There is no escaping some things in life, such as the fact that our children will grow up.
Everything seemed more accessible when the children were small and dependent on you. At least you always knew what they were up to.
There is a saying: “small children – small problems, big children – big problems.”
You remember everything: from the first steps, going to school, registering in college, your son’s first job, and the beginning of independent life.
That all sounds good, right? Isn’t the point of raising children to be independent people who can care for themselves?
You certainly don’t want him to think that his parents didn’t prepare him well enough for life.
That’s all great, but now that he’s reached that goal, you get to feel he’s avoiding you because he never or rarely calls you.
All kinds of things can be going through your head in that case. Are you a boring parent? Or are you a good mother at all?
Feeling ignored by your child is painful, and you want things to change.
How many times is it necessary to call, what are the reasons why he ignores you, and how should you act? Keep reading this article to get those answers.
How Much Exactly Should an Adult Child Call His Parents?
How often do you think your son should call you? What is the accurate measure of that anyway? Once a day, a week, a month?
Let’s get into the statistics.
A survey from CBS News found that 24 percent of adult children in America think they should call their mothers at least once a day.
24 percent think a few times a week is a good measure, while 35 percent answered once a week.
12 percent think that once a month or less is enough.
These are comparable data and valid for America, which does not mean that it is not an entirely different situation in other countries.
Attitudes Towards Parents in Different Cultures
Different nationalities have different attitudes towards family. This is primarily influenced by way of upbringing or material situation.
According to the research, most young adults live with their parents in Italy, Greece, and the Balkan countries, especially Croatia. In contrast, least young adults live with their parents in Scandinavian countries (especially Denmark) and Canada.
Let us explain it: in some countries, when you come of certain age, you are considered an adult; it is assumed that you will find a job and start living independently.
While in some countries you are a “child” much longer and live under your parents’ roof, maybe even your whole life.
Parents and children should not be blamed here. In addition to traditional and cultural values, opportunities for young people to become independent are often more complicated.
Parents can only be blamed if they do not allow children to become independent and adult children if they are not motivated to do so.
The relationship between parents and children is also different in these conditions.
It doesn’t always have to be that way, but it is more likely that a child who becomes independent earlier will become more distant from his parents.
The Reasons Why Your Son Doesn’t Call You Enough
1. You Are Overreacting
Are you perhaps exaggerating a little by chance?
Maybe the time between one phone call and the next seems like an eternity, but is it that long?
We understand that it can be difficult, especially if you live far away from your child.
If your son calls you regularly, there is no need for drama because drama never brings anything good for anyone.
Don’t be one of those high-maintenance parents.
Those parents constantly seek love and attention, so much so that they suffocate their children.
2. Tech-gap
This is by no means your fault.
There is a significant technological generation gap between the generations, so you can hardly keep up with your children.
This is especially so if you prefer a classic phone call. Young people are now used to different ways of communication, such as texting, voice messages, email, and posting on social networks.
If there were no reminders, young people would not even remember when someone’s birthday is.
It is noticeable that even the older generations are getting more and more educated on this issue. Have you noticed how many elderly ladies post good morning pictures daily on Facebook?
3. You Are The Controlling Parent
If you have been an overly controlling parent all your life, it can cause such a reaction in the child that he does not want to call you now.
Now that your son has finally seized his independence, he doesn’t want to jeopardize it by calling you too much.
If you are still trying to control his life, then don’t be surprised that he is like that.
You may have changed, but he is still subconsciously afraid of your control.
4. You Always Argue When You Talk
Who likes arguments, especially over the phone?
If every conversation you have ends with an argument, don’t be surprised why his calls have decreased.
There are always many reasons for arguing, especially between a parent who always has some unwanted advice and a child who just wants to live his life the way he wants.
Have you always fought so much, or has it only escalated now that you are no longer living together?
If your relationship has always been like that, don’t be surprised by this.
5. You Don’t Show Enough Interest in His Life
How do you not show when it hurts because he doesn’t call?
The fact that you are concentrating on yourself in the conversation shows you are not showing enough interest in him.
You know that type of conversation: “I’m asking you what you do just so I can tell you what I do”?
Maybe you’re not like that, and you want to change now. Remember that your son may still feel hurt by past neglect.
6. You Are Too Negative
Do you know how people get increasingly negative as they age?
There are many reasons for that. Old age brings health problems, the realization that we are no longer young, and the feeling that everything was better before.
We all say we won’t be that grizzled old man when we get old, yet most do.
Now in a conversation with your son, you transfer that negativity to him.
No one wants to be showered with negativity.
7. He Doesn’t Want to Worry You
Maybe your son calls you less because he knows you worry too much about him.
Let’s say he is going through a difficult period, such as losing his job. He knows it will be difficult for you.
He remembers how sad you were for something trivial, like when his tire was punctured. How much will you react to something bigger then?
By avoiding calls, he also avoids telling you bad news and knows that you will easily read in his voice that something is not ok.
8. Married Son Ignores Mother
Unfortunately, it is not rare for a son to neglect his mother when he gets married.
Now he has a new, most important woman in his life, and the mother may feel hurt and neglected.
Maybe his wife is too possessive and wants all the attention for herself.
New rules and new obligations can disrupt your regular conversations.
What Should You do When You Think Your Son Doesn’t Call You Enough?
First and foremost, don’t overreact, no matter how hard it is.
We know you want to tell him: I gave birth to you, and you don’t know how to call me,” but that’s not a good strategy.
You have to understand that things have changed. Although your son will always be your little child in your heart, know that he is now grown up and has a lot of responsibilities.
However, his obligations must not be an excuse for him to never call you.
If he calls you regularly, there is no need to panic.
You can try to keep up with technology a little more to make it easier for him to respond.
Sometimes it is enough for him to just send you a picture, and that picture says much more than a long conversation.
If you have communication problems from before, try to solve them.
You are the parent, so be the one to show more understanding if needed.
Despite everything, your son calls you less. You have to tell him how you feel.
If you tell him that you feel neglected and that it hurts you that you don’t hear from each other anymore like you used to, he will try to change that.
In The End,
It would be perfect for the son to call his mother whenever he needs to talk, and then the mother should call her son whenever she needs to hear him.
In between should be those random conversations when we simply ask each other what’s new.
It is not always like that, but much better communication is possible with understanding. And that phone will ring a little more often.