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My Husband and I Want to Live in Different Places – How To Compromise?

It means many beautiful things when you decide to share your life with someone.

But, it also means you’ll have to make many decisions that do not only concern your own interests but are for the better of the two of you as a couple.

The place where you live hugely affects the quality of your life.

If you and your husband have different ideas about where you should be living as a family, that can cause a major crisis in your marriage.

Young married couple arguing

If he loves nature and dreams of a house in the suburbs, and you love the urban atmosphere of the city center, it may be really hard to find a solution that will make both of you happy.

So, let’s see what you can do to overcome such an issue and find a place that can meet the vital needs of both of you. 

I Hate Where I Live, but My Spouse Loves It

If your husband really loves the place where you live, but you simply can’t stand the idea of living in that same place for years, the first step to comprehending your situation may be to analyze why he loves the place that you hate so much.

There are many scenarios why he may be so fond of your current location:

1. He finds it very practical, and his reasons are purely rational. His job is near, and all the infrastructure suits him, which makes his life much easier.

2. His reasons are completely irrational – he likes the place because he grew up there, knows the people, and all his friends are near.

3. He simply hates change. The idea of moving and going through so many adjustments is repulsive to him, and he tends to postpone even thinking about it. 

These three typical scenarios should give you an idea of what could be behind his affection for the place where you live.

Depending on what underlies his preference, you can devise tactics to influence his mind. 

But, before you devise any tactic, you have to clarify why you hate the place where you live.

It is important to let your husband understand that how you feel about the place you live affects your mood on a daily level and the quality of your life in general.

If he understands how deeply you are upset because the place you live doesn’t match your life expectations, he will be more willing to compromise with you. 

How to Make Your Husband Accept the Idea of Moving? 

Beautiful young couple enjoying time together

According to what we outlined above, you should devise your negotiation strategy based on his reasons for loving the place you live in. 

How to Talk to Your Husband if His Reasons are Rational?

If his reasons are strictly rational, you may propose living in a place that offers similar advantages – that is close to his job or has excellent commuting options so that he can still be strongly connected to the area.

There are surely many places that can offer him even better advantages, so make sure to find them and present them to him with all the benefits included.

Don’t forfeit to mention the biggest benefit – the happiness moving to the new place would bring you. 

How to Talk to Your Husband if His Reasons are Irrational? 

The negotiation may be more challenging if his reasons are irrational.

In this case, you must address the exact feeling that makes him stay so committed to the place where you live.

Usually, the reason behind such a strong, irrational attachment to a place is some event, memory, or the feeling of being at home.

Therefore, you need to explain to your husband that it’s time to make new memories and that home is where the people you love most are.

Staying faithful to the past usually means turning your head to the future, and that’s not good for any marriage.

Highlight those true friends stay in touch wherever they live, that you are not suggesting moving to another planet, but to another city or neighborhood, and that there’ll always be many ways to stay in touch with his past

How to Talk to Your Husband if He Hates Changes?

Stressed young married family couple arguing emotionally, blaming lecturing each other, sitting on couch

If your husband is not fond of change of any kind, your job is to make him understand that small changes occur every day.

Refusing to make one big change that will bring many benefits to both of you may pave the pathway to many not-so-pleasant small changes that will lower the quality of your lives in the long run.

Big companies, for instance, often employ change managers to help people adjust to new work procedures or any other change in work circumstances.

So, it is a wise idea to explore some tactics for handling employees who have trouble adjusting to innovations.

Change management is a relatively new area, but it already offers plenty of useful tools for handling changes, and you’ll surely find something useful for your situation. 

A Simple Trick to Make the Decision Easier 

To make the best decision that will be the least painful for both of you and offer the most advantages to your whole family, put your family priorities on one paper, and the advantages and disadvantages of the places you’d love to live in on the other.

Then compare these lists. You’ll be surprised at how much clarity this simple technique can add to your decision-making process. 

Wrapping It All Up 

There is no perfect answer to a dilemma like this – both of you will have to compromise in some way.

But, although compromise is not a very popular term, bear in mind that we, as humans, are destined to make all kinds of compromises throughout life.

No one, not even the luckiest, richest, or most privileged among us, can live a life without making a variety of compromises.

It is just that the compromises you had to make when you were single are different from the compromises you have to make when you are married.