You are in your mid-twenties, and your parents are still controlling your life? Do you feel that you cannot progress because of it and that you are stuck in a place and do not know how to change it?
The mid-twenties are that period of life when we are still young, but we are ready for responsibility and independence.
We know ourselves well enough to know what we want and in which direction we want our life to go. At this time, we probably have already started earning for ourselves, and we can care for ourselves. In any case, we do not need control of any kind. We are ready to be responsible for our actions.
You feel the time has finally come to let your parents know that their control bothers you and fight for your independence.
A parenting style in which parents control their children too much is known as authoritarian or helicopter parenting.
In this parenting style, the parent is highly controlling and does not leave much autonomy to the child.
The damage that parents can do in this way to a child’s self-confidence is enormous.
If you’re not sure if your parents are too controlling, these are some obvious signs.
They interfere in every part of your life
Why didn’t you go to college? When will you find a real job? Or, who are you dating? These are just some of the questions you will often get from controlling parents.
Of course, parents are the ones who take care of us at the beginning of our lives and are there until we are not capable of it ourselves. Parents’ interest in the child’s life is also normal and natural.
Here we are talking about extreme cases when you cannot make any decision independently without their interference.
They criticize every attempt at your independence and individuality
You are tired of constant criticism of everything you do.
Highly critical parents may significantly impact their children, increasing their risk of potential mental health problems, especially problems with self-esteem.
Building one’s personality is of crucial importance for each of us.
If parents do not allow their child to develop their identity and personality, they can cause enormous problems in their development in the future.
They inherited the same parenting systems from their parents
If their parents were also abusive, overly controlling, and toxic, unfortunately, there is a possibility that your parents have adopted these same systems.
They think that if these systems work for them, they will work for you too.
They are perfectionists and highly demanding
Nothing is good enough unless it is perfect. Only perfection is good.
Maybe your parents are too successful in their careers, or even not, but they want you to be. In any case, they transfer their complexes to you.
The roots of this problem can be seen very early, from the first grades in school, sports successes, until adulthood, where you still have to be perfect according to their unrealistic standards.
They pass their insecurities on to you
By over-controlling you, your parents are controlling themselves and their fears.
They are controlling their insecurities by creating an atmosphere of strict rules towards you. By constantly keeping you under control, they feel they have control over themselves.
They guilt-trip or shame you
They constantly make you feel guilty and ashamed to keep you under their control.
You will probably hear statements like, “A good son/daughter would never do this to their parents.” Or the classic: “I did everything for you, and this is how you give me back.”
Because you feel you will hurt or embarrass them, you cannot get rid of their control.
If, after reading all this, you realized you have a problem with an over-controlling parent. Here are tips on how to deal with them:
Establish healthy boundaries
Healthy boundaries must exist in all relationships, even with parents.
Make it clear to them what bothers you and what you will not tolerate. Do it nicely, don’t turn it into an argument.
They cannot interfere in some spheres of your life, especially if that makes you uncomfortable and they don’t support you.
Get rid of the need to please them
The first person whose wishes you need to satisfy is you, not your parents.
Your parents gave you life, but your life is your choice, especially now that you’ve grown up.
Don’t let your parents dictate your life so that you always have to please them.
Work your way toward financial independence
If money is the reason why your parents still control you, it’s time to put an end to it.
Being financially independent means you must take actions such as finding a job, keeping your bank account, and paying your bills.
We know this can be difficult, but financial independence is often necessary to break free from controlling parents.
Try moving out of your parents’ house
This tip is closely related to the previous one.
Being 25 years old and still living with your parents is not the worst thing in the world. If you think living with your parents is too restrictive, it’s time to think about moving.
You are tired of the saying: “While you are under my roof,” change that roof then.
Work on your self-confidence
Your self-confidence may have suffered if you’ve had over-controlling parents all your life.
Do things that make you happy and surround yourself with positive people. If you think it is necessary, you can seek the help of a psychotherapist.
In the end,
We can agree that parents are the most important people in our development. But that does not give them the right to limit and control us.
It is possible to have a normal relationship with parents even if they are too controlling by nature.
The common thing with all the tips above is that you are not changing them but yourself. As you change yourself, you also change how you react to their attempts to control you.
You have the right to control your life and enjoy it the way you want.