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What To Do When Your Wife Doesn’t Know What She Wants? 6 Tips

Your marriage was going great, but suddenly you started to feel something was wrong.

Your wife no longer knows what she wants, which is starting to affect your marriage.

What to do when your wife doesn’t know what she wants? The most important thing is not to expect the problem to be solved by itself, to change something in your behavior if necessary, and help her if she is going through a difficult period.

Husband comfort upset offended wife

When we hear that someone doesn’t know what they want, we usually associate it with younger people who are still immature.

Not knowing what one wants is not necessarily a sign of immaturity.

It can also happen to those who are mature and have been through a lot in life but still lose the direction they want to move through life.

And there is also the possibility that your wife knows what she wants, but you don’t see it.

In any case, the situation is complex and can lead to major conflicts in the marriage.

This article aims to help you understand your wife, try to help her save your marriage, and for things to go back to how they used to be.

Why Doesn’t Your Wife Know What She Wants? 3 Reasons

We sometimes don’t know what we want from life, partners, work, or even ourselves.

Your wife is going through such a period, and you wonder why.

Maybe it’s one of these reasons:

1. She is Unhappy With You

relationship crisis concept

We have to start with you.

Is it your fault that she doesn’t know what she wants?

Even that expression when we say someone doesn’t know what he wants is a bit offensive.

Maybe you have decided to think that she doesn’t know what she wants, but in reality, she knows very well.

And what’s worse than ignoring the problem?

Ignoring problems is one of the major sins in a marriage that can lead to divorce.

The fact that you like to sweep problems under the rug and don’t mind the elephant in the room does not mean that the problem will disappear.

Maybe it’s easier for you to say that she doesn’t know what she wants than to look at yourself and think about your behaviors that lead to problems in your marriage. 

These can be:

  • You flirt with other women – jealousy is a common reason for problems in marriage. You don’t respect boundaries with female colleagues at work or even rudely comment on how beautiful another woman is in front of your wife.
  • You disagree on essential life topics – arguments follow this. You and your wife want to live in different places, or she hates your job because it drifts you apart, and so on.
  • You behave irresponsibly – you say you’re going to do something, but you don’t, and your wife always has to remind you. And when he points it out to you, you get angry. Ignoring the problem is also a sign of irresponsibility.
  • You make rude comments about your wife – maybe you don’t notice it, but you hurt your wife with ugly words. Let’s say when you make nasty comments about her weight. Or call her lazy.
  • You neglect your wife – it’s easy to fall into the routine of life, but when was the last time you went out together? You probably come home from work, sit on the couch and play video games all day without considering that maybe she wants to do something with you.

All that we have listed are some common reasons why your wife is unhappy in her marriage with you.

We must come to your defense and say that marriage is a two-way street.

Just because she doesn’t know what she wants doesn’t mean you’re the only one to blame.

Maybe it’s not your fault at all.

A wife can also neglect her husband, not want to spend time with him, and be irresponsible in marriage.

Sometimes love goes out by itself, and we are left not knowing what we want anymore. Maybe that’s the case with your wife.

2. She Feels Burnt Out

Burnout can happen to anyone, including your wife.

Life routine, work, stress, responsibilities around the family, and even constant minor problems can make someone get confused and don’t know what they want.

Maybe she quit her job and thinks she ruined her life, or perhaps she made a big mistake that makes her feel bad.

Life comes in circles.

It can happen to all of us that we feel disoriented sometimes and don’t know what we want.

3. She is Dissatisfied With Her Life

Sad woman sitting on sofa at home deep in thoughts

Has your wife shown signs of dissatisfaction before?

Was she confused and didn’t know her path in life?

Great expectations can lead to great disappointments.

Maybe your wife also had high expectations from life, but she thinks that nothing happened.

Because of this, she can fall into apathy, not caring about anything because your wife doesn’t know what she wants anymore.

You might associate this with the classic burnout mentioned above, but it can be much more dangerous if it lasts for a long time.

A person who does not know what he wants can be prone to destructive behavior in search of that meaning.

And we all need meaning in life.

What Should You Do When Your Wife Doesn’t Know What She Wants? 6 Essential Tips

couple talking about problems

When someone doesn’t know what he wants, he suffers deeply inside.

It’s not like when we don’t know what we want to eat for dinner; these are serious life things in question.

You don’t want your wife and your marriage to suffer.

Try these tips:

1. Understand What Is Bothering Her

What is bothering your wife?

Problems at work? Dissatisfaction with life? Maybe it’s even you?

Whatever it is, you have to find out.

It’s time to be physically and mentally present and be there for your wife.

2. Read Between The Lines

You like direct communication, but sometimes you must learn to read between the lines.

The fact that your wife tells you that she doesn’t care and that she just doesn’t know what she wants doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s true.

Ask yourself what kind of messages she sends you.

Does he behave distantly towards you, avoid you, and you hear the “I love you” less and less?

These are all signs that she is unhappy with you or your marriage, and you need to work on it.

3. Have a Serious Conversation With Her

That conversation is urgent, but it must not be an argument.

In that conversation, it’s time to tell everything you have to each other and how it all affects your marriage.

Listen to her carefully, and try to understand her no matter what.

4. Create a Safe Space For Her

You will make it much easier for her to know what she wants if she feels confident.

We know what you’re thinking: you’re her husband; she’s safe with you.

And ask yourself, did you consider every her decision with an open mind?

Let’s say, were you against all the places she wanted you to travel to?

In the end, you didn’t go anywhere, and now she doesn’t even know if she wants to go on vacation at all.

Or if he’s still looking for herself and her career, don’t be judgmental.

We all have the right to search for ourselves in life and try different things.

If she decided to take an astrology course, it doesn’t mean you should talk her down just because you don’t believe in astrology.

Create a safe space for her and all her ideas, and then she will more easily know what she wants.

That way, she will feel less lost and confused, and strengthen your relationship.

5. Give Her Some Alone Time 

woman reading book

Don’t be immediately jealous and suspicious when your wife says she needs to be alone

Some people need to be alone to understand things about themselves and their life.

Maybe she is more introverted, so she needs more alone time to recharge and make better decisions.

6. Be Kind and Gentle Towards Her

Often long-term relationships and marriages fall into a routine, and we can become rude and unkind to each other.

If your wife is going through a difficult period and doesn’t know what she wants, don’t make it more difficult for her.

Remember how nice and sweet you were when you were dating.

You are free to repeat such things now.

“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person”

— Mignon McLaughlin

Make her a surprise, buy her flowers, take her to her favorite restaurant, and organize a romantic weekend getaway.

Your marriage can only improve after that, and she will focus better on what she wants.

To Wrap It Up,

The fact that your wife doesn’t know what she wants right now is a sign that something is wrong and that it’s up to you to figure out what. 

Be her safe haven; give her the space to figure out what she wants and help her do it. 

The most important thing is that you don’t just sit there, ignore the problem and tell yourself that everything is ok when it isn’t.