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No One Talks to Me Unless I Talk to Them: 4 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Worry

The way we communicate and interact with each other has dramatically changed over the last few decades.

We have many new ways to meet and interact with others, yet people don’t seem less lonely.

If you often find yourself in a situation where no one talks to you unless you speak with them, you should first know that everything is OK with you.

happy friends on the vacation

There are plenty of reasons you are always the one starting the conversation, and there are also many reasons why that may not be such a bad thing.

If the conversation develops nicely and you see that the other person enjoys the conversation, you really shouldn’t be bothered with who started it.

Still, let’s see what could be the cause of such a pattern in your life:

You Seem Strong, and People Subconsciously Expect You to Initiate Conversation

Many people who look confident and easy-going are struggling with starting conversations, and if they see that you are always willing to be the one breaking the ice, that will be a huge relief to them.

If you are recognized as a strong person that everyone can rely on, it shouldn’t come as a surprise that everyone expects you to initiate everything.

Strong people often avoid sharing their feelings and needs with others, so others perceive these people don’t share common weaknesses and may even feel intimidated to start a conversation with them.

Take a moment to think about how often you share your vulnerability with the people in your life.

If your answer is rarely or never, that’s probably why people always expect you to start a conversation – they don’t see how you feel and what you need simply because you never share or talk about it

Some People Need You to Need Them

Successful young business people are talking and smiling during the coffee break in office

Some people in your life may try to control the relationship they have with you by always leaving it up to you to initiate contact.

These people have a need to feel superior to others. They can accept themselves only when they feel needed.

It shouldn’t worry you if this kind of person does not start a conversation with you. They do not start a conversation with anyone.

They try hard to look attractive in different ways so that others will come to them.

Everything is a power struggle. If they feel they can’t control you, be sure you will not be on their list of people who are desirable for hanging around. 

You Seem Unavailable 

Sometimes, the reason for this pattern boils down to your image. Maybe your facial expression or body language signals you are unavailable.

It is well known that about 80% of communication is nonverbal, so you start communicating with others before you speak.

We all subconsciously read other people’s body language, and we usually feel what we can expect from others.

Sometimes we adopt the posture and facial expression of our parents or someone we have spent a lot of time with, and unknowingly that becomes a part of our personality.

If your body tells others one story and your words don’t follow, people around you may find you very confused.

The same will happen if your words say one thing and your body language says completely another.

If this sounds like you, you may start by analyzing your body language and what body language is used by the people around you that you want to look up to. You may also think about how well you express yourself in general. 

It Is Just a Habit

bored woman dining with friends

People get used to the behavior of other people.

If you constantly find yourself initiating conversations, others may simply recognize that as your usual behavior and accept that you are the one who starts the conversation when you are around.

Yes, sometimes it is as simple as that, and there’s no need to go into a philosophical and psychological analysis of your personality or the people around you.

And just as simply, you can tell others that you would like someone to initiate a conversation with you from time to time. 

Why Does It Bother You If No One Talks to You Unless You Talk to Them 

If people generally respond well to your initiative and the conversation flows naturally, you really have nothing to worry about.

They are probably too involved in their own problems and don’t find it relevant to think about who started the conversation.

If this still bothers you, it would be wise to create a list of people you would like to talk more with and map the situations in which you would like them to address you. 

If the people you care about literally never reach out to you and you always have to initiate contact, it is normal that this bothers you.

But, a relationship is never based on a single detail, so it is likely that it is not just that one detail that bothers you.

Are you surrounded by people who share similar interests, who get you, and who you can rely on? And if you are, does it really matter who starts the conversation?

But, if you are surrounded by people with whom you have nothing in common, the question is, why do you find it necessary to start talking to them? 

Wrapping It All Up 

girl talking and drink coffee on the river

Before you jump to the conclusion that no one talks to you unless you talk to them, consider carefully where you are in life at the moment, who are the people around you, and where you actually want to be. 

The more you focus on what interests you, the more interesting you become, and the more people around you become interested in you.

Investing in a relationship with yourself is an investment that always pays off.