How many times have you heard that words can hurt?
Yes, that is true. Words alone can hurt more than actions and create massive relationship problems between partners.
Unfortunately, you’re someone who said some harsh words to your partner, and now you’re wondering how to undo the damage you’ve done.
How do you fix a relationship after saying hurtful things to your partner? Accepting your responsibility, acknowledging their feelings, sincerely apologizing and proving that you are sorry, and learning from your mistakes.
You wonder if your harsh words made your relationship irreparable, but know that it is possible to fix a relationship with the right approach.
In this article, we will better explain examples of how words can hurt your partner and give you some tips on how to fix your relationship.
How Can Your Words Upset Your Partner?
Words can be as sharp as a knife and cause deep emotional wounds.
With our words, we indicate our opinion about our partner. Therefore the consequences of those words are possible.
Here are some examples of words and phrases that hurt your partner and what message they send:
“I Hate You”
Sometimes that line between love and hate is thin.
You love someone with all your heart, but in the heat of an argument, you go into that fight or flight mode and say horrible things.
A terrible phrase often can be heard as “I hate you.” Even though you don’t mean it, you get emotional when arguing, and those words come out of your mouth because that’s how you feel at that moment.
How does your partner feel then? Ask yourself how you would feel.
Of course, you would feel terrible because just as you feel happy when your partner tells you they love you, you would feel hurt when they tell you they hate you.
The message you send with these words is that you don’t love your partner anymore and don’t want to be together. Your partner can take it that way even if it’s not true.
“You’re Not Good Enough”
Is there anything that can affect a partner more than these words, and what do they really mean?
Not good for what, exactly?
This can be about your partner’s physical appearance and making it known that you don’t like how your partner looks. This is obvious by those ugly comments you don’t hesitate to tell your partner just because they put on a few extra pounds.
Maybe you think your partner is lazy and unmotivated. Your relationship would be much better if only they were more involved. We can assume that you hate their job, and don’t hesitate to tell them what a failure they are.
The ultimate form of this “You are not good enough” behavior is if you feel that your partner is not good enough for you. That’s not too surprising because you tend to think you’re better than others.
The message you are sending with these words is that you think you are better than your partner and that they are only holding you back.
“Why You Can’t Be Like Someone Else”
Like who? Who is so good, and at what, that you don’t have a problem telling your partner about it all the time?
This kind of comparison can create enormous jealousy. If your comments about someone’s hot looks cross the line of good taste, no wonder it bothers your partner.
Let’s imagine a situation where it’s someone from your job. Add to that that you’ve already started staying longer at work, and some comments like this can start an argument sooner than expected. No wonder your partner will think you don’t respect boundaries at work.
The message you are sending with these words and comparisons is that you like someone else and that they are better than your partner.
“I Don’t Understand You”
Ok, this doesn’t sound that drastic, but let us explain.
These words can be addressed to your partner when they are going through a difficult time and want support, but all they get from you is a misunderstanding. You might even tell them they are dramatizing too much and that their problems aren’t significant.
Also, in a situation where your partner tells you about some of their goals and dreams that they want to achieve, you coldly say that it’s nonsense and that you don’t understand where they come up with such ideas.
If you are like this, we can only imagine how many special occasions you have ruined for your partner with your harsh words and negative attitude.
The message you are sending to your partner with these words is that you do not understand them and are not the right support when they need it.
How Does Saying Hurtful Things Affect a Relationship?
Insulting words can completely disrupt the flow of your relationship and have enormous consequences. This can start a whole chain reaction that can lead to the end of your relationship.
Here’s what that negative chain reaction looks like:
Harsh words > Regular arguments > Anger, blaming, personal attacks > Distance > Feeling less and less happy > Break up.
When we say offensive things to our partner, we create a feeling of anger in them, which quickly escalates into an argument. They may also feel hurt but also question their self-worth, which is an attack on their self-confidence.
All this creates resentment in the relationship. Resentment is related to feelings of hurt and disappointment and causes partners to distance themselves. This distancing manifests in the fact that partners talk and share things less and less, and there is also a lack of affection and intimacy.
7 Major Tips For Fixing a Relationship After Saying Hurtful Things
We hope you understand the consequences of saying hurtful things to your partner. Such behavior is offensive and hurtful but can also be an example of partner abuse in more extreme cases.
Is it possible to repair a relationship after saying hurtful things? Yes, it is! Here’s what you need to do:
1. Examine Your Words
First, you must examine what you said and figure out why you said it.
Maybe you’ve already forgotten because you weren’t even aware that it hurt your partner, or the argument was so heated that many bad words were said.
Did you really mean what you said?
Many people say things they don’t mean when stressed, especially during an argument. However, some then say everything they think. Do you know how drunk people usually say everything they actually mean?
That’s why you have to ask yourself if your words revealed that your relationship has no future or if they were just something said in the heat of the moment and what can be fixed.
2. Apologize Sincerely
Don’t apologize if you will continue to do the same.
An apology is necessary but genuine and sincere. The one that will make it clear to your partner that you are sorry.
But remember, an apology is only the first step to making things right.
3. Acknowledge Their Feelings
Just because something seems like not a big deal to you doesn’t necessarily mean it’s not a big deal to your partner.
We all react differently to words addressed to us. Even if your partner overreacted to some things you said, it’s up to you to determine why.
Your partner may be going through a difficult time, and they need your support more than before.
So please don’t play with your partner’s feelings, but acknowledge them.
4. Don’t Make Excuses
We all make mistakes, and we have the right to explain them and fix them.
You should explain to your partner why you said the things you said, but don’t make excuses.
Explain, not excuse.
If you say, “I shouldn’t have insulted you, but I was under a lot of stress at the time,” that is not an explanation but an excuse.
The explanation should sound like this, “I was under a lot of stress, but that’s no excuse to insult you.”
5. Take Responsibility For Your Actions
The characteristic of responsible people is that they stand behind their actions and take responsibility for them.
So don’t play the blame game with your partner, and minimize your guilt.
When you stand behind your actions and don’t make excuses, you let your partner know that you understand your actions’ consequences and want to change things.
6. Show That You Are Sorry
You have done all of the above, but you also have to show it in action.
Only “I’m sorry” is not always enough, and we know that actions speak much louder than words.
7. Give Your Partner Time And Space
Sometimes it is difficult to get over some hurtful things instantly.
If you offend your partner a lot, the flow of your relationship can change.
Don’t expect them to immediately act like nothing happened because you apologized. Instead, give your partner time to process everything, and don’t rush him.
Allow your partner to have alone time if they need to think about everything better.
Most Importantly – Think Before You Speak
We hope that you will learn from this experience to stop and think better before you say some hurtful things to your partner.
You always hear about the importance of communication, but sometimes overcommunication is bad too. Especially when we say something we don’t really mean but that hurts our partner.
Be careful with your words. Once they are said, they can only be forgiven, not forgotten.