Buying a house is a huge step for a family. If your husband doesn’t want to buy a house, it may indicate a plethora of things, from financial to attachment issues. From the start, the most important thing is to define what motivates him to refuse to buy a house.
Starting a family is largely about finding a place where your family can grow in every sense.
A palace where you will feel secure and at ease, where you can picture yourself enjoying beautiful moments of closeness and joy with your loved ones.
If you have a chronic dispute with your husband about finding the perfect place for your family or a dilemma between an apartment and a house, stay tuned.
In this article, you will find all the most common reasons that make your husband not want to buy a house, as well as suggestions on how to confront each of these reasons and get your dream house.
6 Reasons Why Your Husband Doesn’t Want to Buy a House
Understanding why your husband resists the idea of buying a house is the key to influencing his attitude.
Some reasons may seem rational, and some may really be rational. Still, more often than not, these reasons are motivated by irrational fears.
1. Financial Issues
If you are both employed and have regular monthly incomes, which you are satisfied with, and generally don’t struggle financially, buying a house should not be such a huge challenge.
But different persons have different views on financial stability, and your husband may find it unbearable to commit to paying a house loan in monthly installments.
Our views on financial stability are hugely influenced by the financial circumstances we grew up in.
Suppose he was raised in poverty, or his childhood was hugely influenced by his parents’ financial ups and downs.
In that case, he may be very reluctant to take any kind of financial risk. And he can only perceive a house loan as a huge risk.
2. Fear of Change
There are some traits that we are born with and that we can only moderately change over time.
Such is the attitude towards change.
You have probably noticed how some children on the playground or at the park enthusiastically jump to start new things while others find it hard to adjust to even the smallest change in their surroundings.
Suppose your husband is one of those people who find any change frightful.
In that case, it is probably challenging for you to get him to try anything new, let alone buy a house and completely change his circumstances.
It shouldn’t surprise you that he resists the idea of buying a house. Your husband needs some extra time just to accept the idea, get used to it, to be able to even consider it for real.
He may also be reluctant to buy a house because he wants you to stay with his parents.
3. He Prefers Apartments to Houses
Often people who grew up in houses prefer apartments and vice versa. Depending on your priorities, living in an apartment may hold more benefits than living in a house.
Suppose this conflict between you only reflects your personal tastes and preferences.
In that case, you will both need to understand each other well and take each other’s arguments seriously.
Marriage is, among other things, a compromise between two different lifestyles.
What’s important is that both of you agree on the kind of future you wish for your family.
For example, if you want kids, a house surrounded by nature may be a better solution than an apartment.
On the other hand, if you love your job and plan to stay committed to your career as your top priority, an apartment in the city center may fit better with your lifestyle.
If you want to live in different places, you will need to define what are your mutual priorities regarding your relationship before making any further steps.
4. He Is Not Sure About His Future with You
Suppose you have been having a lot of conflicts recently, or some circumstances have hugely changed your relationship.
In that case, his refusal to consider buying a house may reflect the distance he feels towards you.
It may sound like a stereotype, but men still often find it hard to verbalize their emotions, so he may not have been able to inform you how he perceives your relationship at the moment.
If you have grown apart due to your new job, your husband may secretly start to question his whole future with you because he feels neglected.
Men often display their emotions through actions rather than words, so his disapproval of the idea of buying a house may be his way of punishing you for not being there for him.
Bear in mind that he may honestly feel uncertain about your relationship even though you haven’t done anything that directly disrupts it.
5. He Moves a Lot Due to His Job
It is great when you have a career that you love, and some careers may require frequent changes in places.
Maybe it is time for the two of you to settle. Maybe a house is a perfect solution for the family you both desire.
But if his job conflicts with it, and his job brings bread to the table, it makes sense that your husband doesn’t find this idea of buying a house tempting.
And you have to agree, if his job is what enables you both to live comfortably, it is not smart to compromise it.
6. He Actually Doesn’t Want Kids
Suppose it is that time in marriage when everyone around you expects you to have kids.
At the same time, you both enjoy your lifestyle without kids. In that case, your husband may relate the idea of having a house with having kids.
Houses are generally great for families with kids – that’s the stereotype.
And, even if you don’t want to have kids and haven’t even considered that idea or talked to him about it, he may interpret the idea of buying a house as a kind of pressure to start having kids.
3 Ways to Change Your Husband’s Mind
You will adjust your approach depending on the reason behind your husband’s resistance to the idea of buying a house.
Some tactics focus more on emotional reasons, while others underline the rational benefits.
You will surely be able to determine which one solves your problem most efficiently, and you always have the option to try all the tactics until you find the one that works for your husband.
1. Battle with Facts
Suppose your husband’s reasons for not wanting to buy a house are based on rational facts like lack of funds and financial uncertainty.
In that case, you first need to put all the numbers on paper and make all the necessary calculations until it becomes obvious how absurd his resistance is.
The world economic crisis can not be a personal reason. You need to have a backup plan whether you are buying a house or not.
Confront him with the worst-case scenario first, and then point out all the reasons why this scenario is actually the least likely to happen in your case.
2. Make Him Feel Safe
In case diverse emotional barriers are what stop him from seeing the big picture, you will need to address his emotional needs first.
What makes us feel safe is our relationship with the people we love and who love us, not where we live.
Don’t talk about how buying a house will completely change your love. Rather point out how everything will be the same. Your life will just be easier.
Show him pictures of houses you like without pressuring him into buying one. This way, he will adjust to the idea of buying a house and eventually stop resisting it.
3. Ask Him What He Wants
Make your husband feel like his needs and opinions are important to you because they are.
Talk to him about the future he has in mind for you as a couple. How do your lives look like in his imagined future?
Then tell him how you imagine your future together. Then, you can compare your visions and start to compromise.
If you are entirely confident that buying a house is the perfect solution for you as a family, then don’t let any unjustified reason stop you.
Talk with your husband tactfully, arm yourself with patience, and start looking for a perfect house.
Bear in mind that your marriage hugely depends on your ability to compromise.
Maybe he doesn’t like the idea of buying a house in a certain neighborhood but would like a house near his or your parents?
The more you talk with him about this, the more ideas will come to your mind, and the closest you will be to buying your dream house!