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I Don’t Know How to Talk to My Wife – 10 Communication Tips

You’ve probably heard that too many times that healthy communication in marriage is one of the essential pillars of a successful relationship.

And that is true; a relationship without communication is just two people.

Being able to say what’s on your mind without arguing and with mutual understanding is extremely important in a marriage.

But you feel your marriage lacks healthy conversations and wonder what to do.

To improve the conversation in marriage, you need to show understanding, empathy, respect, and interest and counter problems with solutions instead of pushing them under the rug.

married couple smiling

We are not saying that only you are the communication problem in marriage. 

Maybe your wife is also restraining quality conversation in your marriage.

But since you’re wondering how to improve conversational skills, we’re writing from your perspective, but both partners can apply these tips.

We have prepared many tips on improving the conversation in your marriage, so let’s get started.

10 Most Effective Tips to Improve Conversation in Marriage

Lack of quality communication in marriage is one of the main reasons why marriages don’t last.

What is the reason why you want to improve communication skills in marriage?

Whether it’s reducing arguments, increasing understanding, or strengthening the bond in your marriage, these tips can help you do that.

So the best tips to improve the conversation in marriage are:

1. Show Empathy

Empathy is a key virtue in every relationship.

Developing the skill to put yourself in your partner’s shoes is necessary for better understanding.

That way, you won’t hurt your wife’s feelings and make her feel bad. 

You won’t tell her that she’s not doing enough around the house if you don’t ask yourself first if something is bothering her.

Also, if you have empathy, you will certainly not force her to go to work if she already has too many responsibilities around the house and children.

2. Don’t Attack

There is a saying that offense is the best defense.

It may work in sports, but not in marriage.

Arguing, yelling, and insulting are instruments of frustration, not communication.

We are sure that in that mood, some harsh words can be said on both sides.

Before you attack your wife and start a heated argument, stop and think.

Take deep breaths and think if such fights ever helped you.

We know they are not, so it is better to avoid them.

Let the storm pass.

In the heat of the moment, we often do not think clearly, so it is better to leave the conversation for the next day.

But this does not mean that the problem should be ignored, but just left for the next day when you think more clearly.

3. Be Patient

We don’t just mean when you wait for your wife while she’s shopping and you don’t complain.

We think of the enormous patience in marriage when you allow your wife to do something and you believe in her.

Love is patient.

Let her speak her mind in the conversation instead of being unable to get a word in from you.

Maybe she is going through a phase and doesn’t know what she wants

It’s up to you not to judge her and be her support.

Don’t rush her into making decisions if she’s not sure.

4. Don’t Allow Yourself to Be Distracted 

It’s straightforward to get distracted in a conversation today.

On the one hand, we understand that because there are too many responsibilities, we live busy lives and are overwhelmed with information and notifications from all devices.

Do you have that ugly habit of looking at your phone when you talk to someone? In this case, your wife?

You’re probably just saying, “Yes, yes, I understand you,” and you didn’t even listen to her.

The phone can be set to silent mode, notifications can be turned off, the laptop can be put to sleep mode, and Netflix can be paused.

And for all that, at least 30 minutes a day is enough in which you will give your wife your full attention, listen to her carefully, and actively participate in the conversation.

The best gift you can give your wife is your undivided attention, so do it.

5. Don’t Play Mind Games

This is self-explanatory, just don’t.

By mind games in a relationship, we mean a wide range of behaviors that aim to manipulate your partner in your favor.

Playing the victim game, ghosting, and guilt-tripping are all strategies that are not good for your marriage.

And, of course, lying, even when you don’t say something, can have the same effect as directly lying.

Also, avoid a passive-aggressive tone.

You may not notice it, but your passive aggression can hurt your partner.

An example of this is making inappropriate jokes about your wife struggling with a few extra pounds.

6. Focus on The Solution Instead of a Problem

Stay solution-oriented instead of dwelling on a problem without trying to fix it.

Have that attitude towards every marital problem, no matter how big.

Don’t let little things ruin a relationship by constantly dwelling on them, but don’t let big problems be under the rug.

For example, your wife spent too much money last year on Christmas presents.

Now that Christmas is approaching, there is room for argument about this year’s Christmas shopping.

So instead of arguing with your wife, tell her this before Christmas shopping: “I like to make sure we don’t overspend on gifts this year, so let’s set a budget for gifts and stick to it.”

You should also maintain the same approach when it comes to more significant problems. 

If, for example, your wife drinks a bottle of wine a day.

Instead of yelling at her, insulting her, and constantly bringing up her problem, offer her healthy alternatives and help her overcome her situation.

7. Help Your Wife With Household Chores

Now, what does this have to do with communication?

It certainly has something to do with it because we know what arguments are possible around housework.

We’ll assume you’re not someone who doesn’t want to work and doesn’t have a job.

You do your job hard and honestly, and that’s absolutely fine.

But you use that as an excuse that you don’t have to do anything around the house.

Everyone who lives in the house must have their fair share of household chores.

Even if you are too tired from work, there is at least something small that would mean to her if you help her.

How many times has she just told you she needs help, and you’ve ignored it?

So don’t be surprised that she doesn’t tell you anything now and doesn’t respect what you tell her.

8. Don’t Exaggerate

Don’t make problems bigger than they are.

Sometimes you know how to get so frustrated about something that it seems like the heaviest thing in the world at that moment.

Then you probably say some hyperbolic and exaggerated things to your wife.

Those words usually don’t make sense and can also hurt her and do not contribute to any solution to the problem.

Sentences that begin with: “You never…” are especially harmful and make no sense.

Here are some examples:

“You never do laundry” – we know this is not true. Better than this would be, “I wish you would do laundry more often.”

“You never take the child outside to play” – this can hurt your wife as a parent. Instead, say, “Our kid would certainly like it if we spent more time outside.”

9. Don’t Become an “I Don’t Care” Person

Your wife asks you what you want for dinner, and you say, “I don’t care.”

Then she asks you if you want to go out or watch a movie at home, and your answer is “Whatever.”

We are already bored by the thought of this kind of person.

Just imagine what it is like for your wife.

Answers like these are conversation killers, and it’s no wonder your wife stops asking you something when she already knows what the answer will be.

10. Respect Your Wife’s Opinion

Being married doesn’t mean you always have to think the same way about everything and agree on every topic.

There shouldn’t be mutual understanding and respect between your views.

Don’t interrupt your wife when she’s talking just so you can counter her with opposing views.

Instead, listen, respect her opinion, and politely say yours.

It is the basis of any conversation in general.

In Summary – Communication is The Lifeline of any Relationship

“Communication to a relationship is like oxygen to life. Without it… it dies”

— Tony Gaskins

We hope that in this article, we helped you understand how important communication is in marriage and gave you suggestions for improving it.

Remember that you always have something to talk about with your wife.

Even when you don’t have an incredibly complex topic, always ask your wife how her day was.

That question alone opens up space for a quality conversation.

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