An in-law relationship is tricky and can be extremely difficult. No matter how close someone is with their in-laws, some difficulties and issues can always happen.
This is precisely the problem you, your husband, and your mother have.
No matter what your husband does, your mother has no mercy for him and always has a ready complaint.
Why does your mother constantly criticize your husband? Because she thinks he’s not good enough for you, that you deserve someone better, or because she’s too controlling and possessive.
This is a complex topic for you. You love your husband, and you think he is a great guy and deserves to be fully accepted by your mother.
Also, of course, you love your mother and care about her opinion.
You are in an awkward situation because you are fed up with your mother’s criticism of your husband and want her to stop. This article can help you with that.
Why Does Your Mother Constantly Criticize Your Husband? 4 Probable Reasons
Although mothers of sons are usually thought to be more critical of their wives, this can also be the case with mothers of daughters.
You probably think of that narcissistic mother-in-law from the movie “Monster-in-Law.” Can you compare your mother’s behavior to Jane Fonda’s behavior in that movie?
What are the potential reasons for her behavior:
1. Your Mother Thinks Your Husband Is Not Good Enough For You
It is entirely normal for your mother to want the best for you.
Although parents often have a good feeling about these things, it does not necessarily mean they are always right.
So, in this case, you adore your husband, and you think he is a good and valuable man who makes you happy. But your mother has a list of reasons why he’s not good enough for you.
Your mother acts as if you are some princess that can only be won by someone who meets all the criteria.
Here is a list of potential reasons why your mother thinks your husband is not good enough for you:
- He doesn’t come from a perfect family – What does an ideal family even mean, and according to whose standards? Although a lot comes from family, the family does not fully define a person, but this bothers your mother.
- He is not handsome enough for you – We understand that you are the most beautiful to your mother, but why would she even comment on your husband’s look? That’s weird. He must be good-looking to you, right?
- He doesn’t earn enough – That materialistic side of your mother comes through. She believes that your husband does not have enough money to support the family.
- He doesn’t help you enough around the house – Your mother is bothered by you doing most of the housework. That’s why she thinks your husband is lazy and immature.
- Cultural differences – We will assume that your mother is more traditional and old-fashioned. Cultural differences should not be a problem, especially when two people love each other.
All these reasons contribute to the fact that your mother thinks you deserve a much better husband, and she has no problem telling you, even when he is present.
2. Your Narcissistic Mother Hates Your Husband
Yes, it is unbearable for you that your mother hates your husband. It’s not just that she doesn’t like him; she straight-up hates him.
Come to think of it, she didn’t even give him a chance to get to know him better.
She wrote him off at the start. He didn’t meet her criteria, maybe he said something she didn’t like, and that was the end of it.
This may also be a consequence of some of her beliefs and the disappointments she experienced.
What does this behavior say about your mother? She is narcissistic and cares more about herself than others and her child’s happiness.
We can only imagine what it looks like when your mother and husband are in the same room. Surely she has many criticisms and complaints about him.
Although your husband tried to be understanding, we wouldn’t be surprised if he gave up and started avoiding her too.
3. Your Mother is Too Controlling of You
Looking at your childhood and life, you can conclude that your mother has always been overly controlling.
She always had to have insight into where and what you were doing, but she also had your entire life planned out in advance.
Your mother must have wanted you to finish a good university, find a good job, have a successful career, and marriage can come after that.
You may have skipped some of the steps she imposed on you and surprised her by marrying and becoming a mother early. Perhaps most of all, she is annoyed by your decision to be a housewife until the children are grown.
Her perfect plan for your life has failed, and she blames it all on your husband.
Your mother thinks that your husband restricts and limits you instead of realizing that you are happy with all the decisions you make with your husband.
4. Your Mother is Afraid That You Will Spend Less Time With Her
This is a usual reason on the one hand, but on the other hand, it can have something from all of the above mentioned.
It can be difficult for parents when their child is grown up, no longer dependent on them, living their own life, and making their own decisions.
Isn’t that the point? Children should become adults who will be responsible for themselves, but of course, they should not forget about their parents.
That’s precisely what your mother fears: you won’t have time for her like before. That’s why she chooses harmful methods of behavior, such as criticizing your husband or playing the victim card and constantly telling you that you forgot her.
Criticizing your husband may be a way for her to assert her influence and remain involved in your life.
She probably criticized your husband the most because he suggested that you move to another city where you will have more opportunities and be better off. Your mother experienced it as if he was separating you from her.
How to Deal With Your Mother Who Always Criticizes Your Husband?
We understand you want your mother to stop criticizing your husband and respect him more. And you are afraid that such behavior of hers can affect your marriage because your husband is also uncomfortable.
Here’s what you need to do:
1. Talk to Your Husband
Review the whole situation with your husband.
Maybe your husband is too polite and doesn’t want to tell you how he feels because of your mother’s constant criticism.
So ask him how he feels about it. He probably feels hurt and disrespected and would rather spend time with his parents than your mother.
If you live with your mother, it may be time to consider moving out because married couples are better off living alone without their parents.
2. Don’t Let Your Husband and Mother Argue With Each Other
What if your husband is fed up with your mother’s criticisms and decides to respond to them?
This is the worst possible scenario because your husband can also say some harsh words, which will only prolong the disagreement with your mother.
That’s why you’re here to be between them, not to let the situation escalate into an argument, because the differences will only deepen.
It’s your mother, so you must talk to her, not your husband.
3. Set Firm Boundaries
We come to the most crucial point.
You must set boundaries for your mother about what she can and can’t talk about your husband.
It’s not up to her to constantly criticize and belittle him, and you won’t put up with that.
Let your mother know that you will see her less and talk on the phone less if she doesn’t stop behaving like that. We understand it is your mother, but you have the absolute right to withdraw from a conversation you don’t like.
If none of this makes a difference, you can cut off contact with her because if she doesn’t respect your husband, she obviously doesn’t respect you.
What Really Matters is,
Who comes first to you: Your husband or your mother?
It’s clear that they are both important in their own way and that you love them both.
Your husband comes first now, and if you still didn’t understand that, then maybe you weren’t ready for marriage. When you get married, you start a new family with your husband, and your mother should respect and support that.
Sometimes the situation is such that you will have to make difficult decisions because you are forced to do so.
Let your mother know that it is off-limits for her to devalue your husband and that she should stop that if she wants to continue to be a part of your life.