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Why Do Mothers-in-Law Not Like Daughters-in-Law? 5 Reasons

You married the man of your dreams and expected everything to be perfect, considering he is the sweetest man ever.

However, he has only one flaw, which bothers you a lot, and it’s not even his fault. And that is his mother who doesn’t love you and tries to make your life miserable in every possible way.

You didn’t expect that stereotypical situation to happen to you because it is well known that mothers-in-law are infamous for being not too nice to their daughters-in-law.

Why do mothers-in-law mistreat daughters-in-law? Because they are too controlling, don’t respect boundaries, are too judgmental, want to be the center of attention, and ultimately think that no one is good enough for their child.

in law conflict

What is your favorite mother-in-law joke? Probably none because your MIL is getting unbearable.

Ah, yes, there is actually one that describes your situation: “How many mothers-in-law does it take to ruin a marriage? Just one… mine!”

To save your marriage and mental calmness, we recommend that you read this article to the end because we will better explain your MIL’s behavior and how to deal with her.

Why Does Your Mother-in-Law Hate You? 5 Most Common Reasons

There must be some more profound reasons why mothers-in-law are natural enemies of their daughters-in-law. 

Therefore, we will list the most common reasons you are not your MIL’s favorite person. Those are:

1. She Thinks You Are Not A Good Enough Housewife

This is the most common reason mothers have to object to their daughters-in-law.

Does your MIL keep coming behind you and commenting on everything about your household? 

If the situation is such that you and your husband live together with his mother, then the problem is far worse.

And what is she commenting on? Well… everything! How you need to keep the house cleaner, how you always have a pile of dirty laundry, not to mention how you cook. As for cooking, that’s where you find the most flaws because he thinks that your cooking skills are limited.

Even when you do everything around the house, and everything is clean and tidy, she finds some no sense complaint, like why you didn’t wash the windows, even though the windows are perfectly clean.

According to her, you are not and will never be a good housewife. As if that’s all you care about in life.

She keeps talking about how women today are too spoiled, and women were much more capable of everything in her time. How much does it annoy you on a scale of 1 to 10? 11!

2. She Thinks That You Are Not Good Enough

Good enough, for what exactly? For her precious child, of course.

And is anyone even good enough for her son?

We understand that every parent loves their child more than anything, but a little reality would be adequate.

Why exactly are you not good enough for her child?

First, it may be a matter of physical appearance because her son is the most beautiful, and anything below Victoria’s Secret model is unsatisfactory for his mother.

Then education and material status. If you are dealing with a mother-in-law who is snobbish and too materialistically oriented, then it is no wonder you have such problems.

And it’s the worst if your mother-in-law thinks you influence her child badly. “Before he met you, he was a perfect young man, and now you are a bad influence on him.”

To clarify, anything that goes against your MIL’s opinion is a bad influence by default.

3. She Thinks You Don’t Care Enough About Her Son

A similar reason as the previous one, but there are differences.

Is your mother-in-law the mother who cares too much about her child? Maybe she spoiled your husband, her son, too much.

She thinks you don’t prepare his food well enough, “just the way he likes it,” or you don’t care enough for him when he gets sick.

Also, she finds it abnormal that he does housework. She freaked out when she saw your husband help you with the household chores.

He was spared all that when he was under her roof.

It is good if your husband has recognized that he is too spoiled by his mother and is working to change that. In that case, your MIL’s objections will not have the effect of making him go back to his old habits.

4. She Constantly Disagrees With You

If you have totally different personalities, this can happen frequently.

Your MIL does not agree with you about your life perspectives or views. 

Generational differences may be at play here, but some respect and understanding must exist.

The problem is that there needs to be more understanding on her part.

But unfortunately, there is no such thing, and she criticizes your lifestyle and way of thinking about specific topics.

You feel very limited, and you must be careful what you say in front of her to avoid an argument.

But the worst is disagreeing on serious issues such as marriage or children.

Questions like: Where should you and your husband live? When will you have children? Or if you have children, how will you raise them?

You know what? These are all matters concerning only you and your husband; the mother-in-law has no right to interfere here.

5. She Thinks You Hate Her

Do you hate her?

No, but you are definitely not happy when she visits you or calls you on the phone. If you live together, impatience can be felt in the air.

If she does something mentioned above, you certainly don’t have a good opinion of her.

You think she is a narcissistic mother-in-law who does not give you peace.

Her unannounced visits have ruined your day so often that you can’t count. Ah, yes, boundaries? She doesn’t know about such things. “Is that some new-age stuff?”

That’s why she likes to visit you unannounced and just when you have other chores. But she expects you to drop everything and sit with her.

If that was at least a pleasant conversation and not a barrage of passive-aggressive criticism and advice you didn’t ask for.

You may hate her a little, after all.

How to Improve The Mother-in-Law and Daughter-in-Law Relationship? 3 Essential Tips

All jokes and comedy movies about in-laws aside, your situation is serious.

A mother-in-law can make a hell out of your marriage, make you argue with your husband, and affect your mental peace.

Therefore, it’s time to take concrete steps to change that. Here’s what you need to do:

1. Try to Be Understanding and Patient

This can seem challenging, depending on how annoying your mother-in-law is.

Recognize that your mother-in-law’s feelings likely come from a place of hurt or fear, and try not to take things too personally.

After all, it is your husband’s mother, and you don’t want to say some ugly words that will forever ruin your relationship.

Try to find a common language, despite all the differences. It has to have at least something you agree on.

2. Set Clear Boundaries

You may have already tried this, but it didn’t work.

A mistake many daughters-in-law make is that they are too nervous when meeting their mother-in-law because they want to present themselves in the best possible way. However, it is much better to be honest instead trying to impress someone at any cost.

This behavior can continue even later in the marriage, and problems and disagreements arise. Don’t expect problems to go away by themselves.

You have to explain to your mother-in-law what the boundaries are.

She can’t just come to visit you unannounced whenever she wants.

If she disagrees with you, she must not insult you and make you feel bad. That’s basic decency, at least.

But under no circumstances should your mother-in-law interfere in the marriage of you and your husband. If you ask her for advice and opinion, that’s ok, but she must not impose her opinion and create conflict between you two.

3. Involve Your Husband

Where is your husband in this whole story?

Does your husband agree that his mother is causing problems in your marriage, or is he even on her side?

Maybe he is on her side and has adopted some rude habits, such as criticizing you in front of his family. That is a huge red flag.

Do you want to be married to a man you can rely on or a mama’s boy who doesn’t have an opinion of his own?

It’s his mother, and he can’t pretend there isn’t a problem when there clearly is.

We hope your husband is different from this, but a man that thinks for himself and wants to solve the problems between you and his mother.

And no, we are by no means advising you that you should create a conflict between your husband and his mother, but he must understand that when he gets married, he must acknowledge you as his first priority.

All Things Considered

Your mother-in-law doesn’t have to be a monster-in-law. 

It is possible to have at least a decent relationship full of respect and understanding, to begin with. 

Your relationship may improve over time, and you can become closer and better understand each other.

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