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My Husband Complains About Me to His Mother: What Should I Do?

In marriage, all problems should be solved between the spouses without the interference of other persons, even if they are family members.

Any interference from people from outside can only complicate things, create arguments and break the trust between spouses.

But you know all that. The problem is your husband, who has to tell his mother everything about what is happening in your marriage and criticize you along with her.

Why is your husband complaining about you to his mother? Because he is immature and irresponsible, he doesn’t respect you enough, but above all, he hasn’t learned some fundamental rules in marriage.

Husband and mother in law

A grown married man criticizes his wife behind her back with his mother, who defends him by default. We are sure you never imagined your marriage would turn out like this.

Because without addressing this problem, your marriage may fall into a massive crisis and may even lead to the end of the marriage.

That is why we will better explain your husband’s and his mother’s behavior and give you practical advice on dealing with this situation.

Why Is Your Husband Complaining About You To His Mother? 5 Probable Reasons

Does your husband have to see or hear from his mother every day? Does he have to tell her everything first and then you? Is he still financially dependent on her? We have a newsflash for you: you are married to MOMMA’S BOY.

Your husband is too attached to his mother, and that will significantly influence him to complain about you to her. What are the more profound reasons for this behavior:

1. He Is Immature

You may have a case of a manchild.

Is your husband still a boy in a grown man’s body? Weirdly, you didn’t notice that while you were dating. Maybe you did, but you thought he would get serious in marriage. But he didn’t.

It may be Peter Pan Syndrome, associated with adults who do not want to grow up just like Peter Pan.

You don’t mind that your husband still likes video games and watches movies from childhood. That’s not a problem.

The problem is that he prefers to get lost in his world, where he feels safe, while he expects you to take on the role of his mother now.

Of course, you don’t want to be your husband’s mother, so you argue, and then he runs to his mommy to complain about how you’re distracting him from playing video games all day.

2. He Doesn’t Understand Privacy

It seems you were “lucky” to marry a husband who is not used to keeping things private.

If he comes from a family where privacy is not valued enough, don’t be surprised by this.

This concept is probably strange to you, but some families have that dynamic. Your husband is used to talking about everything with his mother.

However, some things in marriage should remain between spouses only, but your husband needs to understand that.

Your husband talking badly about you in front of his family is unacceptable.

3. He Wants Emotional Support

Logically, children feel safest with their parents.

However, your husband is married and now has a new family with you. That’s where his emotional security should be.

He shouldn’t neglect his parents, but it doesn’t make sense that your husband runs to his mother to complain after every argument with you.

You have already noticed the pattern of his behavior. When the two of you argue, he makes up some stupid excuse that he must go to his parents for the weekend.

Your husband needs to feel important, respected, secure, and included, and who better to give him that than his mother?

He goes there because he feels safe there and knows that for his mother, her child is always right, and he wants to hear that.

4. He Constantly Finds Flaws in You

In addition to loving to find fault with you and being constantly unhappy about you, your husband has to share all of this with his mother.

And what are those “flaws”?

He probably hates your cooking because “no one cooks as good as his mother.” It always has to be what he wants for lunch because that’s what he’s used to with his mother.

Let’s not even start with housework. The worst thing is that your husband complains that you don’t do enough around the house while he is doing nothing. 

If you didn’t remind him, he would never do anything. But that’s how he was used to with his mother. He never did any housework because it was “women’s work.”

It is even worse if he tells his mother about disagreements you two have in marriage, which are not to be shared with anyone. For example, if you have different views on having children, the place where you plan to live, and so on.

Of course, his mother always takes your husband’s side, especially if she doesn’t like you too much. She will probably criticize you openly because of these things.

5. He Is Still Financially Dependent On His Mother

Men still financially dependent on their parents are highly attractive. They give the impression of mature and responsible adults who know how to care for themselves. Of course, none of this is true.

We are not saying that parents should not help their children in every way, even financially if necessary. Still, here we are talking about complete financial dependence on the parent.

Everyone can fall into rough financial times, but what matters is the desire to get out of it.

Tell that to your husband, who is used to his mother financing him and him not having any work experience. He doesn’t need to work when he already has money; that’s his logic.

Your mother-in-law did a great job preparing her son for life by spoiling him and not teaching him about essential work habits.

We don’t know how you thought the marriage would work with that approach, but you noticed that he feels like he owes his mother, so he tells her everything.

If she is the controlling parent, your mother-in-law feels she has the right to interfere in your marriage and decisions because she gives money to her son.

How Do You Get Your Husband to Stop Complaining About You to His Mother?

This situation is not harmless and can bring a lot of turmoil in the relationship between you and your husband, and something may already be happening. It can be:

  • Loss of mutual respect
  • Lack of a safe place
  • A feeling of betrayal
  • Resentment
  • Separation or divorce

Therefore, you must take action to prevent all this from happening. Here’s what you need to do:

1. Have a Serious Talk With Your Husband

It’s time for that profound conversation to happen finally.

But please try not to turn that conversation into an argument.

Tell your husband how you feel about him complaining about you to his mother. And how do you feel? You feel disrespected and betrayed, and you don’t trust your husband.

He must understand and appreciate your emotions for progress to occur.

Work on improving your communication skills to address any issues directly with your partner in your marriage.

If you need additional tips on improving conversation in marriage, check out this article.

2. Set Boundaries

Boundaries are definitely urgently needed in your marriage.

First of all, the boundaries that your husband must understand.

Your marriage is your business; no interference from his mother is allowed.

Let your husband know that it’s not acceptable to share negative information about your relationship with others, especially family members.

He must first consult you if he wants to tell her something more private about your marriage. This approach is necessary if you want to maintain privacy.

And what about boundaries with your mother-in-law?

She also needs boundaries if she uses all that to interfere in your marriage.

narcissistic mother-in-law who does not respect boundaries is a massive threat to your marriage.

Your mother-in-law has no right to criticize you just because she does not agree with some issues in your relationship with her son.

It’s time for her to learn to let her son solve his own problems.

3. Seek Marriage Counseling

If you’re having trouble communicating or resolving conflicts in your marriage, consider seeking the help of a therapist or counselor.

Sometimes it is good to involve a third party in your marital problems. But that third party must be neutral and, above all, professional and educated for it.

Your husband is already used to criticizing you in front of others. This may not be so hard for him.

To Conclude – Keep Your Marriage Private and Respectful

Whatever happens in your marriage, there is no excuse for your husband to criticize you with his mother. He should completely avoid such a gossiping attitude, especially when he talks about you.

Instead, help him understand the negative impact on your marriage. Work together to make the marriage a secure place within which problems can be solved without the interference of other people.

A private life is a happy life, after all.

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