Whether we want to admit it or not, arguments are part of any relationship or marriage and cannot be avoided completely.
You and your partner love each other, you are sure of that, and you have no doubts about your love. However, despite all that love, your relationship has constant arguments, after which you feel bad.
Why do you and your partner always fight even though you love each other? Because your arguments are not constructive, you don’t argue healthily and respectfully, and you don’t get to the root of the problem; therefore, the solution to the problem is missing.
You fear for the future of your relationship because of these frequent arguments.
Is this a sign that your relationship is in danger of breaking up? The answer is both yes and no.
Frequent arguments between partners in which no solution is achieved but only deepens the problems can signify that the relationship has no future.
However, according to The Guardian, a survey that included nearly 1,000 adults discovered that pairs who said they argued were 10 times more likely to be happy together than those who tiptoed around their problems and shunned conflict.
The key is that arguments should be constructive, healthy, and lead to a solution to the problem, and the goal of this article is to give you advice on how to achieve that.
Why Do You And Your Partner Always Fight? 5 Most Common Reasons
How is it possible that arguments occupy a considerable place in your relationship?
The most straightforward answer to why you are constantly fighting is that issues are not getting resolved. Problems remain unresolved, and then you keep coming back to them.
If arguments are not constructive in the relationship, it means that communication in the relationship itself is an issue in addition to the actual problem.
What are the most common causes of arguments in relationships:
1. Chores and Responsibilities
Unwashed dishes, a pile of clothes on the furniture, chaos in the bathroom… Are these scenes already raising your anger levels?
Although more serious reasons that lead to arguments between couples come to mind, such “small” problems are the most common causes of heated fights.
When couples are asked what they argue about the most, they usually answer about stupid things.
Well, these are the stupid things they think of then. And are these constant arguments about chores really that dangerous? We will only say that they are one of the main reasons marriages don’t last.
Behind such quarrels lies the fact that one partner believes that the other does not respect him enough, that they are lazy and unmotivated, that they do not try hard enough, and similar.
How many fights in relationships are just because of jealousy?
The huge question is whether this jealousy is justified.
Because if the partner gives a reason for jealousy, it is no wonder the other partner will make jealous scenes.
For example, if a husband does not respect the boundaries of decent behavior at work, the wife will be jealous. Likewise, if the partner makes inappropriate comments about the other person.
However, jealousy can be a huge indicator of personal insecurities and immaturity.
People that are too insecure in relationships will follow their partner, and be too controlling, paranoid, and similar, even though there is no reason for jealousy.
Clearly, this will lead to heated arguments.
3. Affection and Intimacy
In fact, the lack of these terms is the problem for a successful relationship.
What if one partner doesn’t show enough affection to the other?
We can take as an example a husband who forgets important dates and stops surprising his wife with gifts. There is a general opinion that men change in marriage.
Or take the example of a wife who says she loves her husband but doesn’t show it. Instead, she is cold and unsupportive toward him.
It is clear that in such conditions, arguments will quickly occur.
4. Money and Future Plans
Money is not essential for love, that’s true, but then how come there are constant fights over money?
Arguments over who spends more and being reckless with money.
It’s not just money at stake here; it’s also about the entire future of the couple.
Planning for the future can be stressful, and there can be various disagreements between partners. From where they will live, what kind of work they do, to how many children they plan to have.
Different views on the future can be the cause of arguments and conflicts.
5. Control and Dominance
Although there is no need for control and domination in healthy relationships, it still happens.
This can be related to jealousy, immaturity, and the partner’s urge to always be right and have everything their way. Of course, there will be arguments in this kind of relationship.
It is characteristic that the partners in this kind of relationship also use various mind games to reach their goals. It can be manipulation, playing the victim, gaslighting, ghosting, stonewalling, etc.
A common reason for such arguments is if one partner thinks they are better than the other and should be in charge of everything.
From choosing a movie to watch to choosing where to go on vacation, it is not a good situation if the partners always disagree.
Is Arguing Good For a Relationship?
Before you get too scared that your relationship is in jeopardy, we must tell you that even though constant arguing is a red flag that something is wrong with the relationship, it can be good for the relationship.
You don’t believe us? Here’s why arguments are actually good for relationships:
Arguing is a sign of a mature relationship
When partners argue, the relationship becomes more serious and further develops.
New situations in a relationship can bring new problems. But when issues are resolved in a healthy way, both partners win.
Arguments are an indication that partners care
“The biggest mistake that couples make is avoidance.”
It is impossible that no fight ever happens in a relationship. Is there any emotion there at all?
If couples never fight, it is a sign that something is wrong.
Arguing shows that we care about the relationship and want to change something.
By arguing, we make the relationship better
Of course, if the argument is constructive. In this way, after a fight, we realize that we need to change something we are doing badly or let our partner know they need to change something.
In any case, what troubles us no longer stays only with us but is shared with our partner.
How to Have a Healthy Argument With Your Partner? 5 Tips
All these benefits of arguing fall into the water if the argument is unhealthy and does not lead to a solution but deepens the problems even more or creates new ones.
To actually make arguing in your relationship constructive, apply these tips:
1. Respect Your Partner
You know that in an argument, we often say something we don’t mean, which can significantly offend our partner and make us regret it later.
It is best to completely avoid calling each other names, insulting, cursing, etc.
Just as you don’t want to be disrespected, neither does your partner. Remember that the next time you argue.
2. Apologize If You Are Wrong
Although the actions are more important than the apology itself, the apology is the first step toward making things right.
Know that apologizing doesn’t make you weak. It makes you mature because you are willing to accept and correct your mistakes.
And don’t give false apologies, after which you will continue to do the same thing that led to the argument.
3. Stick to The Point
What is the specific topic of the argument? Stick to it!
There is no point in going back in time and complaining to your partner about something that happened a long time ago.
In this way, you only open old wounds that should have remained in the past and distract attention from the current topic.
4. Leave Your Ego Out
If you enter an argument with your partner to win and prove that you are right and they are wrong, you will achieve nothing.
Playing mind games with a partner, and the need to control and dominate, are all characteristics of a person who is not mature in a relationship and is not ready to see the bigger picture.
5. Focus on The Solution
This is the most important tip.
Every quarrel should lead to the problem’s solution and strengthen the relationship. After the fight, you should love each other more.
So ask your partner what the problem is, what they want you to do, or say what you want them to change.
To Conclude: How Do You Avoid Arguments in a Relationship?
“Real relationship doesn’t mean no fight. We fight, but after that, we forgive each other and start loving each other more than before.”
No matter how hard you try, you cannot avoid arguments in a relationship. And you shouldn’t because arguments are better than complete avoidance.
It is important how you approach the argument the next time because if you and your partner really love each other so much, you can come out stronger from every fight if you remember to respect each other and focus on the solution.