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My Mother-in-Law Lives With Us, and I Hate it – What Should I Do?

It is no coincidence that mothers-in-law are the subject of various comedy films in which they are portrayed in a funny way.

But this is not far from the truth because you are dealing with a mother-in-law who seriously threatens your marriage. All those movies on that subject are not funny because they remind you too much of your situation.

Why do you hate to live with your mother-in-law? Because she doesn’t respect privacy, she is too needy, tries to establish control over your marriage, doesn’t respect boundaries, and is too judgmental.

Curious mother-in-law secretly listening

You probably have a lot of other reasons that we haven’t mentioned.

In any case, this situation is not naive and will only resolve itself by taking action.

If you have an overbearing mother-in-law like this, know that your marriage is in danger because it’s only a matter of time before you’ll want to pack your bags and leave.

When someone reads this, they immediately think about why you live with your mother-in-law in the first place. Because married couples should live independently, not with their parents.

That is true, but living with the mother-in-law is the only option due to unavoidable circumstances.

Therefore, please read this article to the end. We will give you tips on how to position yourself in this situation.

Why Do You Hate That Your Mother-in-Law Lives With You And Your Spouse? 5 Obvious Reasons

We must immediately point out that this article applies not only to the case of a mother from a husband or a mother from a wife but to both cases.

Because mothers who are too protective of their sons and treat them like husbands can be terrible mothers-in-law.

But also narcissistic mothers who don’t want to leave their daughters alone to live their own lives are not exactly perfect mother-in-law material.

Let’s see what the reasons why living with your MIL is hell for you are:

1. She Does Not Respect Privacy

This has to be the number one reason when describing an indecent mother-in-law.

Privacy? Private things? These are unknown things to her.

She’s always around and is ready to stick her nose into things that are not her competence.

Because of this, intimacy with your spouse can also suffer because their mother is always omnipresent. You don’t remember when you all had a relaxing evening without the mother-in-law’s interference.

You have constant anxiety about her because she’s always lurking to see what you’re doing, so she can comment.

You’ve also noticed that MIL loves foraging through your things when you’re not around. It also happened that when you left your laptop, she snooped in your email. 

This is already highly unacceptable behavior and a huge sign that this has to stop.

2. She Doesn’t Respect Boundaries

What boundaries? All of them!

When you and your partner talk about things that concern your marriage and your relationship, your mother-in-law interferes without hesitation.

You’re talking about important things about your future, and she jumps in and tells her opinion that no one asked for.

She also doesn’t hesitate to sit with your friends, even though no one has invited her. And as for her guests, she likes to invite them when you have a lot of work to do or come home tired from work, so she makes you extra chores.

3. She’s Judgemental

Your MIL is straightforward when she needs to judge someone, especially you.

She probably finds every possible flaw regarding you. So she comments that you need to learn how to cook well, that you could be a better housewife, and similar. “These women today, in her time, it was not like that before!” Oh, how this sentence drives you crazy.

Criticism is also possible in the opposite case. Then the husband is criticized for not having a good enough job, not being hardworking enough, and not doing enough around the house…

It is also possible that there is a complete disagreement between you and your mother-in-law. It is understandable because there are substantial generational differences, but a certain amount of mutual respect should exist.

But there is no respect and understanding from her side because she is ready to comment on your lifestyle, opinions, and views without hesitation.

4. She’s Too Needy

Your mother-in-law demands too much from you, but also from her child, your spouse.

She always needs something. It seems to you that she makes up things to be the center of attention.

Yes, it is clear that you are dealing with a narcissistic mother-in-law who is constantly making up some demands.

Even though you keep trying to please her because you respect her, it means nothing to her, and she keeps asking for more.

What particularly annoys you is that she needs to be the family’s favorite member and be admired by everyone.

She goes into victim mode if it’s even mentioned that you want to move to another place. Then she talks about how she can’t be alone without you, that you don’t respect her, and similar manipulative sentences.

5. She Makes Arguments Between You and Your Partner

This is highly alarming, and your marriage can go astray because of her behavior.

Her actions like this are the product of her being too controlling towards her child, so now she is like that towards you.

Also, a dominant reason can be that she thinks you are not good enough for her child and are a terrible influence on them, so she “defends” them.

She constantly talks bad things about you to your spouse, and in every way, she wants to show that you are not good enough for them.

What can make this situation much worse is if your partner falls under the toxic influence of their mother.

It is unpleasant when you notice that your partner respects you less or even talks bad about you and puts you down in front of their family. And all because of the mother-in-law.

How to Deal With Mother-in-Law Living With You? 5 Best Ways

You’re probably wondering how much longer you will last? And is it even possible to live with a mother-in-law without going completely insane?

Here are some solutions to make the situation more manageable:

1. Set Firm Boundaries

It’s time for your MIL to learn that she needs to respect certain boundaries.

She can’t interfere in the conversations between you and your partner, talk bad about you to them, try to separate you… These are all examples of extremely toxic behavior.

And under boundaries are meant those minor problems, for example, that your mother-in-law doesn’t wake you up if you want to sleep longer, and similar things that happen in your everyday life.

2. Be Direct but Respectful

Say directly what bothers you and how her behavior affects you.

It is clear that you are highly annoyed by your mother-in-law’s behavior. Still, you do not want to say any insults or anything that will permanently disrupt your relationship.

After all, it is your partner’s mother, so it is necessary to keep your relationship at a certain level, especially if you live together, then it is essential.

3. Stop Trying to Meet Her Expectations

When someone constantly measures every single thing you do and makes a big deal out of it, it can affect your self-confidence. It can even make you nervous and anxious because you can’t relax when you’re constantly being judged. 

Instead of falling into that mindset that you have to impress your mother-in-law, focus on what you need and want in your life

You don’t need to change yourself and step over your principles just so that someone will respect you more.

4. Talk to Your Partner About This Topic 

You’ve probably already talked about your partner’s mother’s behavior many times, but apparently, it’s not enough. 

Your partner must take a stand on this issue because their mother is causing it. They can’t pretend nothing is happening or take her side

What kind of immature partner allows their mom to interfere in their marriage?

5. Consider Moving Out

We already said at the beginning that the possibilities are such that you are forced to live with your mother-in-law.

But is it possible to change something? Your marriage and mental peace are at stake if absolutely nothing helps and your mother-in-law does not want to change.

If the reason why you and your partner live with their mother is of a financial nature, try to find a temporary solution, at least until the financial situation is better.

And what if the reason is that one partner is too attached to the mother and does not want to leave the parents’ home?

Here, a more serious conversation with your partner is needed because they must clearly understand the number one priority in marriage: you.

In Conclusion

Life with a mother-in-law does not have to be hell if you have clearly set boundaries, maintain mutual respect, and show understanding.

However, it is time to consider alternative living arrangements if that is impossible to achieve. Your partner must support you if they are ready for marriage and all it entails.

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