As different as you and your husband are, what will sustain and sometimes even save your marriage, in the long run, is mutual respect.
Love is great, but it is nowhere near enough for a happy and harmonious marriage. If your husband insists on having his way all the time, it can seriously threaten your marriage.
There are many reasons why your husband may constantly insist on having his way.
And as necessary as it is to understand those reasons, it’s just as important, if not more important, to stand up for yourself and not let him dictate your lifestyle.
We’ll provide you with some typical scenarios and reasons that explain this kind of behavior but also some suggestions on how to confront your husband’s selfish behavior, regardless of the reason behind it.
Reason #1 – The Patriarchal Inheritance
It is a common scenario that a man at the beginning of a relationship behaves like a real gentleman who meets your needs and respects you as a partner and person.
And then, you start living together, you have a child, and he suddenly becomes a neanderthal who treats you like his property and expects you to quietly do all the housework while he makes all the big decisions.
Some men can’t handle the transition from girlfriend to wife well. Once they have you, they treat you as if they earned you and as if now is your turn to give back.
They usually come from patriarchal families. They never questioned why their mother had to do everything in the house with no one to help her; they just accepted it as normal.
Now that you are their wife and the mother of their children, they expect you to behave just like their mother did.
This kind of man will not even bother to ask what you think about something; they will just make the decision on their own and present it to you as a sealed deal.
How to React:
Unless you have dreamed of being buried behind the household chores and responsibilities around children, you have to speak up.
Make a list of all the household chores you want him to participate in, all the decisions you want to make with him, the decisions you consider should be your own, and the decisions you believe should only be his.
Make sure you are composed and firm when you decide to start this conversation with your husband.
If you just mention this on the go, there’s a huge chance your husband will not take you seriously.
Make it clear that you can’t feel passion and respect towards someone who disrespects you.
This man needs to accept the reality that the times when it was considered that a woman’s place is in the kitchen and that the man is the boss in the house are long gone.
Reason #2 – Your Husband is Spoiled
Although it may look a lot like male chauvinism and patriarchal inheritance, your husband may simply be a selfish, spoiled child who is used to having things done his way.
If he grew up with permissive parents who fulfilled his every wish and consulted him about every decision even though he was a child, it could be challenging for your husband to get used to life and obligations in the world of adults.
Men like this are often very fun and charming before marriage, and you probably enjoyed having fun with them. Maybe you even admired how determined he was to have everything his way.
However, those same qualities are not at all charming in married life. You seem obliged to satisfy his needs constantly, and if you oppose his decision, he behaves like a spoiled child.
He simply feels entitled to everything he can think of, and his manner of putting his needs first has nothing to do with chauvinism. He is simply used to having everything his way.
How to React:
This kind of man can resort to tactics that make you feel guilty whenever you oppose his decisions. It’s probably a mechanism he picked up in childhood.
However, be decisive. For a start, just insist that things go your way when it’s important to you and watch how he gets on with it.
Avoid judging and criticizing him, maybe he deserves criticism, but you won’t achieve anything except that he behaves defensively.
Instead, simply explain why it is important to you that something be your way or that you make some decisions together, and don’t give up on it, no matter how much he sulks and opposes it.
Sometimes you can even leave him to bear the consequences of his insistence and refuse to participate in something if he has not consulted you beforehand.
Your husband must feel what life would be like without you and what respect means in practice.
Reason #3 – Your Husband Is Used to Taking All the Responsibilities
Maybe your husband is the oldest child in a large family, maybe due to his parent’s illness, he had to take on adult responsibilities early on, or perhaps he was always expected to take care of everything and everyone.
In these conditions, children often learn to feel accepted only if they have done everything right.
In adulthood, they have a strong desire for control and fear that if they let go of the reins for just a moment, everything will go to hell.
Their need to have everything their way is actually an attempt to control both the situation and you because that’s the only way they feel safe.
They also often believe that they somehow protect you and spare you the harsh sides of life by making decisions for you and insisting that everything be their way.
How to React:
In this case, a gentler approach will be more effective than direct confrontation. Try to reach out to your husband by telling him how you feel when he insists on doing things his way.
This type of man lacks a sense of security, a sense that he can hand over the reins to someone else without fatal consequences.
Find a way to communicate with him that you are able and willing to share some of the burdens with him.
This may take some time, but it is undoubtedly a better option than listening and suffering.
Reason #4 -Trust Issues
If your husband had dominant and authoritative parents who had very specific expectations of him and who always imposed their wishes on him, it might be a matter of survival for him to have everything his way.
Children who grew up under the pressure of parents who never allowed them to choose what they wanted had only two options: to become obedient and killed in the concept or to become revolted and rebellious.
Your husband’s need for everything to be his way reflects this second reaction to the environment in which he grew up.
However, the thing is that he has to see that he is no longer a child who has to fight for everything but an adult who shares his life with another adult.
How to React:
Resist the temptation to enter into a power struggle with your husband. You will notice that he tends to quickly turn everything into an either/or situation.
Instead, ask him calmly if he believes that the two of you can be happy as a couple by never complying with your wishes.
In most cases, this type of man is not even aware of how much they insist on doing everything his way.
By highlighting how you feel when he never hears your needs, you will open a whole new perspective for him.
Should I Divorce My Bossy Husband?
Breaking up is much simpler than attempting to make a relationship work and standing by each other through good times and bad.
You could never stay with someone for very long if you decide to leave a partnership at the first sign of difficulty. Give your marriage a fair shot by doing this first.
Do everything you can to resolve the difficulties, including having frank conversations with your husband and attending couples therapy.
You could rethink this relationship’s future if he stays the same selfish guy.
Your mental health may be severely strained if you have to deal with a dominant, self-centered husband daily.
And sometimes, it takes tough love to get the point across to them. Your spouse must realize he can’t constantly act with a “my way or the highway” mindset.
Be a little selfish. Try making an additional effort when he declines to lend a hand.
There is no acceptable reason in the world to share your life with someone not interested in hearing you.