Nothing is worse than when you mind your business and the argument suddenly starts.
You didn’t do anything to provoke it. Maybe you just came home from work or got out of bed, but those harsh words and objections awaited you like poisonous needles.
What is on today’s arguments menu, you are wondering. Is it something big like who are you dating? Why didn’t you go to college?
Or it is something small and trivial like why are you wearing that ugly T-shirt? Whatever it is, you are just sick of it and want it to stop.
Every argument is worse when the person you care about is on the opposite side of you. It’s horrible when you fight with your mother. Mother is the most crucial person in our lives, and our relationship with her is significant.
You can’t help but wonder, how did the two of you get into that situation? Why did you lose the idyllic relationship you once had? Who’s to blame? Is it her, or is it you? Or is the guilt shared?
All these questions bother you and disturb your daily life. The most important question to which you need to find an answer in this situation is: How to fix the relationship with your mother and stop all those toxic arguments?
In this article, by explaining why your mom argues with you constantly, we will try to give you some pieces of advice on how to fix your relationship with your mother.
Your mother didn’t have good role models
Unfortunately, parents often pass on their parents’ mistakes to their children.
If your mother was subject to the same toxic arguments from her mother when she was younger, there is a possibility that she adopted the same behavior.
She does not recognize that this system is terrible but thinks it is normal and justified. Maybe she even believes that this way, she is developing a strong character for her child.
Toxic perfectionism
It is usual for a mother to want his child to succeed in life in every aspect. But what if that need becomes a nuisance and a burden to the child.
Parents often want their children to be the best in everything. But your mother’s vision for you sometimes does not match the image of life that you want for yourself.
Maybe your mother is an overachiever, career-driven, and expects the same from you. She expects you to do what she wants and doesn’t respect your wishes.
When there is so much desire present, the disappointment can be huge. That disappointment quickly becomes complaints and arguments.
Victim mentality and blame game
Many arguments await you if your mother decides to fall into victim mentality or play the blame game.
You will probably hear the sentence: “I sacrificed everything for you, and this is how you repay me”. You will undoubtedly hear a lot about her dreams, what she could have been, what kind of career she could have had, and so on.
Whose fault is it that none of that happened? In your mother’s opinion, it’s yours. She sacrificed everything for you but will use every opportunity to remind you.
Even if you succeed in life, according to her, it is because she decided to play the holy victim so that you could achieve.
You and your mother are too different
You share the same blood, but that does not mean you are the same person.
You can have different views and opinions on all possible topics, and this can cause many potential arguments. Your mother may disagree with your lifestyle and choices in life.
It can be a generational thing. You know that different generations, such as boomers and millennials, do not understand one another.
You and your mother are too similar
Yes, even this can be a reason for burning arguments. You both are easily annoyed and offended. The same nervous personality is what describes you both.
In such a heated atmosphere, arguments are inevitable. Now, here are some strategies to stop or at least minimize the arguments:
Talk with her
Sounds pretty obvious, but it does matter how you approach it.
Tell her how her constant complaints ruin your inner peace and that you want to stop it. If you think it is necessary, you can go to psychotherapy together.
Try to step into her shoes
It is always tricky to look at the situation from a different perspective. The more complicated is when our mother is on the opposite side.
Try to understand her, what made her be this way. Acknowledge and respect her. Show empathy.
Set some boundaries
Healthy boundaries should exist in all relationships, and even with the mother.
It may be challenging to set boundaries with your mother, but if you set healthy boundaries, you will save yourself from unnecessary criticism.
Limit the time with her and choose what to tell her and what not
These are not permanent solutions, but they will help you listen to complaints a little less than usual.
If your mom does not respect boundaries, try limiting your time with her. Maybe she will realize how her objections create a rift between you two.
You probably already know which topics will start an argument, so avoid them.
You may not be able to change some of your mother’s habits, but with these two methods, you will at least minimize her arguments.
To Conclude
Constant arguments lead nowhere, and there are no winners in them.
Even minor complaints usually hide some bigger problem behind them.
You don’t want that feeling of emptiness and anger over you after an argument anymore. It’s up to you to decide the best way to stop your mother’s toxic nagging. Arm yourself with patience and positive energy.
You are thankful to her for everything, but you are grown up now and make choices for yourself, and your mom should respect that.