If your dad remarried and forgot about you, it is natural for you to feel devastated. Even if he wasn’t much of a father. After you reassess the situation taking all the aspects into consideration, you will find a way to overcome the hurt.
When welcoming a new partner into the family, a parent of adult children might not take the same care as a parent of younger children.
They frequently reason that “the kids are now grownups, they comprehend it.” So they continue their life after that, neglecting the child’s needs.
Sadly, this strategy frequently backfires and can ruin any relationship an adult kid might have with their parent’s new spouse.
Though thought to be older and understanding of a desire for a life of one’s own, the parent does not do the necessary relationship groundwork before remarrying.
This situation may lead you to believe, “I had a great relationship with dad before – it must be this new person that is keeping us apart,” when it is simply a desire to start over.
If you feel your father forgot about you after he remarried, this text is for you.
The father who left the family frequently senses the adult child’s mistrust but fails to recognize it for what it is.
He most often starts to distance himself more after feeling a bit bad about beginning afresh.
At a time when everyone is most in need of one another, confusion sets in.
Are You Feeling Left Behind after Your Dad Remarried and Forgot About You?
It’s common for a child of any age to grow angry when a parent chooses to have a love relationship with someone else.
That’s because they worry that their father is attempting to forget about the family as a whole.
Additionally, kids seldom ever think of their parents as someone’s spouse or wife.
You probably still regarded your father as your father and not your mother’s spouse, even though he was married to your mother.
It’s more obvious that he’s not only your dad but also someone’s lover now that he’s married to someone other than your mother, and you might need to get to know him again.
Effective, honest communication might be all that is needed to mend the situation. It sounds like you two need to be honest with one another about how you actually feel.
So, in order to overcome this situation, follow these steps:
Step 1: Assess the situation from another angle
Suppose you feel like your father has no interest in you and your life or like your father left you for another family.
In that case, you will be very surprised to hear that you may be completely wrong.
Your father may feel completely insecure and confused, and he may need time, too, to process all the changes that are happening in his life.
Before you judge him for his behavior:
- Give him some time.
- Set a deadline in your head.
- Don’t pull any moves during that time.
Just leave him be and let him come to you. Also, ask yourself the following questions:
- What kind of a relationship did you have with your father, and what did you aim to have?
- Have you been judgemental about his new wife or expressed any disapproval?
- Do you wish to have a normal, pleasant relationship with his new wife too?
- If not, how do you think your relationship with your father can progress if you openly disapprove of his new life, his choice of partner, or the mere fact that he has a new partner?
- Has he really shown any real sign of excluding you from his new life, or is it just your fear taking the best of you?
When answering these questions, be honest with yourself. You can’t hide from yourself for long.
When you are sure you got the situation right and that you are not exaggerating or discounting any aspect of the situation, you can continue to the next step.
Step 2: The Tough Conversation
Whether your father is really excluding you from his new life or you feel that way, you must find a way to talk about it with him.
It’s easy to blame someone when you don’t understand them. Suppose your father persistently avoids talking about it or gets angry at the very idea.
In that case, it is clear that you are right to feel that way and that you have little choice but to withdraw and grieve the loss of your father from your life.
But in most cases, fathers are afraid to face their children because they feel guilty or expect their children to criticize and scold them for daring to love someone other than their mother.
This is especially characteristic of cases when the new partner was not preceded by divorce but by the mother’s death.
So, for a start, choose a neutral place where you can talk in peace.
The very invitation to talk must be friendly. You can tell your father that you miss him and that you just want a few moments with him.
Think carefully about what exactly you want to say to him. He must know that you understand that he has a desire for a new beginning, that you do not judge him, but also that you wonder if there is room for you in this new life.
Let him know that you will always be a family in all circumstances and that, for you, he will always be your father regardless of what life choices he makes.
You can also tell him that you are both adults and that you understand that he is much more than just your dad. Suppose your father completely avoids such a conversation.
In that case, if the conversation does not go well, you need to know that you must not blame yourself for it.
You tried and did your best, but that’s all you can do. Now is the time to turn to yourself and take care of your needs.
Step 3: Adjust to the New Reality
Whether you manage to establish a relationship with your father or not, there will certainly be significant changes in your life.
If the previous two steps took you in the desired direction, and your father is back in your life, you must be aware that nothing will be the same as before.
At some point, it will probably become inevitable that you establish a nice relationship with his new partner.
Keep in mind that you have the right to ask your father to wait until you are ready for it if you find it difficult to see him with someone other than your mother.
If the previous two steps have confirmed that your father no longer wants you in his life and you feel you are no longer important to him, be prepared to go through a grieving period.
The fact that your father has forgotten you and has no intention of changing it is easier to accept than the death of your parents.
When a parent dies, it’s clear that a higher power has ruled and that you couldn’t do anything.
But when a parent rejects you, it always leaves a lot of unanswered questions, a lot of pain, and a wound that is hard to heal.
That is why it is essential that you take care of yourself properly in such a situation. To seek the support of people who love you and allow yourself to grieve.
Don’t even hesitate to seek the support of a mental health expert.
It’s actually the fastest way to get answers to the questions that are surely bothering you, like is it your fault your dad left, could you have done something to change that, etc.
Quick Tips to Help You Cope if Your Father Remarried and Forgot About You
- Whatever happened between you and your father, it is not your fault he decided to act the way he did. We are all responsible for our actions, and so is your father.
- Focus on your needs, surround yourself with people who love and care for you
- If your father made such a decision, you could be sure of one thing – you deserve a much better father.
- Don’t bother with vengeful thoughts. It is only a waste of time. Your father may never be aware of how deeply he hurt you.
- Focus on the people who love you, not on the people who did you wrong
- Offer support to other family members who also feel betrayed by your father. There’s nothing that heals better than a community.
- Don’t feel obliged to do anything for your father.
Recognize that, like you, your dad has experienced some significant life changes.
He has had to make significant changes, whether he lost his wife to death or divorce.
At first, he probably won’t seem like “the same person,” but he’s still your father.
Your perception that your father has changed may be accurate.
Think about whether or not your dad is acting properly and correctly in response to his newfound happiness rather than being unusual in a bad way.
Also, remember that everyone needs a person, even if your dad no longer believes that person to be your mom.