Marriage is, among other things, a promise that you will love someone for better or for worse. Loving someone, for better or worse, definitely means taking care of your partner when he is sick.
If your wife doesn’t take care of you when you’re sick, it can be a sign that something is seriously wrong with your relationship.
To begin with, think about the context:
- Does she normally not take care of your needs, or can’t stand it when you are sick?
- Has she taken care of you before when you were sick and suddenly stopped doing so?
- Are you the type of person who always puts their own needs above the needs of others?
It is not easy to see the reality of the situation when you are hurt.
Of course, you always have the right to rebel and draw your wife’s attention to behavior that you do not consider adequate.
But to be able to inspire and really influence her to change her behavior, you need to understand the motive behind her neglect of you when you are sick.
1. She Is a Narcissist
Narcissistic personalities can be very attractive, but they are not strong support in crises.
Narcissists are so preoccupied with their own needs that they cannot recognize or adequately address the needs of others.
For a woman with narcissistic personality traits, your illness is an annoying obstacle to fulfilling her desires. Usually, narcissistic women have no sympathy for their sick husbands.
She will just wait for it to pass. Such women may theatrically state that your illness is too much for them, that they cannot bear to see you sick, and that it is best to just stay away from you until you are well.
What can you do?
Nothing is more attractive to a narcissist than seeing himself as a hero.
Present your illness to your wife as a context in which she is your only hero and savior who can heal you thanks to her personality’s miraculous power.
Although she will provide you with some care that way, be aware that you have given her material for another narcissistic eulogy.
She will not hesitate to boast about how she was self-sacrificing, indispensable, and superior when you were sick.
Without professional help, do not expect more from a narcissistic person.
2. She Is Infantile and Relies on You Too Much
Infantile women who see in you a guardian and a hero who takes care of the unpleasant side of life see your illness as a danger to the way of life they are used to.
Like children, they have the feeling that they don’t have the strength to fight life’s difficulties, and that’s why they gladly and easily hand over the reins to a man in their life.
Paradoxically, when you are sick, she will feel threatened.
In such a situation, the infantile woman will seek comfort from her parents, maybe even go to them until you get better, or call her mom to take care of her.
You are a kind of the third parent to her, and she can’t stand the idea of having to rely on her own strength and face life on her own.
What can you do?
You will probably feel the need to comfort your wife even though you are sick.
However, like children, these personalities respond to clear instructions.
Since your illness is certainly not a good time to go into an in-depth analysis of her psychology and the pathology of your relationship, you can explain to her in detail what you need from her when you don’t feel well.
Don’t forget to also tell her, just like you would to a small child, that everything will be as it was after you get better.
3. The Illness of a Close Family Member Scared Her
If a close member of your wife’s family was seriously ill or even died due to the consequences of some disease, it is highly expected that your wife will carry some kind of trauma because of it.
Your illness may trigger memories of an experience that was too painful for her, and she may feel the need to escape from it.
It doesn’t matter if it’s just a cold or a more serious illness. For her, it can simply be a bitter reminder of the terrible experience.
What can you do?
If your wife is otherwise wonderful and understanding of your needs, it is likely that the reason for her not taking care of you when you are sick is a traumatic experience.
Wait until you’re well, then use some good time to talk about why she bothers to care for you when you’re sick.
Be very careful because if you act too aggressively, you can retraumatize her, and that will not lead to a solution to your problem.
4. She Is Revengeful Because You Ignore Her Needs
And before you complained that your wife doesn’t care for you when you’re sick, did you ask yourself how much you take care of her needs?
If you are used to her taking care of everything, you rely on her regarding children, work, or the household, she may be simply mad at you for your carelessness.
By ignoring your needs when you’re sick, she’s actually telling you: you see what it’s like to be left on your own.
What can you do?
First of all, start paying attention to everything that works to make your family work.
Don’t wait for her to ask you for help or to pass out from exhaustion before you offer to share the responsibilities.
Don’t miss a single day to ask her how she is feeling. Talk to her, but also actively support her in everyday life.
Maybe going to the grocery store seems silly to you, but for her, it means about 15 minutes for herself.
Every relationship is based on reciprocity. Think about it.
5. She Never Asks for Help and Expects the Same of You
So you have an independent, strong woman who can do everything on her own, who is successful and a real tigress in all spheres of life?
Did you like that she is so independent and doesn’t require a lot of emotional support to function well?
Well, even though she seems like a superwoman, your wife grew up in a family where no one adequately cared for her needs, so she learned to rely too much on herself and thinks it’s normal.
Moreover, she believes that everyone should be as tough as she is.
It’s possible that you don’t even know when she’s sick because she’s used to suffering from fatigue and discomfort and copes very well with stress.
The only trick is that she expects the same from you.
What can you do?
Well, in this case, there is very little you can do in a hurry. You may lose her respect if you ask her for more attention.
Take advantage of a convenient moment when you are both healthy to talk about all the difficulties that life can throw at you and how you expect your partner to behave.
This type of woman needs to learn that asking for help is not a weakness but a strength, and she will learn that best if you offer her care and support when she needs it, even though she doesn’t ask for it.
6. She Can Not Stand to See You Weak
If what attracted your wife to you was an image of strength and invulnerability, and if you are otherwise happy to play the role of a macho man, your illness is too much of a threat to the illusion you are nurturing.
Women who cannot bear to see weakness in a man are indeed not rare. They are just too culturally conditioned.
However, this also means that your relationship lacks depth and intimacy.
What can you do?
Closeness builds slowly and gradually but grows fastest when you overcome a challenging situation together.
Show her a different kind of strength through open conversation, be vulnerable in front of her but without shame, and bravely allow yourself to act exactly how you feel.
At the same time, you give her permission to behave spontaneously and naturally.
7. Are You Just Too Whiny When You Are Ill?
How much care do you actually expect when you are sick? Do you turn into a demanding child who wants his mom to sing him songs while feeding him soup?
Are your expectations realistic and appropriate for your age and your relationship with your wife?
Even though you only have a cold, do you act like you are terminally ill?
Think about what you expect and what you should expect from your wife when you are sick.
Introspection is the only solution in this case.
If you also have kids together, your wife may feel very repulsed by the idea of having to nurture one more child.
As you can see, there are many reasons why your wife does not care for you when you are sick. It’s great that you noticed that there was a problem, whatever the cause of it. Only when you know you have a problem can you solve it.