Passionate fights look good in movies, but only in movies do they end happily.
Good communication is key to a successful relationship and marriage, and frequent quarrels indicate precisely that something is not right in communication.
If you can’t talk to your husband without him getting angry, it’s time to reassess your relationship and find out where things went wrong.
Because arguments are rarely resolved by themselves, even when it’s just a matter of small things. They easily become a habit and show disrespect, which is by no means a good example, especially if you have children.
So what should you focus on if your husband turns every conversation into an argument?
Why you can’t talk about everything without drama and how to improve communication are some questions to which you will get an answer in this text.
How Come We Can’t Talk Without My Husband Getting Angry?
Anger is an emotion we use to signal to the environment that we want something to change.
When something or someone crosses or threatens our boundaries with their behavior, anger is the natural and healthy reaction.
However, if in a relationship we constantly feel rage, we have the need to constantly express anger, this does not in any way indicate a healthy relationship.
It is very typical for men to use anger to express a wide range of emotions.
Since they are culturally conditioned not to show weakness, not to show vulnerability, sadness, and fear, they often mask all these very different emotions with anger.
Suppose your husband needs to control everything and generally promotes a macho image. In that case, anger often shows that he is running out of capacity to deal with a stressful situation.
It is very important to determine where the source of the anger is. Is it something to do with your relationship, or is your husband just using your relationship to vent.
Let’s go through some typical scenarios why your husband gets angry so easily whenever you talk.
He Is Under a Lot of Stress Lately
Does your husband usually confide in you when he has a problem at work or another situation that makes him particularly nervous?
If your answer is no, it is very possible that some stressful situations have culminated, and he simply no longer has the capacity to hold them inside, so he impulsively explodes using the slightest reason for it.
Suppose he experiences great stress and is not emotionally aware. In that case, he can easily project the cause of his dissatisfaction onto your relationship and use it as a safe base on which he can behave as he wants.
The key is to establish some personal boundaries and not let yourself be affected by your husband’s behavior.
He has to learn some healthy stress coping strategies, but you can not be his teacher or therapist. You can only offer kind advice and take some distance until he cools down.
He is Taking You for Granted
Immature men raised in a patriarchal manner tend to treat women as if they were their property.
It’s as if they have the right to treat her however they want, and it goes without saying that the woman will put up with it and understand it.
On the one hand, this kind of relationship resembles the relationship between a small spoiled child and his mother; he can rage and make scenes, and the mother will do everything to calm him down.
On the other hand, this relationship actually looks much more like abuse because neither of you is the child or the parent. It is very important to set boundaries for such a man.
Keep in mind that any change is very difficult for him and that if you want to save your marriage, you will have to engage in some kind of re-education.
Come to terms with the fact that you are not responsible for his behavior or his feelings. It is up to you to protect yourself and set firm personal boundaries.
You are both fully responsible adults for yourself. Maybe your husband isn’t ready for the change needed to make your marriage last.
In that situation, the only thing left for you is to look for a marriage counselor, but remember that you both have to equally want to save the relationship for the relationship to succeed.
He Is Passive Aggressive
Passive aggressive behavior refers to a person’s inability to express anger assertively. It also points out that a person feels they have no right to be angry.
Passive aggressive coping is a simultaneous attempt to hide and suppress anger and punish the other person whose behavior is perceived as the cause of the anger.
Most often, people adopt this pattern of behavior in childhood and are unaware of how unpleasant it can be for others.
It is an even bigger problem when they themselves are not aware of how much anger they feel, so they don’t even see that they are constantly lashing out at other people.
The key is understanding that his anger has nothing to do with you. Reject the guilt that passive-aggressive people often unknowingly cause in others.
Learn to distance yourself, recognize when your husband starts his passive-aggressive game, and get out of communication in time. Let him deal with his anger on his own.
It will force him to look for more constructive ways to deal with stress.
You Both Avoid Facing the Truth
Sometimes, when the closeness and that main feeling that kept you together is lost in a relationship, partners resort to arguments to hide the gap in the relationship.
Frequent arguments and conflicts mask the sad truth – that you don’t love each other anymore, so you go with the logic that it’s better to feel anything for each other than be completely indifferent.
In this case, the arguments are typically shallow. They revolve around insignificant things as if both of you are intuitively looking for some external reason to break up.
The only good advice for this kind of situation is, to be honest, and maintain mutual respect since everything else has already evaporated.
You can still stay in a good relationship even though you may not be romantically interested in each other anymore, but arguments lead nowhere.
Quarrels Have Become a Pattern
Once you get into a rut, it’s hard to get out of it. In a rush around everyday obligations, even if you have children, losing the spark that made your relationship special is easy.
When the relationship loses quality, partners react differently. Your husband may react angrily because he feels he has lost something important from your relationship and is unaware of what.
Ask yourself how satisfied you are with your relationship. When was the last time you had enough time and enjoyed ourselves together without the pressure of various obligations?
Plan a weekend trip together. Maybe a relationship is all you need to return to the relationship you both enjoyed. If planning such a trip leads to an argument, let him suggest how to repair the relationship.
Is It All Just a Game?
It is essential you identify the reasons that most often cause your husband to get angry. Are they always the same, or does he always use any convenient excuse to vent his anger?
If he always gets angry about the same things, it’s possible that something specific about your behavior is bothering him.
But if his anger is completely unpredictable, then surely it is not you, but something is happening to him.
Quick Tips for Communicating Your Needs Assertively:
- Clearly state your objectives. A common barrier is a lack of clarity on your objectives or the demands you wish to express. The likelihood that your needs will be met might be increased by giving your goals some thought. Goals should always be specific.
- Apply the Broken Record method! If your message is not what other people want to hear, it might not be received well the first time. Before your message is understood, you might need to repeat yourself multiple times.
- Determine and refute any false beliefs or thoughts. We can be prevented from being assertive by unhelpful attitudes about our capacity for assertiveness or the effects of assertiveness. Challenge these ideas by envisioning what you’d say to a friend who is thinking similarly or by drawing on your own prior assertiveness to refute any harmful projections.
- Be selective! When are you most likely to listen and react favorably to an assertive statement from another person? If you’re like the majority of people, it’s not when you’re exhausted, stressed out, or upset! Pick a time and location when everyone is quiet and where there won’t be too many interruptions.
- Create a script for assertiveness and rehearse it beforehand. Effective communication may be challenging, especially when feelings are running high. To help you remember your primary point, prepare what you want to say in writing. Practice with a friend or in front of a mirror!
Regarding anger issues, it all comes down to personal boundaries and how successfully you can set them.
Whether close to us or not, people around us intuitively feel how far they can go with us and how we allow them to treat us.
So, whatever the reason behind your husband getting angry whenever you talk, the key is to set your own personal boundaries and stick to them consistently.