Friday night, your friends invite you to a crazy night out, and you politely decline, as is your usual habit.
Your choice is a more relaxed evening, with a book or Netflix.
Or your friends invite you for coffee, lunch, or casual daily socializing. You again have excuses ready in advance for all calls.
You’re probably wondering if this is normal behavior. How come the friends you used to love spending time with are no longer interesting to you, to the point that you even avoid them?
Is the reason for that found in them or in you? Let’s go through the potential reasons.
You And Your Friends Are Only Bound by Memories From The Past
You know that scene where you meet a friend at school, and now you’re friends for life?
Cute story, but very often, things don’t go that way in life.
People change over time, and friendships often fade or are lost altogether.
Friendships don’t always stand the test of time; sometimes, distance and life take their toll.
You want to talk about something else, but they just want to talk about the past.
You don’t mind talking about high school adventures, but when you realize that’s the only thing you share with your old friends, it’s no wonder you don’t hang out anymore.
Friendship cannot be based only on memories from the past but must move forward to grow.
You No Longer Share The Same Interests With Your Friends
This is a common but valid reason why you don’t want to hang out with your friends anymore.
Differences should be nurtured, but each group of friends must at least be able to work together on something.
Ok, you functioned great when you were younger. Even the differences between you didn’t matter.
Now that you’re older, those things bother you, and you just feel uncomfortable.
Maybe even your friends are supporters of some ideas that bother you a lot.
You have changed, and your friends have changed. That is the harsh reality.
Maybe you changed, but they didn’t.
An excellent example is that you want to stop drinking alcohol, even hate it now, and they don’t accept it but insist that you drink like you used to drink in the “glory days.”
Are Your Friends Emotionally Draining You?
Do you feel totally exhausted after hanging out with friends?
You may be a victim of energy vampires.
Energy vampires are a special kind of vampire, disguised as ordinary people close to us.
Sound scary? Wait until you hear what they can do.
They can completely suck the energy out of you so that you feel empty after hanging out with them.
They don’t respect boundaries and like to blame their problems on others.
They confirm the pattern that usually miserable people try to make others miserable.
Did you recognize your friends in this? If you are, holy water and garlic won’t help you like with the real vampires.
Are You in a Toxic Friendship?
We often hear the term toxic friends, but what does it actually mean?
For starters, they don’t respect any boundaries.
They are narcissistic drama queens who like everything to revolve around them.
Even when they ask you something about yourself, it’s just so they can start talking about them.
They like to minimize your success and increase theirs.
Even if you are having a rough time in your life right now, it won’t stop them from bragging about how they are doing great.
Friends should be there for you.
“I’ll be there for youuu”(“Friends” theme playing in the background). They are not, but expect you are there for them and don’t care about your needs.
Gossip is their favorite pastime, and they are jealous of other people’s successes.
They like to fill gaps in their lives by interfering in other people’s lives.
This is definitely the worst kind of friend.
Can this even be called a friend? With friends like this, who needs enemies, right?
Your Introverted Nature Prevents You From Socializing
You don’t hate your friends. You even love them and consider them good people.
But you still don’t want to hang out all the time, and too much socializing is a burden to you.
You may be an introvert.
Introverts don’t like crowded places. They prefer to be alone and carefully choose where they want to go.
Being an introvert is not a bad thing. That is just who you are, and you shouldn’t feel bad about it.
You Want to Keep the Friendship, but You Don’t Want to Hang Out All The Time
If you think your friendship is worth continuing, try this:
- Tell your friends how you feel;
- The past was great, but let’s enjoy friendship in the present too;
- Find some new common interests with your friends;
- Respect the differences between you;
- Create healthy boundaries;
- Explain to them that you are an introvert and expect them to understand.
How to Tell Your Friends That You Don’t Want to Go Out?
You’ve decided that you don’t want to go out with your friends anymore because you don’t think they’re real friends.
If you have decided that way, you have the right to that decision.
As hard as it is for you to tell them, it’s something you have to do.
You can start with the distance strategy first. As ugly as this sounds, sometimes it is necessary. No need to make a big drama about it.
Regardless of their toxicity, irresponsibility, or behavior that gets you into trouble, you’ve simply had enough of that kind of friendship.
The people you spend the most time with influence who you are.
“You’re the average of the five people I spend the most time with.”
Jim Rohn
To Conclude,
It is normal to not want to spend time with your friends.
You are fully entitled to that decision, whether for personal reasons, or you feel that spending time with them no longer fulfills you.
Real friends will understand your reasons if they are sincere, and if they don’t, they are not real.
Remember this: “We never lose friends. We simply learn who the real ones are”.