have your parents always looked down on you?

Maybe they considered you a dreamer and wanted you to settle for things as they are instead of chasing your dreams.

Now that you have the opportunity to live as you want, they think you are not up to it.

And what if you’re really not prepared for life?

Whose fault is it? Theirs, of course.

Have your parents spoiled you, didn’t let you leave your comfort zone and fulfilled all your dreams?

Such children usually do not want to move away from their parents. Instead, they choose to be kids all their lives.

Because that adult life is too scary for them.

They think, why struggle through life when it is safe and comfortable with parents.

In addition to this attitude being highly limiting, it is a sad truth that parents will not be there forever, and those children will also have to take responsibility for their own lives someday.

4. Your Parents Were Raised That Way

Although the world is constantly changing, your parents may be traditional regarding your independence.

Living with parents and leaving the family nest is viewed differently in different parts of the world.

Cultural differences are definitely present.

Tradition and culture should be respected, but they must not limit you from living the life you want.

In Western culture, children are expected to move away from their parents when they become adults, usually at 18.

As soon as children go to college, it is already the beginning of their independent life. It goes without saying that he will find a job afterward and live independently.

In some parts of the world, children are expected to inherit their parent’s family business, stay in the house where they grew up, respect tradition, and so on.

Such traditional parents think how their parents raised them is the only correct way.

Why Should You Start Living Independently From Your Parents?

young man is moving away from home

When your parents don’t allow you to be independent, they can negatively affect your self-esteem.

The longer you depend on your parents, the more you delay your entry into adulthood.

Living independently from your parents offers you many opportunities, such as:

1. Freedom to Do What You Want

Everyone wants the freedom to live life the way they want.

You will no longer have to ask your parents for everything.

You like to organize parties at your house but can’t because your parents are against it. Now you can party as much as you want.

You don’t like the look of the apartment you live in. Change it however you want. You couldn’t do that with your parents without their permission.

2. You Will Have Your Privacy at Last

Privacy is important in life. 

Your parents finally don’t have to control what and who you do. 

For example, their attitude can seriously disrupt your dating life.

You don’t have to tell them what you don’t think they should know.

This doesn’t mean you should become mean to them, but they don’t need to know everything.

You control when you see each other and how often you talk on the phone, and you choose what you want to say to them.

3. You Will Learn to be Responsible

It’s easy in life when your parents are there to correct your every mistake or not even allow you to make a mistake.

We all learn from our mistakes.

You have to experience something to gain knowledge and know yourself and your limits.

And there is no better feeling than when you achieve something yourself, trust us.

How to Become Independent From Your Parents? 5 Tips

Here are some quick tips that can help you become independent from your parents:

  • Practice responsibility while still living with your parents – no matter how controlling your parents are, try to be as independent as possible while still living with them.
  • Don’t worry about what your family thinks – you can’t live your life according to other people’s expectations, even if it’s your family. They think they know what’s good for you, but only you know what is best for you.
  • Get a job – you have to find a job to earn money. Money equals independence. Even that first job can be something other than your dream job. It only has to be good enough to make you money to take the next step.
  • Move out from your parent’s home – when you have enough money for this step, do it. It seems scary at first, especially if you’re moving to a new city, but you can do it.
  • Prove that you are up to being independent – get used to the responsibility and obligations that adulthood brings. Don’t come back to your parents with your tail between your legs.

To Conclude

It is usually normal for parents to want their child to become independent as soon as possible unless they are narcissistic and overcontrolling.

These are clear indicators that you need to move out and fight for your independence.

There is no better feeling than when you are your own person, making decisions and living your life as you want.