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Why Do Miserable People Try to Make Others Miserable?

If you tried to find someone who has never felt miserable, you would have a big problem.

Such a person does not exist. Each of us at least once felt miserable, hopeless, and as if nothing good could ever happen again.

miserable depressed man sit alone with city background.

However, most people get through such experiences and come back to life with a new lesson.

Then why do some people never stop feeling miserable, and why do they need others to feel that way?

Is it part of the character, a consequence of difficult life circumstances? How can you deal with miserable people?

These are some of the concerns we will tackle in this text.

Misery Needs Company

Miserable people are often very lonely. The only way for them to feel close to other people is to find a reason to make the people around them feel just as miserable.

They firmly believe that most people are actually faking happiness and that misery lurks behind every smile.

A conversation with them can therefore turn out to be investigative questioning. They prey on your weaknesses to attack you and make you feel as miserable as they do.

When they succeed, they feel that they are no longer alone, which makes them very satisfied for a moment.

Misery and Envy Get Along

bored girl

Miserable people won’t admit out loud that they are jealous of others’ achievements.

However, they will undermine other people’s accomplishments and triumphs by highlighting the drawbacks or downplaying the news, instantly dampening the other person’s enthusiasm.

This is their strategy to make the other person feel miserable even when they have every reason to feel happy and proud.

Miserable people feel deeply threatened by other people’s successes. A miserable person will go into great detail about everything that may go wrong when someone is joyful. 

Focus on Misery Brings More Misery 

Miserable people tend to concentrate on their interests and concerns because they think that no one else’s troubles or challenges are as severe as theirs.

Such a strong focus on what’s wrong with them and the world inevitably makes everyone around them feel bad.

These people have such a profound need to blame someone for their misery that they will not hesitate to find the reason to accuse anyone of bad intentions towards them.

This is also just one more strategy to make others feel miserable.

Highly supportive and kind people are especially prone to become victims of these people as they are quick to take responsibility for anything that goes wrong. 

Misery Brings Out the Worst in Everyone 

Two girls having hard talk, polemic and argue between friends, sisters or roommate concept

Miserable people anticipate the worst in others and have trouble believing that anyone would act with goodwill.

They’ll interpret every remark, opinion, or statement negatively, thinking the other person was trying to humiliate, denigrate, or disrespect them.

They contend that most people’s motives are primarily motivated by disgrace, so they naturally assume a defensive position.

This defensive attitude makes others feel bad. They feel the need to justify their behavior even when they only want to do some good.

A miserable person talks about their problem like there is no possible solution. They will find a problem for any solution.

They are afraid that if they solve their problem, they will no longer have an excuse to feel miserable, and they have no clue what to do when they don’t feel miserable. 

Miserable Fights 

Another strategy that miserable people use to make others feel miserable is a pointless argument.

A miserable person will occasionally begin a quarrel with someone close to them out of the blue.

They typically pick a fight about a ridiculous issue that has nothing to do with the circumstances.

Second, they’ll be ready to call it out if they don’t get the kind and sympathetic response they’re hoping for.

However, suppose the other person brings it up again. In that case, they will make sure to give the impression that they are illiterate and that they never meant for the circumstance to arise.

Despite starting the conflict, they will soon pretend to be the victim.

The other person will most likely feel furious at first and desperate and miserable when the game is over. 

Misery Finds Fault in Everything

Mother and daughter arguing

No matter how great the circumstances and people are around them, and no matter how much attention they get, miserable people will always point out the bad in everything.

They even feel a duty to criticize, as if criticism is the only way to communicate with the world. It is difficult for them to praise the people around them.

They see something bad in every success and blame others for every failure. They never see personal responsibility for their feelings or anything happening to them.

As they only find faults in other people, people naturally do not feel good around them and instinctively withdraw.

Miserable people interpret such a reaction as confirmation of their belief that nothing is right and continue to wallow in unhappiness.

In Conclusion 

Suppose you have a person in your environment who is always miserable.

In that case, it is important to understand that there is nothing you can do or say that will make that person really change their mindset.

When misery becomes a mindset and not just a passing state, an expert is needed to help people recognize and change their negative thinking patterns and take responsibility for their feelings.

What you can do to protect yourself from the games miserable people play is not fall for their strategies.

Their ultimate goal is to make you feel as miserable as they feel.