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My Wife Doesn’t Care About My Feelings – 8 Ways to Change That

The first thing you should ask yourself if your wife doesn’t care about your feelings is how well you recognize and respond to her feelings. 

In a relationship, the emotional equation is never simple, yet it is always based on reciprocity.

young couple disagreement

What eases any problem is good communication. But the communication will certainly crack when the emotional exchange does not flow smoothly.

Before you start trying various tactics and strategies to get your wife to pay attention to your feelings, we guarantee it is a much more effective approach to first review several factors:

  • Why do you care so much that a wife pays attention to your feelings?
  • Does your wife pay attention only to certain feelings, or does she completely ignore you emotionally?
  • Do you show and recognize your own feelings adequately? 

When you find the answers to these questions, you will be able to recognize the most effective strategy for improving your relationship.

Keep reading; you will find both the answers and strategies in this text.

Why Do You Need Your Wife to Care So Much?

Are you going through a particularly turbulent period? Is your wife busier than before and not as available to you? 

Have you recently left behind some extremely stressful event – death in the family, illness, or similar?

If the recent development of events has made you more sensitive than usual, it is quite natural to ask for more support from your wife. 

That is one of the basic functions of marriage. However, you have to tell her that. 

If you just start blaming her and criticizing her for not caring about how you feel, you won’t achieve anything except that you look weak and needy. 

If you decide to talk to her, explain what happened to you, how you experienced it, and how you feel about it. It is very likely that she will spontaneously offer you understanding and support.

If she doesn’t, if she still remains cold, you should know that it probably has nothing to do with you. 

People who have a problem with providing warmth and showing vulnerability learned early on that this is the only way to survive because, most often, they themselves were condemned to live with people who did not recognize their needs.

It’s hard to be a stronger partner when you feel hurt, but if you love each other very much, there’s always room for growth. 

The more approachable and consistent you are and the more often you talk about your feelings in a friendly way, as if it is something completely normal, because it is, the greater the chances are that you will eventually overcome this small crisis.

Your Wife Completely Ignores Your Emotional Reality 

couple talking about problems

If your wife completely ignores your emotions, there are two most likely reasons why:

  • You ignored her emotions when she needed support, and now she is passively taking revenge for it.
  • She doesn’t have the capacity to provide you with the support you need, so he takes a defensive stance to hide her feelings of inadequacy.

In the first case, the only thing you can do is to have a frank conversation with her and ask her how you can compensate for your inadequate behavior from the past. 

If it turns out that you really overlooked a moment when she was vulnerable or rejected her because she showed emotion, you must show her that you are now aware of your mistake. 

Besides closing the vicious circle of silent revenge, you will also get the support you need.

If, for any reason, she doesn’t have the capacity to provide you with emotional support but hides from her feelings and yours, the only thing you can do is be patient and wait until she feels safe enough to be vulnerable in front of you.

She will also have trouble admitting her fault, so you have to be patient with her. 

Until that happens, you have to directly and openly ask her for what you need.

You Don’t Show Your Feelings Adequately 

If you are sad but demonstrate rage, no one is obliged to recognize your true need. No one has the power to read your mind, not even your mom and certainly not your wife.

Moreover, everyone has the right to protect themselves from unreasonable outbursts of anger, rage, and hatred from whomever they come. 

So, if you find it hard yourself to be sad when you are sad but rather choose to play the traditional, macho role, which only portrays an emotionally illiterate person, and still expect your wife to be supportive and warm, it will not work. 

Courage has many different faces, but the greatest courage of all is to show your vulnerability. So, don’t complain that your wife ignores your feelings when you are actually the one who ignores them.

Acting depressed or angry or whatever in order to get your wife to react is manipulative and exploitative. 

Tell her what you need, rather than playing a role until she feels compelled to answer your needs. 

Instead of asking for help directly, you are holding her captive by your emotions. This may easily exhaust her and even turn her against you.

How to Make Your Wife Care for Your Feelings More

Beautiful young couple enjoying time together

Now that you can specify whether the problem is with you or her, you can explore tactics to help you achieve better emotional contact with your wife. 

Regardless of who has the problem, you share equal responsibility for your relationship, so don’t wait for her to make the first move. 

1. Talk, Talk, Talk 

Nothing can replace an honest conversation. But an honest conversation does not mean criticizing or blaming. 

This means you talk to your wife as if you were your best friend because that is what she can and should be for you. 

You don’t have to make a drama out of the conversation. It’s enough to choose a convenient moment during the day and tell her how you feel and ask her how she feels. 

It is important that you do not initiate sex during such a conversation because it can easily look like manipulation to her.

2. Show Her How Much You Love Her

Happy couple hugging on the top of a mountain.

Remember what signs of attention she likes. Instead of asking her to notice how you feel, make an effort to recognize how she feels. Offer her support, and help. 

Let her rest, go out with her friends, or leave her to read a book in peace if she needs it. This approach is especially effective for people not used to expressing their needs. 

When she notices how hard you work around her, your wife will definitely want to reciprocate.

3. Write Her a Letter

If it’s hard for you to say how you really feel, and your wife isn’t particularly expressive either, writing a letter is a simple technique that can help you a lot. 

And it is often easier to write about how we feel and what we need when there is no one to see us than when we are having a live conversation. 

Leave that letter for her under the pillow or in her purse or some other place where you know she will indeed find it. 

Even if this does not help you get what you want, at least it will be apparent to you whether it is worth the effort.

4. Refuse to Cooperate

Maybe a bit of a drastic tactic, but when someone persistently ignores us after we’ve already tried everything, we have to stay true to ourselves. 

Therefore, if it is difficult for you and your wife to act as if nothing is happening, refuse to participate in all joint activities until she takes you seriously.

5. Professional Help

Young married couple on psychological sessions

Although people often turn to marriage counseling only when it becomes unbearable, couples therapy should not be your last option. You would not believe how quickly and simply some things can be solved with the help of professionals. 

If your wife rejects this option, it may be time to reconsider your entire relationship. Can you share your life with someone who does not want to share your feelings with you?

Final Thoughts 

Keep in mind that improving your relationship won’t be as easy as doing something just once or twice. Even if your spouse doesn’t respond to your efforts at first, you must be consistent.

This is particularly true if you have previously neglected to treat your wife like this. She could first struggle to accept the reality of your actions. 

She will begin to believe you are sincere if you persist and demonstrate that you are altering your behavior rather than merely doing it to receive anything in return. 

Loving someone for who they are is a significant component of unconditional love. Stop nagging, criticizing, or pressuring her to change if you’ve been doing any of those things in the past. 

Start loving her for the person she is and nothing more, and accept her for who she is if you want to be accepted for who you are.