You have just been blessed with a baby, and after the exhausting labor and all the things women go through to give birth, your husband behaves like taking care of the baby is easy.
It is normal to feel disappointed, betrayed, alone, angry, sad, or all of this at the same time when your husband is being so insensitive.
Unfortunately, this attitude toward caring for the baby is common among men.
They take it for granted that, as a woman, you are obliged to carry all the weight of the responsibilities for your child.
They fail to see that leaving you all alone in this sensitive period deprives their child of having a father.
In this article, you will find out why your husband thinks taking care of the baby is easy and how to change his perception and ultimately improve the quality of your relationship.
Why Your Husband Thinks Taking Care of the Baby is Easy? 4 Crucial Reasons
We have come a long way regarding women’s rights. However, there are still many misconceptions about female roles in the family and society that we have to stand up to.
Such is the widely spread misconception that the mere fact that women give birth means they know all about taking care of the baby and find it easy.
Let us briefly remind you of all the typical reasons why your husband thinks taking care of the baby is easy and encourage you to stand up and assert yourself whenever you feel your boundaries have been jeopardized or when you feel you are not getting the support you need.
1. Patriarchal Inheritance
Suppose your husband was raised in a patriarchal family where women assumed traditional female roles without ever raising their voices.
In that case, he might have never stopped to think about how his mother, sister, or other female relatives felt in such a family.
He may find you winy and accuse you of being weak, while the sad reality is he hasn’t got a clue how to act as a grown-up.
He expects you to be a mother to both your child and him simultaneously. This kind of husband may even be jealous of the baby.
2. He Is Overwhelmed
The fact is that the most challenging and most important work around the baby lies on the mother, whether she likes it or not.
When a man sees how hard that actually is, he may feel inadequate.
He consoles himself in that situation by saying that since it is natural for the mother to take care of the baby, it must also be easy for her.
That’s just an immature reaction to stress and in no way means you should tolerate it.
3. He Compares You to Other Women
Man who become fathers for the first time often compares their experience with the experience of their friends.
He may talk with his best man, brother, or best friends and take their advice instead of asking you what you need and how you feel.
If his friend’s wife seems to be doing quite well and easy with her baby, he may expect the same of you. He doesn’t know that women don’t always share their experiences honestly.
4. Baby Prefers Mom
Although it may appear that children prefer to be with their mothers, men are just as important and loved as mothers.
Dad may choose not to interact with the kid if it appears that the child “likes mom more” to spare himself the rejection or unpleasantness of making an intrusive presence known.
He is afraid he will think he dislikes being a dad because the baby prefers the mother.
5 Steps to Take if Your Husband Doesn’t Help You with the Baby
Raising a child should never be the responsibility of only one parent. You should know that you have every right to demand that your husband participate at least as much as you do.
Not only do you need his help, but the baby’s mental, emotional, and even physical health and development largely depend on the father.
Your husband should not HELP you with kids. Your husband is the parent of your kids just as you are, and he must take care of them just as much as you. There is really no other angle to this.
Baby needs both parents to grow up happy and healthy. If your husband doesn’t see the situation in such a way, let’s see what you can do to change that.
1. Talk With Your Husband About The Problem
It is simple to believe that your husband’s lack of assistance with child care is due to his disinterest in dealing with the situation.
Have you ever considered why, if your infant is involved, he avoids doing anything at home?
Is it possible that you belittle every effort he makes to assist with the kids? Or do you give the impression that you are self-sufficient and don’t want his assistance?
He may stop trying to do the housekeeping if you have been unconsciously criticizing him for it, leaving you to handle things as you see fit.
Your husband may also be trusting you enough to be the sort of parent and home guardian your family needs if you have been projecting the impression that everything is under control.
Clearing the air with him may inspire him to be more helpful instead of the usual lazy and unmotivated.
2. Explain to Him Exactly How to Help and What You Expect of Him
Be specific about what you need from your partner so that he knows what to do for you if he isn’t helping much with the kids or domestic duties.
Just keep in mind that relationships have roles that will assist both parties in understanding what to do and when.
Sit down and establish your position in the relationship with your man if you haven’t done so already.
Talk about how to flexibly reset those roles so both of you can commit to them.
Miracles are possible if chores are equally distributed between the two of you.
3. Encourage the Husband to Bond with the Baby
This might first seem like a lot to ask, especially for fathers of nursing infants.
When it comes to raising an infant, there is a lot of labor to be done and little payoff.
It might be motivating to encourage your spouse to participate and acknowledge their efforts.
Changing, calming, rocking, reading, or taking a stroll with the baby are excellent ways for parents to share the load and strengthen their relationship.
4. Limit Your Workload
Due to efficiency or meticulous standards, mothers may need help to hand over control of some daily tasks.
But allowing your partner to assist (even if something isn’t done perfectly) will help them learn and anticipate some duties, easing some burdens and encouraging a more active role at home.
No one is perfect, but the will and desire to help are essential.
So don’t immediately get angry with your husband if he doesn’t change the baby’s diaper perfectly.
5. Leave Him Alone With The Baby For a Day
If he doesn’t accept your explanations and requests help, he may learn new things only through personal experience.
In that case, you should set aside one day a week, preferably the weekend, to prepare milk for the baby if needed.
Leave written instructions for your husband on how to feed the baby and leave.
If your conscience bothers you that you will harm the baby this way, forget about it. You can’t hurt a baby by leaving it with its father.
It is not only good for you but also good for the baby.
If your husband, after spending a whole day with the baby, still claims that taking care of the baby is easy, then maybe he was made for it.
That is a clear sign that he is ready to take care of the baby more and that it is time to make it easier for you.
Final Thoughts
Even though it may be annoying, you can’t make someone change. You can’t force your husband to change if he doesn’t want to.
You are ultimately alone responsible for your relationship with your children.
Yes, you could desire a decent father figure for your children. You may want your children to have a strong bond with their father.
You can only advise him to do these things; the rest is up to him.
Don’t give up quickly at the first signs that he’s not doing well with the baby.
Give him guidance and help.
Maybe he can be a super dad; you need to unlock that in him first.
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