Having a dad who is always angry and negative can seriously impact your self-esteem. But you should know that it has never been, nor will it be, your fault that your father is always in a bad mood. I remember a time in my childhood when my father was my superhero, a role model that I felt I had to reach and surpass.
I couldn’t even imagine what it would be like if he suddenly became unpleasant to me.
And that is precisely every child’s natural reaction and expectation – to have a father whom he will admire, who will provide him with satiety and tenderness, and the direction in life.
You must understand that the most important thing for every child in this world is not to lose the connection with their parents.
When you are a minor, you feel you cannot survive if an adult does not care for you. That’s why there is nothing more terrible for children than being rejected by their parents.
What Every Child with a Dad Who is Always Angry and Negative Needs to Know
The child will do everything to preserve the relationship with his father.
And that is precisely why, if the father is not good to the child, the child will first think that it is because he is not right and not because the father is terrible.
If you feel that your relationship with your father is not the best, if you wonder why your father is moody, why he has tantrums over little things, why you are uncomfortable around him, or similar, it all indicates that you did not have the father you deserve.
The very fact that you ask yourself such questions is very good.
It means that you still have some rebellion and a desire for understanding.
So, even though understanding will not make up for your emotionally inadequate father, it will still provide you with relief and the opportunity to correct the mistakes made against you.
When you understand what really happened to you, one day, you can become a better father to your children.
Why is Your Dad so Moody and How to Deal With His Moods
To be a good parent, one must be a mature person. To be a mature person, one must have good parents.
But he must also be ready to take responsibility for himself in every sense.
If your father changes moods every hour, if you can’t predict how he will feel or react, that behavior resembles the behavior of a teenager.
Moody behavior most often indicates a person’s immaturity. Your father behaves like a child who is allowed everything.
This may be because he was spoiled, so he always expects someone else to regulate his emotions.
It could also be the case that he was neglected and is unwilling to take care of you as a parent because he himself feels like a child.
Some men let women take care of everything related to children and the family, and they remain stuck in eternal adolescence, mostly dissatisfied.
If your father is an unstable personality with weak self-control, moodiness will also be part of his daily behavior. But you know what’s really important to understand?
Whatever the reason your father is moody, it is not your fault for how your father acts or feels.
It has nothing to do with you. It is your right and imperative to protect yourself from his moodiness.
You have the right to ignore him, not to comply with his demands, to be angry with him, to make demands of him.
After all, he is your father and not the other way around.
It’s not your job to take care of his mental health. It’s his responsibility.
What If You Don’t Like Your Dad as a Person
Every child in this world has the right to have a wonderful father who takes care of him, loves him, nurtures him, plays with him, and teaches him new things.
If the child receives enough attention and care from the father, he will easily love and adore him. However, if the father neglects the child, that child has the right to protest.
It takes enormous courage for a child to face the fact that his father is not taking good enough care of him, and it takes even greater courage to stand up to such a father.
Whatever kind of person your father is, you have the right not to like him. You have the right to feel for your father however you think.
The parent always bears the greater responsibility in the relationship between parent and child.
Remember that when you feel any unpleasant emotion toward your father. Most often, the child reacts to the treatment he receives.
It is great that you noticed that you have such feelings toward your father.
The next step is to think about what you are actually reacting to. Has your father ever lived up to your expectations?
Have you ever felt safe, accepted, and loved around your father?
Are you ever able to turn to him for help?
Were you afraid of your father when you were little?
Do you think that you wouldn’t like your father as a person if he was wonderful, warm, and caring towards you?
What If Your Dad Gets Mad Over Little Things
When someone gets angry over little things, it may mean several things:
- he avoids facing big things that he can but will not solve
- he is an overworked perfectionist
- he is under tremendous stress and suffers from burnout syndrome
- he is a person who always looks for the culprit in others.
The emotion of anger is at the root of assertiveness. When we are angry, we tell the environment that we want something to change or someone’s behavior towards us to change.
If your father gets angry easily over little things that don’t matter to anyone but him, it could also be an immature way to draw attention to himself.
Immature fathers see their children as competition, so they often unknowingly use various manipulations to attract attention from the environment.
For perfectionists, even the slightest mistake is a disaster and a sign that they are not good enough, so life and work with him are certainly not easy if your father is like that.
People who are under stress tend to swallow their emotions. When their tank is full, they often become petty and very unpleasant to the environment.
Anger over small things also often indicates a person who does not take responsibility for himself but is always looking for a reason to blame someone or something from his environment for his own dissatisfaction.
The most important thing you should know if your father gets angry over little things is that you should never experience it personally.
Children are very inclined to feel guilty because of their parents’ displeasure, but this is the most common trap for children of immature parents.
It is important that you understand and accept that you have the right to distance yourself from your father, set boundaries, and not allow him to use you as an excuse for his mistakes or dissatisfaction.
Why Do You Feel Uncomfortable Around Your Dad
As we said, the parent is the initiator of the relationship with the child, and he is the one who sets the tone for that relationship and decides on its quality.
A good enough parent provides his child with love, care, and attention responds to his needs, and represents the most significant support for the child.
How warm and gentle the parent depends on how free the child will feel next to him. You practically never met if your father was withdrawn or didn’t spend time with you.
It is challenging to accept that someone who should be the closest to you in the world is a complete stranger.
But it is quite normal to feel uncomfortable around a father with whom you have never had the opportunity to build a relationship.
Likewise, if your father criticizes you a lot, you will unconsciously expect to hear something bad about yourself every time you meet him, which is not pleasant.
It is quite normal that, in that case, you feel uncomfortable around your father.
A Quick Take-In:
10 Things to Do If Your Dad is Always Angry and Negative
- Don’t blame yourself. You are responsible for your feelings, not for your dad’s feelings
- Don’t try to save your dad. He could take care of himself if he wanted to
- Don’t take his lash outs personally. They have nothing to do with you
- Accept your dad will never be the dad you needed and deserved
- Seek support from other family members or friends
- Don’t try to please your father. That’s mission impossible
- Don’t fall into the trap of fighting with your father. That’s exactly what he wants
- Don’t feel guilty for having unpleasant feelings about your father
- Remember that you, like every child in the world, deserve a good father, not one that will make your life miserable
- Draw boundaries and stick to them in a relationship with your father