Every day the same scenario: Your husband comes home from work like a hero, and he expects the house to be clean, lunch ready, and the children’s homework done.
As soon as he starts his day, he focuses solely on his job and doesn’t assist with any household tasks. You are left with the responsibility of taking care of everything else.
How much does this frustrate you on a scale of 1 to 10? 11!
Why does your husband think that his only obligation is his job, and he expects everything else from you? There could be a few reasons for this behavior. He may have been raised that way, doesn’t respect your work around the house, or tends to workaholism. Alternatively, he could simply be lazy.
We will tell you right away that this is not a naive situation because the unequal distribution of household duties between spouses is only the tip of an iceberg of problems in marriage.
Underneath that can be hidden disrespect, misunderstanding, resentment, and many other things you do not want in your marriage because they can lead to divorce.
This article highlights why it is important for husbands to share household responsibilities and not treat their homes like hotels where they are mere guests. This will be interesting, be sure to read the article to the end.
Why Does Your Husband Think His Only Obligation Is His Job? 4 Reasons
Your husband comes home from work, and his fun begins because he has completed all his obligations and can now relax.
On the other hand, your chores are never-ending. There is always a basket full of laundry, a sink full of dishes, and a garbage can threatening to swallow you all, not to mention the kids who have made a mess of the whole house.
Your husband expects you to deal with everything while he relaxes and rests. What is the reason for his behavior like this:
1. Your Husband Is a Supporter of Traditional Gender Roles
You know those old black-and-white movies or TV commercials from the beginning of the industrial revolution that is usually like this: The husband comes home from work and says, “Honey, I’m home!” The wife meets him in a dress, dinner is ready, the house is tidy, and the children are happy and content. And all this is accompanied by relaxing old-school smooth jazz music in the background.
For your traditionally raised husband, this is perfection. Your husband might have grown up in an environment where the household duties and responsibilities are primarily a woman’s chores.
We have nothing against tradition, but times are changing, and so should we.
It could have been like this before, or this is just a fairy tale of a perfect life that marketing experts tried to trick us into, but it’s not like this in reality.
You meet your husband angry and nervous, the lunch is burnt, the house is a mess, and the children don’t want to do their homework.
2. Your Husband Is a Workaholic
It’s important to note that not everyone despises their job; some genuinely enjoy it, and your husband falls under that category.
We’re not saying it’s terrible to be a workaholic, it’s great when someone loves their job, and it’s even better if they earn good money. If one’s passion for work becomes too much to handle for oneself or those around them, it can lead to complications.
If your husband spends most of his time at work, constantly talks about work, and is distracted and absent at home even when he is present, you are dealing with a workaholic.
Such a husband will certainly not be interested in household duties because all he thinks about is his work.
We must also consider that your husband’s work might be demanding, leaving him physically and mentally drained. That’s why he’s always too tired when he comes home from work. As a result, he may struggle to find the energy or motivation to help with household responsibilities.
3. Your Husband Doesn’t Respect Your Effort
Here we come to the question of potential selfishness, narcissism, and disrespect from your husband.
If you ask him, he is a real hero in the family. He goes to work every day, works a lot, and you sit at home and do household chores; it’s easy for you.
Your husband believes completing all the household tasks is easy and goes as far as criticizing and pointing out flaws in your domestic work.
He especially loves commenting on your cooking and telling you how you could have prepared it better. Why doesn’t he make dinner sometime? He does not know? Well, you didn’t know either, so you learned.
Or he constantly blames you for not doing enough around the house, and the house could be tidier. The vacuum cleaner is at his disposal. He can use it freely.
And it especially annoys you that he doesn’t help you enough with the children. How much should a husband help a stay-at-home mother? The answer to that question is as much as it takes! Even more than that! That’s normal instead of arguing with you because of your child’s behavior.
4. Your Husband is Simply Lazy
You wonder how this is possible. Your husband used to help you with everything in the house, and it was much easier for you then. You even had free time.
Things changed, mainly your husband. Unfortunately, he fell into the stereotype that men change in marriage.
Now he’s like some lazy walrus who can’t wait to curl up on the couch after work and play video games all day. Yes, he’s gained a few extra pounds but he doesn’t seem to care.
He always has an excuse for everything you ask him to do. You need help with cleaning the house, he will complain that he is too tired from work or has a headache, just to avoid it.
Some jobs have always been his responsibility, such as mowing the lawn. You must remind him many times to get him to mow the lawn. Otherwise, your yard would be like a tropical forest.
How to Explain to Your Husband That You Need Help at Home?
You’ve had enough, and we understand entirely. It’s unfair that all household duties fall on you because your husband goes to work and you don’t.
We must not forget the possibility of where you both work, but your husband still expects you to start another full-time job after your work, which is household duties. This is even more selfish on your husband’s part.
How to change this:
1. Initiate an Open and Honest Conversation
We know you want to argue with your husband because he doesn’t help you with the housework. Arguments on this topic are probably not rare in your home.
However, try to avoid blaming or accusing language and focus on expressing how his lack of involvement affects you.
Try to understand his side as well, no matter how much it seems to you that there is no excuse for his behavior.
The work may have exhausted him so much that he has no energy for anything after it. Don’t forget that stress and mental illnesses can often cause excessive laziness.
2. Explain to Your Husband How You Feel
Of course, you feel disrespected and neglected by your husband, for whom the only responsibility is his work, and he expects you to do everything else.
In addition to being time-consuming, housework can also make you extremely exhausted.
Raising children can be mentally exhausting, which should not be overlooked. It is reasonable for you to expect your husband to be involved in making important decisions regarding your children rather than leaving it all up to you.
Let’s not forget your wishes and goals. Your husband is doing his job, but what about your dreams? You may also like to work on achieving them, but you can’t because the burden of maintaining the whole household has entirely fallen on you.
3. Share Chores Equally
Clearly communicate your expectations regarding household responsibilities. Discuss the chores that need to be done and how to divide them more equally.
It is possible to divide household duties according to the schedule of both partners so that both are equally involved and neither feels like they are doing more.
If your husband doesn’t know how to do something, teach him instead of criticizing him. It’s not rocket science to wash the dishes, vacuum the house, or prepare a simple dinner.
In this way, you will set a good example for your children, and they will learn to get involved in household chores.
Finally – Is it Normal That Your Husband Only Focuses on His Job, While You Handle Everything Else?
No, it’s not normal, and it’s not fair that you do all the housework alone while your husband is focused only on his work.
Every family certainly has a different dynamic, but you are clearly bothered by your husband’s behavior.
Marriage is, first and foremost, a partnership, meaning you need to be together in everything.
Don’t let this unequal attitude towards household duties become regular in your marriage.
Use the ideas presented in this text to establish a healthier balance in your marriage, and allow yourself to unwind, decompress, and pursue activities you previously didn’t have time for.