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Why Can’t I Talk to My Parents About Anything? 6 Reasons

The lack of communication and understanding between parents and children is hurtful. 

Parents are the first to hear us talk, and they are usually our first words.

How is it possible that you can’t speak to them now?

angry son and father

And no, this is not a teenage rebel phase. 

We are talking about an adult who cannot speak to his parents about anything without arguing.

Many questions appear: Who is to blame for this? Them or you? When did it start, and how long has it been going on? 

How do you establish a normal relationship with your parents, if possible?

You obviously don’t want to talk to your parents because of past experiences. You have a feeling that you know how it will end.

In the rest of this article, we will list potential scenarios that made you conclude that you cannot talk to your parents.

They Don’t Care What You Have To Say

Mother and daughter arguing

Your parents’ complete lack of interest in you is excruciating. 

No matter how old you are, this can hurt you and leave consequences for your self-esteem.

Parents are always expected to show unlimited love and interest in their children, but sometimes it doesn’t happen that way. 

Not all parents are perfect, and those who are not interested in what their children have to say are the farthest from perfect.

They Still Treat You Like a Little Kid

You will always be a child to your parents, so this is not strange.

Ask yourself first if you are behaving like an adult. 

You know how it goes; you take care of your work, career, money, and relationships on your own. 

If you’re not sure you’re doing it yourself, don’t blame them. 

If your parents help you here and there, that’s totally ok, but if you cannot make decisions on your own, ask yourself if you’re a manchild.

However, if you are a fully responsible and independent adult, the fact that your parents treat you like a child can be highly annoying.

You Always Feel Hurt After Talking to Them

Mad bothered millennial girl annoyed by authoritative lecturing mother

Every conversation between you and your parents ends in an argument.

In the end, you have that well-known nauseous feeling in your stomach. As if something is kicking your right in the gut.

There is much criticism, misunderstanding, and toxic energy on everything you tell them. 

Have your parents always been like this?

Those criticisms started when you were a child. 

First, they criticized your grades in school. Then came the teenage period and criticism of your clothing. 

As an adult, your work and your intimate partner are a target of those critics.

Criticism can be constructive and can be understood as advice. This is not the case here. 

These are toxic arrows of criticism aimed at you. It’s no wonder you don’t feel like talking to your parents.

You Are Afraid That They Will Use Your Words Against You

Authoritative mature mother sit on couch at home fight quarrel with grown-up adult daughter

Another highly complex situation. If your parents are manipulators and use your words against you somehow, it is no wonder you are afraid to talk to them.

Lying, guilt-tripping, and victim mentality should be avoided in all relationships, even with parents.

You Don’t Want to Hurt and Disappoint Them

It is in the nature of parents to want to solve their child’s problem.

However, this need to solve the problem can also be counterproductive.

What if your parents can’t solve the problem and think they can? And in the process, they create an even bigger mess and get hurt.

A valid reason you decided that you can’t talk to your parents is that no matter what you say to them, they think you’ve disappointed them.

The heavy burden of parental disappointment is not good for your self-confidence.

You and Your Parents are Two Different Worlds

It is not rare for a child to be the complete opposite of their parents.

We grow under their influence, but that does not mean we will have the same views on the world as them.

Various disagreements are possible, from trivial things like the football club you support to serious career topics.

It may be generational wars. Your parents are boomers on one side, and you are a millennial on the other.

Establishing Healthy Communication With Your Parents

Grown up daughter holds hands of mid aged mother sit on armchair looking at each other having heart-to-heart talk

You found yourself and your parents in this article. Since you are reading this, you want to change the current situation.

First, ask yourself, can something change in your relationship?

Can you communicate with your parents without arguments, or is it impossible?

The realization that the relationship between you and your parents cannot be repaired can be painful for you, but it is even more painful to be constantly hurt.

Maybe it’s time to come to terms with it, especially if your parents caused you a lot of pain and you feel like it will never change.

For a moment, think about the way you talk to them. About your tone and the way you communicate. 

If you are ironic, sarcastic, or unkind, don’t be surprised if they are like that too.

Try to understand them, no matter how hard it seems to you. Why are your parents like that? And why do they react like that?

Are all conversations and all topics doomed? There must be at least something you can talk about without arguments.

Once you determine which topics are triggers for arguments, avoid them

It is better to prevent talking about some touchy subjects and preserve the relationship with the parents you care about than to insist on talking about everything.

To Summarize,

You don’t get to choose your family, but you can decide how they’re allowed to treat you.

Families are not perfect, and arguments are part of their functioning.

But when it gets to the point where you can no longer speak to your parents without arguing, that’s a warning sign.

It is always best to save the relationship, especially with important persons such as parents. However, not all relationships can be saved.

We hope that this article will help you in the further steps of realizing your problem. Good luck!