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Why Do I Feel Bad Asking for Things?

When a child is born, it is completely helpless, and its life depends on adults.

Apart from breathing and sleeping, a baby can do almost nothing else on its own, so the first skill it learns is the skill of asking others to take care of its needs.

Since he cannot speak, the baby will at first only cry when he needs something, and over time he will learn to express himself and ask for what he needs in finer and finer ways.

As the baby grows, it acquires more and more skills, develops more and more abilities, and learns that it can do many things independently.

Baby's first steps holding mother's hands

This is such a natural process, and it sounds so simple that we can easily ask ourselves why we so often feel bad asking things from other people.

Although each of us has the capacity to do all essential things completely independently, we should not forget that we are born into a relationship and that it is completely natural to strive for connection with other people throughout our lives and to ask others for various things.

If we rely too much on ourselves, it will be sustainable for a while. Still, in the long run, it often leads to stagnation in personal development and missing opportunities to learn new skills and lessons that come to us only through relationships with others.

You may find it difficult to ask for things from other people for many different reasons.

This article will help you understand some of the most common issues behind this difficulty.

You Feel Ashamed of Asking Things from Others

woman talking with man in cafe

Sometimes parents unintentionally create in their children the feeling that it is shameful to ask anything from other people.

To feel embarrassed when you ask for something, the other person doesn’t even have to tell you that they think it’s wrong.

All they have to do is respond to your request with a hostile, unpleasant, judgmental expression, and you’ll feel embarrassed for asking them at all. 

This is exactly the scenario that plays out in many families, and thus the child learns from experience that every time they ask for something, something unpleasant will happen to them.

If each time you need to ask someone for something, you have the impression that you will not encounter a positive reaction, it is natural that you feel bad.

The reason for this is most often in the way your parents or older brothers and sisters reacted when you asked them for things.

So, think and remember what your first experiences in this regard are and how realistic it is that you have the same expectations in the present in a specific situation.

The remedy, in this case, is to always remind yourself what the real cause of your embarrassment is.

Then you will understand that this feeling has nothing to do with the situation here and now. It is only natural to seek what you need from other people.

You Prefer to Rely on Yourself Only 

People who were pushed to become independent too early and received praise because of it often feel that it is not normal to ask for anything from other people.

They are taught that they should do everything themselves. 

Even when asking for help or favor from others is objectively a better and more efficient solution, these people wait until asking becomes absolutely inevitable.

Even then, they feel bad for asking. Sometimes they even perceive the very fact that they have to ask for something as a great defeat and humiliation.

If you recognize yourself in this description, go back to the introduction of this text and think about how natural it is for people to ask for different things from each other.

The ability to create successful relationships with other people and the freedom to ask them for what we need is also an important sign of independence and maturity.

You Believe You Don’t Deserve to Ask for Anything

Two women talking about problems at home

Sometimes people feel that if they ask for something from another person, then they will owe that person in some way.

Sometimes they are afraid that others will ask for something from them, which they will not be able or will not give.

Since they believe that they have nothing to offer others, these people believe that they have no right to ask, let alone receive, anything from others.

The combination of these complicated beliefs makes them feel very bad when they ask for anything from others.

And when they ask, they feel obligated and as if they must urgently reciprocate in kind. The essence, in this case, is a bad opinion of oneself.

Recognizing your qualities and what you provide to the people around you is important.

You need to understand that you have no more or less right than any other person to ask for what you need.

What You Need to Know if You Feel Bad Asking for Things 

Whenever you feel bad about asking for something, do a simple reality check:

  • Is what you’re asking for appropriate for the situation and the person you’re asking it from?
  • Are there objective reasons to feel bad for asking?
  • Can the person you are asking give you what you need?

If the answer to all three questions is yes, you have no reason to feel bad for asking.

We are all born into a relationship, and it is normal and desirable that we tend to establish different relationships throughout our lives.

We naturally have an innate predisposition to seek something from others. It is only when our need to ask is met with negativity and hostility that we begin to feel bad for asking.

So, all of us once knew how to freely ask for things we needed. Under the influence of various circumstances, we learned to modify the way we ask or give up asking.

You can get rid of this bad feeling by understanding what caused it. As in many other cases, practice makes perfect, so we encourage you to go out there and ask for what you need.