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Why Married Couples Should Not Live with Their Parents?

In the not-so-ancient past, it was common for newlyweds to continue sharing a home with their parents.

In some aspects, such a solution made life easier both for the aging parents and the newlyweds – the elder had someone to take care of them while the younger had someone to help take care of the newborns.

Nowadays, this kind of arrangement is more often the result of insufficient financial resources than the wish of the happy couple.

financial problems in marriage

Apart from the opportunity to save money and get help with the offspring, living together under one big roof does offer many more advantages.

Many make this choice because it makes them feel more secure living close to their family, but staying in the nest for longer than necessary often comes at a very high price.

In this article, we will share some of the most essential reasons why married couples should not live with their parents and ensure you thoroughly understand all the risks of such a decision. Keep on reading to find out:

Have You Married the Person or Their Entire Family?

No family is perfect, and none of us is immune to the pains of growing up and maturing.

We all experience rough patches throughout childhood, and we all develop specific patterns of behavior due to specific experiences that we’ve gone through within the family we were raised into.

These patterns may not always (and most often are not) the healthiest, yet they are deeply imprinted in the way we think, act, and feel.

Luckily, most of us were raised by good enough parents and managed to get rid of most of these dysfunctional patterns.

But what happens if we get back precisely to where those unhealthy coping styles were created and at the moment when we are particularly vulnerable?

That’s one of the biggest reasons why married couples should not live with their parents.

While they are still getting used to their marriage, they have to simultaneously adjust to the marriage of their parents.

The situation can be particularly triggering for the partner coming into the family, as it may take some time until the feeling of being new in the house wears off.

Passion and Parents Do Not Mix Well

It is only natural for the newlyweds to want to explore their relationship and sexuality.

Although they know each other well, marriage changes the tone of the relationship and often opens the door to all kinds of new experiences.

Partners may feel safer when they officially seal the deal, which may lead to feeling more freedom in their intimate relations.

How do parents fit into this picture?

Well, unless your parents own a castle with 150 bedrooms, the answer is simply – they don’t.

privacy in marriage

The beginning of a marriage is a precious time when the couple should feel free to experiment, indulge their sensual appetites, set their own rules, and not think about how these rules match the rules of their parents.

So, instead of practicing tantra, you may end up practicing patience with your parents’ unsolicited advice.

Are Your Partner’s Issues with Their Parents Your Issues?

Even the happiest families have their share of conflicts and family drama.

These are usually easily left behind when the person leaves home and becomes independent, but what’s left behind isn’t always resolved.

Any slow-burning issue that has ever burdened your relationship with your parents may, at some point, set the fire once again as soon as you go back to the family house.

This is especially the case if you already have some trouble with setting personal boundaries.

As parents get older, it may become more and more difficult for them not to interfere with your marriage, and you may find it exhausting to avoid conflict and tiptoe around them.

You Are Always a Child to Your Parents

It’s hard to behave like an adult towards your parents and not feel like you’re losing your parents.

It is the sense of security – the very reason why couples sometimes choose to stay in the family home – that is first compromised through living together under one roof.

Parents interfering with decisions, lifestyle, and way of raising children not only burden the relationship on a daily basis but also permanently damage our family relationships as a whole and jeopardize the very sense of basic security.

Once damaged, these ruptures may take a long time to heal, and they affect the entire family system.

Conflicts Escalate More Easily

When you share a home with your parents, all the conflicts between you and your partner easily escalate into conflicts for the whole family.

marriage conflicts 1

Conflicts are challenging, by definition. In a situation where you share a home with your parents, you have to be extra careful that the conflict between you and your partner remains only between the two of you.

That is very difficult when you have to maintain so many different relationships.

In a family home, you are always someone’s child, spouse, and parent at the same time, and it takes a lot of maturity and skill to successfully cope with all these roles in a harmonious environment, let alone when a conflict arises.

What if Living with Parents is Not a Choice but a Necessity?

We shared many reasons why married couples should not live with their parents.

But, if you can’t avoid living with your parents after getting married for whatever reason, there are ways to make the best out of the situation.

  • You should first talk to your partner and clearly communicate all the potential pitfalls that may come your way while in the parents’ house. The two of you need to establish a conflict resolution strategy that you will always stick to.
  • Second, it would be wise to make arrangements about daily chores – who does the laundry, who cooks, who does the dishes, etc.
  • Be honest about your relationship with your parents, and warn your partner about any potential issues that could cause major discussions.
  • Finally, talk to your parents, ask them about their expectations and share yours.

The more things you take care of in advance, the less room you leave for misunderstandings, conflicts, and arguments.

If you set clear boundaries from the beginning, there’s a fair chance that living with your parents will not be such a problem.

In Conclusion: Short Term Advantages – Long Term Troubles

If you are sure you can handle all of the above potential issues well, may be living with your parents will not be so stressful for you or harmful to your marriage.

Weighing the pros and cons is always a good idea.

This sort of decision should never be made lightly, so we encourage you to analyze and explore your options with your partner before committing to any kind of lifestyle.

Sometimes, living with parents is inevitable for a couple, but make sure your decisions are well-informed whenever you have a choice.