What usually comes to mind for most people when the biggest threats to marriage are mentioned?
Financial problems, disagreements, misunderstandings, and so on.
The first thing that comes to your mind is a narcissistic mother-in-law, and you are envious of those who do not have such a problem.
Your marriage is dangerously threatened or even on the verge of divorce because of your mother-in-law.
How did your narcissistic mother-in-law destroy your marriage? In addition to disrespecting you, she created a problem between you and your husband by constantly interfering and complaining.
It is comforting that you are not alone in this situation because mothers-in-law are infamous for their narcissism.
We know you don’t want to laugh, but have you seen the classic “Monster-in-Law” with Jennifer Lopez and Jane Fonda?
We recommend that romantic comedy movie because it deals with a topic that bothers you.
But if you want to properly solve a problem that has been bothering you for a long time, we recommend that you stay until the end of this article.
Is My Narcissistic Mother-In-Law Destroying My Marriage? 5 Clear Signs
What characteristics of your mother-in-law threaten your marriage and your peace of mind?
These are potential signs of a narcissistic mother-in-law:
1. Your Mother-In-Law Does Not Respect Any Boundaries
There are no boundaries for your mother-in-law, whether physical or conversational.
You feel like you never have peace at home because she can drop in unannounced at any moment.
Your mother-in-law probably says that she won’t bother you and that you do your own work, but she really bothers you.
When she comes to your home, she pokes her nose into everything around your house like a detective.
She loves to jump into every conversation between you and your husband.
Whatever you’re arguing about, she has to say her opinion, even when it’s about things that obviously don’t concern her.
2. She is Controlling and Manipulative
Does your mother-in-law try to control everything in every way?
First of all, your husband, her son, but also you.
When you think about it, she has always been a narcissistic mother to your husband.
She constantly interfered with everything and had the need to control him even though he was an adult who could take care of himself.
Your mother-in-law also uses manipulative tricks to keep her in control of her son.
The main trick she has mastered is playing the victim card.
She keeps saying she is neglected and that you don’t pay attention to her anymore.
Your mother-in-law keeps calling your husband to tell him how she has given him everything and that he doesn’t take enough care of her.
Naturally, your husband feels bad after such conversations.
Now, what matters here is how your husband reacts to her mind games.
Of course, you can’t expect him not to care about his mother.
But if he neglects your marriage and allows his mother’s manipulations to affect your relationship, you have a huge problem.
Here’s one example: you want to move away with your husband, but your husband doesn’t want to because he thinks he’ll be too far away from his mother.
Even though it’s evident that you’ll have a better future somewhere else, he doesn’t want to move out of his parent’s house.
3. She Thinks You Are Not Good Enough for Her Son
For these toxic mothers, no one is good enough for their sons.
This is typical behavior for mothers who treat their sons as husbands.
Such mothers are possessive and emotionally immature, which can seriously jeopardize their sons’ relationships.
If your mother-in-law is like that, know that no matter what you do, it won’t be good enough.
She will, in every way, need to diminish your achievements and make you worthless.
You can graduate from Harvard, and she’ll still think you’re not smart enough for her precious child.
And yes, speaking of her child, how did she raise your husband?
Is he used to being lazy and relying too much on others to do things for him?
His mother spoiled him too much by always following and doing things for him.
That’s why it’s no wonder your husband comes home from work and doesn’t do anything, expecting everything to be perfect.
He expects you to play the role of his mother, who does everything for him.
4. Your Mother-In-Law Always Has to Nag You
Nobody likes to be told what to do and what not to do.
What particularly annoys you is the out-of-nowhere advice your mother-in-law loves to give you, even though you don’t ask her.
But it’s not positive advice. It’s advice full of criticism, irony, and general toxicity.
In addition to the usual tips on organizing a better household or preparing tastier food, these tips can be much more personal.
Your mother-in-law may comment on your life decisions and make you reconsider them, even though you don’t want to change your mind.
For example, if you have decided to have a career and take care of household duties with your husband, your mother-in-law convinces you that it is better to be a housewife.
And one typical example is if you and your husband have not yet become parents, your mother-in-law will rush you to do it because she wants to become a grandma.
She doesn’t realize that she is putting pressure on you and doesn’t consider whether you are ready for a baby.
And let’s not start with the comments on your parenting, to which you are particularly sensitive.
You must have noticed a change in your mother-in-law when she became a grandma.
Suddenly she knows everything about the child because you are young and don’t know anything.
“Ah, those modern mothers” is her comment on everything you do with your child.
She knows everything better than you, even though her methods are dated, and it’s been a long time since she was a new mother.
5. She Has All The Typical Narcissistic Traits
What are your mother-in-law’s narcissistic traits?
First of all, everything must revolve around her.
So family gatherings always somehow turn into a story about her because she has to steal the show.
When faced with facts that are not in her favor, she reacts and has no problem with lying.
She is the one who constantly creates conflicts in the family, and it is the worst for you when she makes arguments between you and your husband.
How to Deal With Narcissistic Mother-In-Law? 3 Major Tips
To save your marriage, you must break the toxic influence of your mother-in-law on it.
Here’s what you should do:
1. Try to Understand Your Mother-In-Law
We know that it is difficult for you to understand her, but what is the cause of her behavior?
It’s too easy to say she’s just the way she is.
Are there any significant differences between you and her?
Generational differences always exist, but perhaps there is something more at stake.
For example, cultural and religious differences, education, social status, etc.
Or maybe your mother-in-law just had a hard life; her son is all she has, and that’s why she’s being so possessive about him.
In any case, acknowledge the exact reason for her behavior and try to find a solution.
Not taking the problem seriously enough can only make the situation worse.
2. Set Firm Boundaries
When some people don’t understand that they shouldn’t mix in everything and don’t have basic manners, you must clearly set boundaries for them.
Which means no unannounced visits and no overstays.
Unless it’s an emergency, but not for everything else, your time is precious, and she has to respect that.
The same applies to calls because it makes no sense for your husband to spend the whole day on the phone with his mother when he comes home from work, and you need him.
Boundaries are also important when it comes to conversation.
Your mother-in-law cannot just comment on things that concern only you and your husband.
Also, she should refrain from poking her nose into your life and giving you “well-intentioned” advice you didn’t ask for.
You may be an evil daughter-in-law for all this, but at least you will keep your peace of mind.
3. Get Your Husband Involved
There is no way your husband can stand aside and expect things to work out or for you to get used to putting up with his mother.
His mother is in question; he must be involved as well.
Please don’t make your husband and his mother fight; that should never be your goal.
Your husband must understand that his mother is destroying your marriage and support you in setting boundaries.
And if he’s been spoiled too much by his mother, it may be time for him to finally grow up and act like an adult.
This means that if you need to move for your family’s future, your husband should agree instead of emphasizing that you should continue living with his mother.
It is always a better option that married couples do not live together with their parents.
To Conclude – Don’t Let Your Mother-in-Law Ruin Your Marriage
“Do you know how many mothers-in-law it takes to destroy a marriage? Just one…yours!”
If you think you need to change your approach towards her, that’s ok, but don’t blame yourself if your mother-in-law is narcissistic.
Instead, apply these tips while you still can.
It may still be possible for your Mother-in-law to become aware of her mistakes and for your relationship to improve.