Some big special, important day is coming, but you are not excited.
That day can be related to you; maybe it’s your birthday or some celebration of your promotion. It can also be a big holiday such as Christmas, Valentine’s Day, and similar.
In any case, based on previous experiences, you already know what will happen.
A day that is meant to be a time of joy, celebration, and happiness will be ruined by your partner.
Can’t help but wonder why your partner ruins every special occasion in your life? Behind this behavior lies narcissism, the desire to control, jealousy, and general immaturity.
In this article, we will:
- Determine what the number one main reason your partner ruins every special occasion in your life is;
- Go through the common ways in which he destroys special events;
- Explain in more detail what is hidden behind his need;
- Give you the right set of tips to deal with that situation.
That is more than enough reason to keep on reading.
What is The Main Reason Your Partner Ruins Every Special Occasion For You?
You do not understand what is hidden behind that ugly habit of your partner to ruin every important day for you and others.
If you think about it, envy and jealousy can be behind it. Your partner just can’t be happy about other people’s success, including you.
Also lack of empathy and emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence refers to a person’s ability to understand and manage their own emotions, as well as the feelings of others.
You also sometimes wonder if your partner may be so immature that he acts like a spoiled brat when he should be there for you.
All these reasons can be summed up in one: Your partner is a narcissist.
All of these that we have mentioned are common characteristics of narcissists. They always prioritize their needs before the needs of others, their image is important to them, and they don’t think about how their actions affect others. Not to mention the fact that it hurts them when they are not in the spotlight.
6 Ways Your Partner Is Ruining Important Dates For You
An important day has come for you. Let’s say it’s your birthday or you’re getting a promotion at work that you’ve been waiting for a long time.
You deserve to be the center of attention that day, or at least not to be ruined, right? No, according to your partner.
He will try all possible methods to divert attention from you, and he will try to focus it on him. That is the main form of narcissism.
We know there are a lot of options in his arsenal for destroying special occasions, but we’ll list the most common ones:
1. Your Partner Doesn’t Show Up on Special Dates
An important day has come in your education or career, and everyone is there to support you, but he is nowhere to be found.
Your partner has decided to go completely MIA when you need him.
Come to think of it, he has this habit of disappearing just when he needs to go to some celebration that won’t revolve around him.
Your partner also avoids hanging out with friends when he knows that they will tell him some important news related to them.
No one wants a narcissist as a friend, so it is clear why your partner has lost all of his friends.
2. He Gives You The Silent Treatment
Your partner has decided to show up, but he’s not exactly thrilled.
Of course, he doesn’t have to jump with excitement, but he doesn’t have to be quiet like a spoiled child when he gets angry.
He doesn’t even have to say anything, but his negativity is in the air.
Instead of focusing on your important day, you’re trying to figure out why he’s acting like a cold fish.
3. Your Partner Creates Drama
Your partner has mastered starting drama, which annoys you the most about your partner regarding special occasions.
How does the narcissist initiate drama? By trying in every way to draw attention to himself, he can do various things. He doesn’t hesitate to do some embarrassing things, whatever it takes to be at the center of attention.
This means getting drunk enough to ruin everyone’s evening, saying something that can hurt others, and making stupid jokes at other people’s expense. A complete mess of rude behavior.
He has no problem starting arguments with you in front of everyone or even trying to humiliate you in a sneaky way to diminish your value.
If the situation is more serious, he may go into full-mode rage tantrums. Do you know when toddlers throw tantrums? This is normal, considering their age, but an adult can also do it.
That narcissistic rage tantrum can appear out of nowhere, make an unnecessary scene, and shock everyone. Of course, ruin the fun for everyone, especially you.
4. Your Partner Plays The Victim
We always want to focus on happy moments and stay positive on special days. That is very difficult with your partner, who decides to fall into his victim role.
We don’t want to minimize his problems if he really has them, but the whole world’s weight falls on him on that day.
His negativity, bad mood, and nervousness completely destroy your vibe around special days. You even feel exhausted at the end of that day.
5. Your Partner Ruins Special Occasions Through Gifts
Ah, gifts, what can go wrong with your partner. Well, a lot of things.
Gifts are meaningful because they allow people to express their feelings, build and strengthen relationships, and celebrate special moments. Your partner manages to do the opposite.
How your partner ruins special days through gifts:
- He entirely forgets to give you a gift for an important day, for example, Valentine’s Day;
- He complains about the gift you gave him;
- He gives you a useless and insignificant gift that makes it clear that he didn’t put much thought into choosing the gift;
- He compares gifts and says your gift is nothing compared to his;
- He gives you a gift just so you can “owe” him.
Why Do Narcissists Ruin Special Occasions? 2 Major Reasons
We understand that your narcissistic partner wants to be the center of attention and take the focus off you. But what lies deeper behind that need?
We can single out two major reasons:
1. Your Partner is Afraid of Losing Control Over You
You progress through life, your career grows, and you get recognized for it. Your partner finds it difficult instead of being happy for you.
He’s afraid you’ll outgrow and leave him because you’re doing well in your career.
Your partner wants you to think he’s better than you, so he can have more control in the relationship.
All those new possibilities open up before you scare him because you might realize that he is holding you back from reaching your goals.
2. Your Partner is Jealous and Envious
Are there more toxic emotions than jealousy and envy? You have felt them on your skin from a close person, and you know how they hurt.
Have you heard the term green-eyed person?
Such a person is jealous of other people’s happiness and looks down on other people’s successes instead of focusing on his own life and what he can change.
But it’s easier to stay miserable and try to make other people miserable because misery loves company.
How to Deal With Narcissistic Partner Ruining Every Special Occasion? 4 Steps
Obviously, you want to avoid every important day being ruined by your partner. Here’s what you need to do:
1. Plan Ahead
You don’t want to stress too much about your narcissistic partner, but sometimes it’s better to plan ahead.
That way, you’ll at least try to avoid his drama.
If you don’t want him to ruin your big day, avoid things that can trigger him. Just remember that it’s not a long-term solution to the problem.
2. Don’t Depend on Him
If he has already disappointed you many times on essential days, don’t expect the opposite even now.
In particular, do not rely on your partner regarding organizing celebrations for friends and family, buying Christmas presents, planning annual vacations, etc.
3. Set Boundaries
Make it clear to him that some days are important to you and that he must respect that.
It is absolutely possible to set boundaries in a relationship without being controlling.
You only demand decent behavior and support from him, and you deserve to get that.
4. Reevaluate Your Relationship
If your partner does not support you and is not there for you on important days, it is evident that there is a problem in your relationship.
When you think about it, he has completely stopped giving you gifts.
Of course, it’s not all about gifts. It’s about whether you want to be with someone who can’t be happy on the days that matter to you and who can’t put their narcissism aside and be there for you.
What Really Matters is,
Special occasions are, just as their name suggests, special.
In the sea of random days of life, we also have special ones that mean a lot to us.
They represent a time of celebration, joy, and positive energy, when we need to be there for others and they for ourselves.
Don’t let your important day fails because of your partner. It’s essential to take action and prevent new disappointment.