It happened again. You fell into a trap and told your parents everything like you do every time. So what’s wrong with that?
Nothing except that now you feel hurt because you didn’t get the expected reaction.
You say you won’t do it again, but the same thing always happens. Are you familiar with that situation?
You tell your parents everything you said you wouldn’t, and in the end, it ends up the same. You are hurt and disappointed and wonder how long you will repeat this.
It’s not your fault that you want to tell your parents everything.
Parents are the first pillar in our lives. We see them as authoritative figures and our protectors during our growing up. It is entirely natural for a child to tell everything to a parent.
If you have a healthy relationship with your parents, you should tell them everything you want. They will give you the support and understanding only a parent can provide.
A child should be able to tell their parents everything, especially growing up. But even when we grow up, that need also remains in us, even though it sometimes brings us more harm than good.
To understand why you shouldn’t tell your parents everything, it’s best to remember all the potential situations when you tell them something and you get a response that hurts you.
So, you say something to your parents and then:
You get a lot of criticism
Criticism is the most common unwanted reaction from parents to us.
We are not talking here about those positive and well-intentioned criticisms and advice. Here we are talking about toxic criticism, which is extremely hurtful.
Maybe your parents are toxic, and the only language they know how to speak in the language of criticism.
If your parents are perfectionists and have a perfect vision of how your life should look, expect a lot of criticism of your words and decisions.
Imagine the situation: You get your dream job, tell your parents, and they react by saying it’s not the right job for you.
Or you meet your soul mate, you enthusiastically say to your parents about that particular person, and from them, you only get criticism that it is not the right person for you.
Where there is criticism, there are arguments, and where there are arguments, there are harsh words. Your parents can use harsh words, but you can also fire back at them.
One thing is for sure, in the end, you will have a mix of emotions of anger, disappointment, and that well-known feeling, “why did I need to say this in the first place.”
Instead of understanding, you get a complete misunderstanding
Maybe your parents aren’t so bad at heart, but they don’t understand you.
Your parents do not understand your business, personal, or other decisions. Hey, remember how they didn’t know why you wore those T-shirts with band logos when you were a teenager?
Likewise, today they don’t understand why you live a particular lifestyle.
A generational difference is also possible here, but that should not be an excuse to suffer constant misunderstanding from your parents for everything you say.
A complete lack of interest occurs
This is probably the most painful situation. You say something to your parents, and only cold disinterest awaits you.
Your parents’ disinterest in your words can leave painful scars on your soul and damage your mental health.
There must be some reasons for such behavior from your parents. Maybe they have always been like that, or perhaps something forced them to be like that.
Whatever is behind this behavior is not an excuse, and you do not deserve to experience it.
They use your words to control you
Do you feel like your parents influence your life?
When you think about it, they have always been too controlling of you. Now that you are an adult, that pattern continues, and you consciously participate in it.
You participate by naively telling them everything, and they later use it against you.
That conversation can pass pleasantly, and the parents may even show understanding. But wait for it! They will use what you told them at the worst moment against you.
Using and turning your words against you is not something you should get from anyone when you tell them something honestly, especially not from your parents.
They feel guilty because of your words
Parental instinct is one of the strongest, and a parent always wants to protect his child.
You are an adult now; you have your problems and worries, tell your parents about them, and then they feel bad about it.
Your parents feel guilty and responsible for every little thing that bothers you. They don’t understand that you are now grown up and that you fight your own battles and solve your problems.
What are the best ways to stop telling your parents everything?
First, realize with yourself that their reaction to some of your words hurts you. You love your parents, and they love you, but it’s time to recognize that some topics should not be brought up in front of them.
After that, determine what those topics are and try to avoid them. Avoiding is not the best solution, but it’s better than letting all that critics fall on you.
We often hear the expression “my parents are like my friends.” That’s ok. Some people have a more casual relationship with their parents.
But don’t let that fool you into thinking that you, too, have that kind of relationship. Some things are told to friends, not to parents.
If you think that some problem you have will only upset your parents, and you can solve it yourself, you better not tell them then. Or tell them when the problem is already solved.
Your parents don’t care at all what you have to say? Maybe it’s time to draw some lines and reevaluate your relationship with them.
What matters is,
You shouldn’t feel bad after talking to your parents. They are here to listen, advise and support you.
You can have a quality relationship with them even if you don’t tell them everything. Don’t think that not telling them everything will disrupt your relationship. It may be the opposite.