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My Parents are Controlling My Life at 30 – 4 Ways to Deal With Them

How did you imagine yourself as a thirty-year-old?

You probably imagined yourself as a strong and independent individual who does not answer to anyone and that you live the life you want.

The reality is entirely different, and your overcontrolling parents contributed to that.

Your parents control your life in your 30s because they are overcontrolling, narcissistic, and manipulative. 

They also don’t believe you can take care of yourself, but most importantly, they control you because you let them.

father and daughter talking

Therefore, you are in a very awkward situation.

Although you become an adult sooner, that 30th birthday is often considered the definitive end of youth and the beginning of adult life.

You don’t feel that way because your parents won’t let you.

Yes, you love your parents, but you also love yourself and want to live your life as you wish.

Is it possible to succeed in this mission and remain on good terms with your parents?

That is one of the topics of this article, but the most important topic is how to recognize overcontrolling parents and take your life back.

5 Signs of Controlling Parents in Adulthood

Overcontrolling parents is a common occurrence in childhood, which is not good and affects the child’s development.

But what if those toxic patterns continue when that child becomes an adult?

Here are clear signs that your parents are controlling your life in your thirties:

1. Your Parents Interfere in Your Life

Someone who is overcontrolling, like your parents, will interfere in other people’s lives.

They probably think your life is theirs because they are your parents.

It is clear that a child needs parental guidance while growing up, but it is crucial to allow the child to develop his own personality.

You are aware of all this, but you are 30 years old, and your parents still want to control you and succeed in it.

For them, there is no other people’s business, personal boundaries do not exist, and they are interested in everything you do.

Excessive control is often the result of fear.

They are still the same questions as when you were a teenager, “Where are you going out?”, “With whom?” “How long will you stay?”

They might even tell you when to come home.

They also want to influence every decision you want to make, no matter how big or small.

They often commented on what you should wear or whether you should eat at home or in a restaurant.

However, they also had very loud comments about what job you want because what you want is not good, and they think they know what is best for you.

It’s the same with your personal decisions, like when you’re going to get married or when you’re going to have children.

All this significantly affects your self-confidence and ability to make decisions.

2. Your Parents Are Narcissists

Anyone who has dealt with a narcissistic parent knows how demanding they can be.

Narcissists are selfish, and a parent must not be selfish. In fact, that role implies the opposite.

With narcissistic parents like this, you feel that they don’t even care about you.

It doesn’t mean they don’t care about you, but know that narcissists always put themselves first.

That’s why they are ready to trample your wishes to satisfy their own interests.

You notice that in your daily conversations with parents, when you tell them something important that happened to you, they always turn the flow of the conversation towards themselves.

3. Your Parents Make You Always Feel Guilty

Do your parents constantly make you feel like you owe them something?

They put that way of thinking into your mind.

Your parents always want to make you feel like you owe them something to keep you under control.

They certainly play the victim card, they present themselves as some great martyrs who did everything for you, and you are ungrateful.

Yes, you are ungrateful just because you want to live your life.

Each of their stories is about how they struggled a lot, and you have everything today, and you don’t know how to respect it.

Just imagine if you told them you wanted to move out, what a scene they would make.

They would make you the worst person in the world, the one who leaves his old parents and doesn’t take care of them.

4. Your Parents Don’t Think You’re Ready to Be Independent

“Some children are spoiled, and it is not their fault, it is their parents”

Roald Dahl

To your parents, you are still their baby.

They have always tried to pamper you and provide you with absolutely everything.

But they did not instill work habits and responsibility, which is much more important than expensive gifts.

We can assume that your parents did not prepare you enough for life.

They don’t have a problem with the fact that you’ve never had a steady job and that you still live the way you did when you were a teenager.

5. Nothing is Ever Good Enough For Your Parents

This is the characteristic of a perfectionist parent with high standards.

These parents always underestimate your achievements; nothing is ever good enough for them.

They’ve always been like that, even when you were a kid and had to participate in every math competition just so they could prove how they have an intelligent kid.

You may be too competitive today because of all that.

Even though you are a grown man, you still care too much about their opinion and want their praise.

They also think your significant other is not good enough for you, which hurts you tremendously.

How to Stop Parents From Interfering in Your Life? 4 Steps

No matter how much you love and respect your parents, you will never be independent if you do not show them that they need to stop interfering in your life.

Here’s how you’ll do it:

1. Try to Understand Your Parents

We don’t want to justify your overcontrolling parents.

Especially not if they are narcissists and manipulators.

But why are they like that?

We have certainly given you ideas for the reasons we have stated above.

Being too controlling may be due to some mistakes they made in the past.

And we know that parents like to correct their mistakes through their children.

Maybe you made some big mistake, and now your parents don’t trust you anymore.

In any case, it doesn’t mean that you don’t have the right to work on fixing it and that you now have to suffer the consequences of it forever.

2. Be as Financially Independent From Your Parents as Possible

Since you’re 30 years old, you’ve probably been working for a while.

Maybe you don’t have a job because you’re too lazy to work

The truth is that you’ll only get rid of parental control if you have your own money.

We know it is challenging to find a good job that pays well, but that is the reality.

Add to that the student debts that haunt many, and it is difficult for a young man today to be entirely financially independent.

Even if you already have a job, you may need more finances to not depend on your parents.

You may need to look for a better job or a side hustle.

We know it’s hard, but all that trouble will pay off in the long run.

3. Move Away From Your Parents

It doesn’t mean they won’t still try to control you even if you don’t live together, but it is easier to deal with it this way.

Moving to a new city alone can be a big step in your life, and it can be very challenging, especially if you’ve lived with your parents all your life.

But it is one of the sure paths to independence from parents.

4. Set Clear Boundaries

Healthy boundaries with your parents are essential to preserving your relationship.

Sometimes parents are unaware that they are hurting their children, so you have to tell them clearly.

Emphasize to the parents what triggers you.

If you don’t want them to comment on your work or your choice of partner, make it clear to them not to.

And for some topics you don’t have to mention, it’s completely ok not to tell your parents everything.

Whether you stay with your parents or move away, boundaries must exist. 

They have to respect your privacy. 

Even if you move away, that doesn’t mean they should call you non-stop on the phone.

In Conclusion – Ask Yourself What You Want in Life

Being 30 years old does not mean you have everything figured out and already have a plan for your life.

So ask yourself what you really want from life and where you see yourself in the future.

Your life is yours alone, and it doesn’t mean it’s your fault if you don’t see your parents in it.

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