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People Who Talk Too Much Are (Often) Insecure

Communication is an integral part of our lives. Language is what separates us from animals.

We have an incredibly rich system of symbols that allows us to express such an abundance of feelings, experiences, and ideas.

girl talking and drink coffee on the river

Yet, we don’t have the need to put everything we experience into words and share it with others.

So, what could be the reason why some people talk too much?

The truth is, in many cases, people who talk too much are insecure. Of course, not every person who talks too much is insecure, but insecurity is often the main reason for such behavior.

Let’s see exactly how you can recognize that insecurity is the reason behind someone’s excessive talking.

The Need to Always Be in the Spotlight 

Some people grew up believing that nobody would love them if they were not the center of attention.

In their family environment, they usually felt like they needed to amuse everyone if they wanted to get any attention at all.

They may feel incredibly lonely and abandoned if they are not in communication with someone, so naturally, they put a lot of effort into maintaining their relationships, even the most superficial ones.

Talking to them is a way to control the situation and attract the attention they crave.

These people typically don’t listen carefully to others. They are so focused on telling their story, view, and experience that they don’t even notice when others are tired of listening.

They may often be amusing to be around, but the problem with them is that they don’t know when to stop.

Silence is terrifying for them. It makes them feel like they are left alone in the world, and since they can’t stand being alone, they have to talk their way through life. 

Unfulfilled Ambitions 

Bored girl listening to her friend

When a person has a lot of unrealized ambitions or believes that they could have achieved a lot more but didn’t due to external circumstances, they may feel the urge to take every opportunity they have to talk about themselves.

In a way, talking about themselves satisfies their need for self-realization.

The real reason behind their need to talk too much is not that they haven’t realized their ambitions, but that they believe that only successful/talented/professionally accomplished people are worthy.

If you listen carefully, you will notice that they somehow find a way to make every conversation about them.

What they want to say and what they actually constantly repeat in different ways is how talented they are and how they could have also been just as successful if only they had a chance.

The core of their insecurity lies in the belief that only if you are gifted/talented/genius or special in some other way are you good enough. 

Fear of Real Intimacy 

Light conversations are a great way to keep people at a safe distance and hide what you are feeling.

It sounds absurd, but some people use talking as a way to avoid getting closer to other people.

They stuff conversations with unnecessary details without leaving the other person a chance to think about what is said.

People around these individuals easily get tired of these monologues and consequently withdraw from communication.

People who talk too much to avoid real connection are very insecure about themselves and often believe they are not good enough for anyone to be really interested in them.

Therefore, they hide both their needs and their feelings behind meaningless conversations. 

Lack of Attunement  

Some people feel deeply misunderstood on an emotional level.

They are often not even aware of this. They constantly feel the urge to overexplain everything they think, feel, and do like they have a responsibility to justify their existence to everyone around them.

These people often have no experience of being understood and taken seriously while growing up, so they are very insecure when connecting with other people.

They simply feel like they have to try hard to establish a connection because no one will really understand them.

They have difficulty attuning to other people’s needs as they are concerned with their unfulfilled need for understanding. This lack of attunement to their environment only makes them feel even more insecure. 

Seeking Approval and Validation

The dependency on other people’s opinions is one of the most alarming signs that a person is deeply insecure.

Some people talk excessively just to earn the approval of others, even before they even question themselves if they approve of others too.

They feel the urge to win over every person in the room, so they talk and talk until they feel validated.

But since the security they need can only be found within themselves, they continue talking as they feel they can never get enough approval and validation. 

How to Deal with People Who Talk Too Much

happy friends on the vacation

You have to know that you are not responsible for how other people feel. Everyone is responsible for their own feelings.

It is your job to protect your boundaries, and if a conversation drags on for way longer than you want to spend on it, you can simply say that you are out of time/energy or have some other task you have to dedicate yourself to.

The excessive talker will just move on to the next potential listener, and it will in no way be damaging for them to let them know that you are not interested in listening to them any longer. 

Wrapping it All Up 

There are many more reasons besides insecurity that cause people to talk excessively.

Self-confident people usually sense other people’s insecurities, however hard they try to hide behind excessive talking.

It is possible to stay kind and keep your boundaries at the same time, and the key to doing so lies in understanding.

If you let yourself understand the motives of people who talk too much, it will be much easier for you to spend time with them and handle them with care.