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I Hate Where I Live and Feel Trapped: 4 Reasons

Modern gurus often tell us that we are responsible for everything in our lives. But is it really that simple? 

Suppose we live in an environment that discriminates against us because of our origin, skin color, choice of music, appearance, or talent.

Upset young girl sit alone at coffee table in café feeling lonely or offended

Is it useful to attribute all the responsibility to ourselves and not consider what our environment is really like?

Viktor Frankl once said, “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” But what if we like ourselves and do not feel the need to fit in to please others?

Living in a place and environment we hate affects every aspect of our lives. What should we do in this situation, and is there any solution at all?

But first, let’s understand the possible reasons why you hate where you live so much. 

Why Do I Hate Where I Live So Much?

young unhappy woman

We can influence many things in life, but our power is not unlimited. 

It is crucial to recognize what is up to us and what is not. What we can change and what we can’t. 

We can always change our perspective, but sometimes, changing the place of living may be better. 

Reason #1 – You Can’t Express Your Personality, Talents, and Aspirations Freely

If, for example, you live in a smaller city where archeologists are not especially needed and archeology is your passion, you may feel lost if you are surrounded by people whose professional choice follows a more common route. 

It may be hard to find like-minded people to connect with if there’s not much choice around you. 

If on top of feeling lonely, it is very unlikely to find a job with your professional education and capabilities, it makes a lot of sense to feel trapped. 

While you may adapt and learn to love any place, the question in cases like this is – is it worth it? 

Instead of pushing yourself to adapt, start exploring other possibilities. 

There must be someplace on earth where your skills are appreciated and where you can find friends who are more like you. 

If the place you live doesn’t allow you to be yourself in any way you need to, living there can make you depressed. 

Reason #2 – You Moved Only to Please Your Partner 

Successful young couple is moving to new nice place

When we are in love, we are often ready for anything. We make decisions without careful consideration and often make concessions to our partners that we would never otherwise make. 

It is not uncommon for people to move somewhere just for their partner, hoping they will get used to the new place over time. But when this does not happen over time, a problem arises. 

Dissatisfaction with the place of life can consequently affect the relationship as well, and it was precisely because of the relationship that you changed the place of life. 

If this is your scenario, explaining how you feel to your partner is important. In the long term, it is unsustainable for one partner to be chronically deeply dissatisfied. 

Perhaps it is possible to reach a compromise, that you will continue to travel to your city or possibly change your place of residence, find a location that you will both love. 

Certainly, the worst option is to do nothing and feel dissatisfied.

Reason #3 – Lack of Adaptivity 

Maybe the place where you live is not that bad. If you are missing friends and family, ask yourself if you really gave the place you live a chance. 

Friendship takes opportunity and time. If you’ve moved somewhere for work or family and you haven’t made any friends after a long time, it’s time to ask yourself if you even tried. 

Sometimes regret for old friends prevents us from opening up to new people.

If this is the case, don’t turn down colleagues when they invite you for drinks after work. 

If you’re in a new city because of your family, don’t avoid your neighbors. 

Don’t think too much about the impression you will make, get into communication and see where it takes you.

As long as your mind lives in the place you left, there is no chance of really adjusting to the new place.

Reason #4 – You See Consequences of Your Bad Experience Everywhere

Attractive Afro American woman sitting on bench outdoors in the park feeling dissapointed aftre conversation with friend

Sometimes a difficult and complicated breakup, the departure of a loved one, or some other traumatic experience is so strongly tied to a certain place that place becomes a source of fear and pain for us in itself. 

Although we know rationally that what happened to us has nothing to do with the place itself, we feel vulnerable as long as we are still there.

It is important to work through the traumatic experience in this case, but a change of place can also be healing. 

Sometimes it is enough to just go on a slightly longer vacation to distance ourselves from a certain experience to be ready to look at the place we live in in a different light.

What Should I Do If I Hate Where I Live?

If you hate the place you live in, the solution boils down to two options – either you will work on bringing yourself to the position that you can change the place of life, or you will adapt to where you live. 

If the reasons why you hate the place you live in have more to do with your personal experiences than with the objective flaws of the place, there is a danger that you will encounter the same problems wherever you move. 

If the reasons are the climate, work, lack of opportunities, and the mentality of the people around you, you should do your best to find a place where you will feel like you belong. 

Changing the place of life is not an unsolvable problem. It can be more or less challenging, but there is always a way. 

You only have one life. You shouldn’t let it pass you by being dissatisfied with your circumstances.