“Look up to her, honey!”
No woman wants to hear these words from her husband.
Comparisons evoke agitated feelings-jealousy, insecurity, and worry.
Indeed you may wonder if another woman is better than you.
Your confidence becomes worse and more unstable. Also, it can reflect poorly on your marriage.
Why does your husband always compare you to his friend’s wife? He may want to improve you that way. On the other hand, he may be emotionless or egocentric.
When your husband tells you something like that, you question everything.
Are you bright enough, pretty, and successful? Those are just some of the doubts that start to bother you.
Please don’t allow him to awaken your insecurity.
Why Does My Husband Compare Me to Others?
It can be hurtful when your husband constantly compares you to others. Especially when he compares you to other women.
You may feel you need to improve yourself immediately. But think twice before you drop your confidence.
Firstly, recognize that comparing doesn’t reflect your worth or value.
No matter how hard you try, you must always be better for a demanding partner. You don’t have to do that.
However, it’s essential to understand why your husband is making these comparisons.
We will help you to address the issue constructively.
Here are five reasons why your husband may compare you to his others.
1. He Wants to Motivate You
Sometimes, your husband may compare you to others to help you.
He may see qualities in his friend’s wife that he wishes you had.
So, he believes that comparing you to her will motivate you to change.
This approach is not helpful and can be hurtful.
There will always be someone more lovely and successful than us.
However, your husband probably has no bad intentions. He wants to motivate you that way. But you may experience it as criticism.
Also, it can easily arouse jealousy and mistrust.
You may say, “He likes her more than me.”
In any case, your husband should choose his words more carefully.
Instead of comparing you to other women, he should focus only on your acts.
Also, your husband should communicate with you directly about the qualities he wishes you had.
For example, instead of “Look how she is handsome and fit, but you are not,” He should say, “Would you like to start exercising? It would contribute to your health and look”.
The essence of these two sentences is the same. Your husband wants to motivate you to exercise.
But the emotions they evoke are entirely different. The second form is much more acceptable.
If your husband sent you such a carefully worded suggestion, your reaction would be appropriate.
That way, it can motivate you to exercise. Comparison with other women certainly won’t.
2. He’s Insecure
Your husband may compare you to his friend’s wife because he’s insecure.
So, he is trying to humiliate you by highlighting the positive qualities of others.
Also, he may be seeing your attention.
By pointing out the positive qualities of others, he will make you jealous.
That’s how he attracts and demands your attention.
However, this approach can cause unnecessary stress and problems.
It often happens that jealousy destroys a marriage.
Try to address all insecurities and work together to build trust.
3. Narcissists Are All Around Us.
“Narcissus does not fall in love with his reflection because it is beautiful but because it is his.”– W. H. Auden
Narcissists are in love with themselves, and it is obvious. They have boosted a sense of self-esteem and uniqueness.
The value of their personality is unrealistic. They are usually egocentric and selfish.
Also, they often fantasize about unlimited success, extraordinary abilities, or beauty.
People with narcissistic personalities constantly seek praise, admiration, and attention.
You may recognize some of these traits in your husband.
They Desire Attractive Partners
Narcissists are preoccupied with the impression they leave on the environment. They tend to be in the company of cool people.
So, he expects you would conform to his standards. That’s why he compares you with other women.
You may also worry if he is talking wrong about you to his friends.
Consider whether it is worth staying in a relationship with a narcissistic partner. Review whether your values and attitudes match.
However, it is not always easy to recognize a narcissist. People often think those people have good self-confidence.
So, you are probably not sure if your husband is a narcissist. We will list some of the main characteristics.
- Excessive sense of self-esteem
- Preoccupation with fantasies of boundless success, power, and beauty
- They believe that they are “special.”
- They expect others to agree with their wishes automatically
- Lack of empathy
- Arrogant, haughty behavior and attitude
4. He’s Trying to Manipulate You
Sometimes, your husband may compare you to others because he’s trying to manipulate you.
He may use the comparisons to control you and make you feel bad.
If your husband uses these comparisons to control you, please be careful.
Keep Out of Toxic Relationships
Unfortunately, toxic relationships are a frequent occurrence.
That is why you need help and support from a trusted friend or professional.
Sometimes it is necessary to ask someone else’s opinion if you are unsure whether you are mistaken.
5. He Needs to Realize the Impact
Lastly, your husband may need to realize the impact it makes. He doesn’t understand why it’s hurtful.
Sometimes people just don’t have the feeling that their actions hurt others.
Try to explain how his comparisons are affecting you.
You can find a way to address the issue and improve your relationship.
You Can Only Compare Yourself to Your Previous Self
In conclusion, comparing to others can be so hurtful.
It’s essential to understand why your husband is making these comparisons.
But you don’t need to respond to all his complaints.
All of us have different predispositions. We were born into different families and environments.
Also, we have different financial capabilities. Some physical characteristics we cannot change no matter how hard we try.
Are you still wondering why your husband compares you to his friend’s wife? You’d better stop.
After all, someone will always be more attractive and successful than us.
We can compare only when we want to motivate ourselves. But never because of other people’s complaints.