An overly critical spouse is not uncommon.
These criticisms may start small, but they can become constant and unbearable.
In this case, your wife is the ruthless critic, and you are the target of criticism.
Your wife questions and criticizes everything you do because she is unsatisfied with you. Still, she is also not confident with herself and draws deeper insecurities that she vents with criticism.
You may wonder how much longer you can take this constant questioning of everything you do.
It really bothers you that everything you say or do has to be questioned.
Where there is a lot of questioning, there is also a lot of criticism.
That makes you feel small and insecure.
What to do? Does that marriage have a future, given the circumstances?
We will find out in this article.
Your Wife Questions Everything You Do? 5 Possible Reasons
Various reasons can make her behave this way, from her personality to your behavior.
Try to find your wife in one of the following reasons:
1. Your Wife Likes to Criticize Everything
You know those critics who have to criticize everything? Maybe your wife is one of those.
When you think about it, criticism is popular nowadays, and everyone wants to criticize something.
Movies, music, and other people’s work are criticized. Everything is subject to criticism, especially online.
Maybe your wife also fell under that trend.
Does she also have to criticize everything?
It is especially bad when she criticizes other people’s lives.
For example, she has a comment for everyone: who earns how much, who hasn’t had children yet, and similar.
Such critics feel powerful and important when they criticize something.
Usually, those who are too involved in other people’s lives neglect their own.
Your wife is addicted to criticism and questioning, so don’t be surprised that you are also the subject of her objection.
Your wife is probably an incurable contrarian who has to respond to everything oppositely.
You know how it is with contrarians, they have a comment on everything, and they always have to be right.
2. Your Wife Has Been Used to Criticism Since Childhood
She may have picked up such behavior patterns from an early age.
If her parents constantly criticized her since she was little, it’s no wonder she criticizes everything now.
Over-controlling parents who are full of comments and criticism create such children.
You sometimes feel like she is your parent questioning everything you do.
It goes so far that you feel like you need to ask her permission to do something, and the worst part is that it is not far from the truth.
Her attitude has influenced you so much that you also question everything you do.
Even for the most random things like grocery shopping, you feel panicked. Did you buy the right thing, and what would your wife say about it?
3. Your Wife is Not Happy With You
The fact that she is unsatisfied with you gives her a great reason to question everything you do.
And what is she so unhappy about? What are you doing so badly?
Here are a few typical examples:
Your Wife is Unhappy With Your Job
Does your wife hate your job?
This is a common cause of arguments in marriage.
She thinks that you made a mistake when you left your previous job and that you are now doing a job that makes you depressed, and that you are passing it on to her.
Maybe she thinks you earn little, work a lot, and need to be more motivated to find a better job.
Your Wife is Unhappy With How Much You Are Involved in Household Chores
If you knew how many marriages break up because of housework, you wouldn’t take it lightly.
A new study conducted by Harvard Business School suggests that as many as 25% of married couples end their relationship over chores.
So don’t be surprised when your wife questions your decision to spend a peaceful afternoon playing video games after work; while the house is a mess and she needs help cleaning it up.
Your Wife Thinks You Are a Bad Father
Questioning whether you are a good father can be especially painful for you.
Your wife thinks you don’t spend enough time with the kids and don’t participate enough in their upbringing.
All difficult decisions regarding kids must fall on her.
She is a strict parent, while you have a more casual approach to children.
4. Your Wife is Dissatisfied With Herself
So why doesn’t she question herself but only you?
She may constantly be fighting within herself without you even noticing.
Her defense mechanism against things that bother her is to be negative, critical, and questioning towards you.
And what is really bothering her?
The reasons can be numerous.
Mostly it is dissatisfaction with life and high expectations that have not been met.
The fact that your wife questions everything can be a sign that she is too much of a perfectionist.
And you know that perfectionists know how to make a scene for every little thing, let alone something big.
Perfectionists are never satisfied unless everything is on their terms.
But underneath all that can be various insecurities, lack of self-confidence, imposter syndrome, and so on.
People who are the first to criticize and the loudest are often the most insecure.
Where are you in that story?
Everything you do is not enough, and you must work harder to meet her high standards.
5. Your Wife Questions Everything Because of Previous Experiences
Everyone learns from their past experiences, and your wife learns from hers.
Did she have any bad relationships before you and big disappointments?
Also, did you contribute to her not trusting you?
You wonder how; let’s say you forgot your marriage anniversary, and now she keeps asking you not to forget.
Or when you had your weird phase, you wanted to quit your job and do nothing because you thought you could live that way.
An even worse example is if you made her embarrassed, jealous, or in the worst case, cheated on her.
Now she can think you’re lying even when you’re telling the truth.
Don’t be surprised that she doesn’t believe you respect boundaries with female colleagues, only if it was once proven that you crossed the line.
What to Do When Your Wife Questions Everything You Do? 3 Steps for Solution
You have no problem with criticism directed at you, but your wife’s behavior is too much for you.
Her constant questioning of a strict parent must change.
Take these steps:
1. Ask Yourself if Your Wife is Right
It is always best to start with yourself rather than point the finger at others.
Does her questioning and criticizing you make sense?
Don’t judge her if you made her doubt you and your actions too often.
When she still has to remind you to do everything, what else can you expect then?
But it’s also not okay that she keeps putting you down because of something in the past.
If you got over something and she forgave you, she shouldn’t keep bothering you about it.
2. Tell Her How You Feel About Her Constant Questioning
It’s time for a long and honest conversation.
It can be annoying, frustrating, and demoralizing when someone questions everything you do.
You also feel small and insignificant and doubt yourself.
The whole point of marriage is to make us feel comfortable with our spouse.
Tell her that you are not against healthy criticism in marriage.
But that’s why you think that constant questioning of everything you do by your wife can lead to the end of your marriage.
You are uncomfortable when your wife is a strict parent or a police officer who only wants to punish you.
3. Understand Your Wife and Offer to Help Her
Just like that, you must understand why she over-questions everything you do.
You may do everything right, but she always finds fault with you and questions everything you do.
Now, we are not here to judge who is right. We advise you to do the same in both cases.
Understand your wife and help her.
What insecurities and disappointments are hidden in her.
If she is dissatisfied with her life, you are here to help her.
To begin with, be there for her, then make a small, nice gesture.
Take her to the restaurant or movies, and then try to solve what bothers her.
That is one of the points of marriage, overcoming problems together and becoming stronger.
“A healthy relationship will provide answers, not generate more questions.”
No one likes to have their actions constantly questioned.
Your wife has the right to ask questions, but the situation must not come to the point where you cannot relax because of her criticism.
It is up to you not to let her constant questions shake your marriage, to work to change something that is up to you.
But also help your wife understand that she does not always have to burden herself with questions but to enjoy her marriage with you. Good luck!