If you are frustrated your husband doesn’t want to hear about your day, the first thing you should ask yourself is how well you listen to him.
How does your husband respond when you share the details of your day with him? Does he even listen? Does he dissociate and wander off mentally, and you feel left all alone?
Sharing is an important part of any relationship.
If you feel like you can’t share what matters to you with your husband, who is supposed to be one of the most important people in your life, that is overwhelmingly frustrating.
Before you start judging your husband for not being there for you, you may want to understand the differences in communication between men and women.
You may hope your husband will one day listen to you as your girlfriends do, but that’s not really going to happen. And not because he does not love, support, or care for you, but because men generally communicate differently.
In some cases, husbands don’t want to listen, they want to talk, but in most cases, the problem actually arises from differences in communication styles.
If you want to improve communication with your husband and understand what really happens when you feel he does not want to hear about your day, stay tuned and keep reading.
4 Key Reasons Why Your Husband Doesn’t Want to Hear About Your Day
Men and women play by distinct conversational norms, which helps to explain certain seemingly senseless conflicts.
We may put blame aside and communicate more effectively by becoming aware of the differences in conversational frequencies between the sexes.
1. You Anticipate His Agreement with You
At the beginning of your relationship, your husband was a great listener. But, after a while, he started to side with your boss, frenemy, mother, or whoever was against you.
Women crave support and need to feel their partner is on their side even when they know they are wrong, and men enjoy playing the devil’s advocate. They like to discuss, analyze and explore and women may find that harsh when sharing something that hurts them.
Suppose you generally expect him to agree with whatever you say and never accept an honest exchange of opinions as an option.
In that case, he may not feel interested in listening to you because he knows the conclusion of your conversation always leads to the same point.
Make a conversation-friendly environment. Inform your spouse that you want to hear his opinion and that you won’t judge him this time.
Recognize that occasionally you will simply not hold the same views.
Let him know that there are other occasions when you really want to know he’s on your side, such as after a dispute with your boss because it might not come easy to him.
Afterward, take action. If you catch yourself wanting to dispute or biting your tongue, resist the desire.
Pay attention to what your man’s perspective says about him as well, since this type of communication enables women to better comprehend and connect with males.
You may hear the commitments, passions, integrity, and ambitions of the person who has that view if you listen in this way.
2. You Are Just Venting Instead of Talking
Imagine a situation when your girlfriend upsets you for something that she did.
You can tell she means well, but how could she have believed what she did was morally appropriate and that you would approve?
And you feel you must share everything about that with your husband immediately, or else you will explode.
You see it as venting.
You want your husband to hear you out, give you a hug, and cheer you up.
But your husband will most likely feel threatened by such an explosion of emotions that have nothing to do with him.
And even though you don’t blame him for anything, he may feel like he did something wrong since he witnessed such an eruption of emotions. He has no idea how to make you feel better or provide you with advice.
He can hardly keep up with your cognitive process. He could respond by rushing to find a solution for the dialogue to end. Or he may choose not to believe anything you say since you are acting so emotionally.
Tell him you appreciate having his ear before he closes down or suggests ideas you don’t want to hear.
If all you want is for him to listen, let him know since it’s men’s nature to want to solve issues.
He’s probably not having fun listening to your rant, but he listens because he loves you. So keep that in mind, and thank him for taking the time to listen and encourage you.
Afterward, perhaps go to a more lighthearted topic.
3. He Is Used to You Listening to Him
If your relationship is generally such that most often, your husband talks about his day, problems, friends, and interests while you provide understanding and comfort, he may feel threatened by this change of roles.
If he grew up with an older sister or had an exceptionally caring mother, he may subconsciously conclude that women are there to listen and provide support.
His experience is that women don’t have problems and are always available to comfort a man, so he expects the same of you. He is terrified when you expect him to listen to you and show that you have problems, too, because he feels he is losing his safe haven.
He may be the best man in the world, but he needs some help to overcome his upbringing patterns.
Since he enjoyed a lot of emotional support from women while growing up, he surely has the capacity to provide the same to others.
It will probably be enough to clearly state what you need from him before you start talking about your day.
If you need him to listen to you without taking an active role in the conversation, just tell him that.
If you need advice, give him time to think about your problem.
If you need support, ask for it. Whatever you need, don’t expect him to read your mind. That’s never gonna happen.
4. Your Hubby Is Putting Distance Between You Two
Your husband may put up a barrier to communication when he doesn’t discuss issues.
Men may want to keep their distance from their wives for a variety of reasons.
He may feel weary of the marriage, for one thing.
Another explanation can be that he doesn’t value marriage. Other times, your husband—not you—is at fault.
When a husband stops communicating with his wife, it often means that he wants to end the marriage.
His preferred strategy is to cease speaking to you and so leave a large communication gap. He wants you to quit being emotionally connected to him over time.
If communication problems have been going on for a long time and you already feel lonely, the best solution is to seek the help of a mental health expert or a marriage counselor.
You can also try to honestly talk to your husband about how you feel and try to understand what led to the fact that he does not want to communicate with you.
Are you criticizing him too much? Have you forgotten about your relationship due to taking care of children?
In this case, some small tactics will hardly help. It is necessary to address the root of the problem.
What to Do to Improve Communication in Marriage?
One of the most common causes of marital failure in today’s society is a lack of communication.
Therefore, it is acceptable to state that your man is weak for a man if he chooses to ignore you rather than speak up.
A relationship grows when partners make errors, admit them, and work to fix them.
Recognizing this reality will assist you in creating a happy marriage and family.
However, if your spouse chooses to avoid you when problems develop, it indicates he has to improve.
For a variety of reasons, many men quit talking and listening in their relationships.
Their entire wives, themselves, or another factor may be at blame.
The greatest solution is to speak with your partner, even if it might be frustrating for you.
Practical Tips to Communicate Better with Your Husband
- Be precise
- Use more I statements and fewer You statements
- Don’t expect him to read your mind, and don’t try to read his mind – ask him instead.
- Use only constructive criticism
- Try listening without being defensive
- Share positive feelings
What constitutes effective communication, exactly? According to studies on the factors that contribute to successful marriages, 5:1 positive to negative behaviors are present in the relationships of happy and healthy spouses.
This indicates that there are five times as many pleasant contacts between contented couples as there are negative ones.
Examples of positive interactions include listening, validating the other person, using gentle words, and expressing gratitude, affirmation, physical love, and praise.