No one likes to be called lazy.
This is very offensive to many, and our defense mechanism immediately reacts.
If anyone calls us lazy, we can find ourselves offended, especially if it’s someone close to us.
The frustration is more significant if the husband thinks we are lazy.
Now when to react to it?
Do you fuel the fire with fire, yell at him and insult him too?
Or maybe we should think deeply about why he thinks like that?
Laziness is a relative term. What is lazy for some is normal for others.
We don’t all have the same standards of laziness, and maybe your husband is someone who just wants too much from you.
In any case, the situation is complicated and leaves many questions, which we will try to answer in this article. Keep reading; maybe you will find yourself in these words and the answer to your troubles.
Is Calling Someone Lazy Abusive?
It is best not to give any labels to anyone. Calling names and labeling is never a good choice.
The better option is to draw someone’s attention to his behavior more politely.
When we say someone is lazy, we mean that we don’t like what they do with their time.
There can also be a moral condemnation behind it, so a person who is called lazy can feel bad.
When someone calls you lazy, usually the first thing that suffers is self-esteem. There is a disappointment, anger, and a feeling of self-worth doubt.
Is calling someone lazy a form of bullying, then? It could very easily be.
What Makes Your Husband Think You Are Lazy?
There can be many reasons, and the most common one is that the house is messy.
The usual house is a complete mess: a pile of dirty laundry and unwashed dishes. If you have kids, the whole house probably looks like a playground.
Then, your husband may think you are unmotivated and, because of that, lazy.
This lack of motivation can be manifested on several levels.
For example, you have no motivation to exercise, and your husband calls you lazy and comments about your weight.
Your husband doesn’t consider that you may hate exercising or not be able to exercise right now.
Maybe your husband thinks you’re too lazy to find a job, and you are on social media all day.
He doesn’t consider that you are maybe doing your best to change that.
The most hurtful thing to you is if he thinks you are too lazy to be a parent.
So, Are You Lazy?
Let’s explain with concrete examples.
Example 1:
Let’s say you work full time, take care of the house, maybe you have children, and there is a lot of work around them.
And in all that, you may have gained a little weight because you eat in a hurry and don’t have time to exercise. There is simply no room for that in your daily schedule.
Is that the reason for your husband to call you lazy? By no means!
Example 2:
Every time you get out of bed is epic because you sleep half the day and sometimes the whole day.
You maybe have a problem with eating too. Maybe you eat the minimum because you have no motivation to prepare food, and what you eat is unhealthy, mainly fast food.
You are not interested in additional education, and you get a nervous attack even if work is mentioned.
Are you lazy, then? Hmmm, we will not say directly, but in the next part of the article, we will explain the potential reasons why it is so.
What is Actually Behind That Laziness?
We too quickly judge someone to be lazy or declare ourselves so.
We say, “I’m lazy; I can’t mess with that.” It is like some ultimate excuse to refuse to understand what is really bothering us.
The worst thing is when someone comes to terms with being lazy and doesn’t want to do anything about it.
Your life is your business, and you can be as lazy as you want, but if something bothers you, why not change it?
Some other internal problems are always hidden behind laziness, and the most common is a loss of motivation. Here are some examples.
You have no motivation to find a job. Someone will automatically say that you are lazy.
Ok, if you need a job primarily for financial security, it’s certainly good to find one.
But let’s consider that you lost the previous job that you loved.
Losing a job that suits us, or even one that doesn’t make us happy can throw us into a spiral of dissatisfaction and loss of motivation for a new one.
Just remember how many people lost their jobs in 2020. Are they lazy because it was hard for them to find a new job afterward?
You may also have health problems that make you “lazy.”
It is not unusual for women to have hormone problems, which can make them sleepy or affect the loss of appetite.
What is Your Husband Like?
We’ve talked enough about you. Let’s discuss your husband briefly and explain possible scenarios through three examples.
Abusive Husband
Is he that Mr. Perfect who controls everything and calls people as lazy as he pleases?
Does he tell you that you are lazy, along with some more toxic words? Like you’re worthless, you look bad, you won’t achieve anything in life, and so on.
He acts like he needs a maid, not a wife.
This can be especially pronounced if he is the only provider in the family, so “fame” gets a little too much into his head. Everything has to be his way because of that.
Maybe he’s only mean to you and good to everyone else. This is especially rude if he treats you like that in public.
And what if the husband is also lazy and blames you for being lazy?
In this article, we asked: Can calling someone lazy be abuse? If it comes in this package, then definitely yes!
A Husband Who Has No Understanding
Someone will say this is the same as in the previous example, but it is not.
A husband who lacks understanding is not necessarily abusive.
He doesn’t want to hurt you, but he lacks an understanding of what you are going through.
Maybe over time, you have drifted away and want different things. For example, you want to stay home and watch a movie, and your husband wants you to go to a party.
Maybe because of something trivial like this, he will say you are lazy.
Or he tells you to find a job, and he doesn’t know that you are depressed because there is nothing you want to do. His words only make you more depressed.
We understand that no one wants a lazy and unmotivated partner, but a little understanding wouldn’t hurt, right?
A Caring Husband
A husband who cares for you will not tell you that you are lazy but will approach the problem that is bothering you.
He will give you a lot of time and space to solve what is bothering you.
This kind of husband doesn’t come with a list of what you haven’t done, just to shove it in your face, but he offers solutions.
He is ready to compromise, and he will be there for you whatever troubles you.
How to Respond When Husband Calls You Lazy?
How you proceed depends on which of these three previous examples you found your husband.
If calling you lazy is just the tip of the iceberg that hides his other behavior toward you, it’s probably time to move away from such a person. No one should suffer abuse.
Your husband doesn’t understand you? Maybe it’s time to work on mutual understanding.
Tell him how you feel. Explain to him that you may suffer from physical and mental problems which disrupt your functioning.
If you and he both work full-time, we don’t see why you shouldn’t share the chores around the house. It’s not fair then that you do everything.
There are no more traditional divisions of work by gender. Nowadays, everyone does everything just to make the marriage work well.
Your husband understands and doesn’t tell you “you are lazy,” but he cares for you. Then this text was just a confirmation that you don’t have this type of problem. Kudos to you and your husband.
What Really Matters is,
It can be painful when your husband tells you you are lazy.
Words hurt, but sometimes they wake us up.
It is up to you to determine which reaction is adequate.
Maybe the words will hurt you, and you will stay in the same place because of them.
There is a possibility also that those words and realizations will be the initiator of new energy in you that will change things for the better.
It’s up to you to decide. Good luck!