There is a saying, “If there were no parents, there would be no psychologist,” and we can agree.
Parents are the ones who are expected to raise their children in the best way.
But such a great responsibility can also bring inevitable mistakes, which reflect on the child.
That’s why now, as an adult, you ask yourself: Why did my parents ruin my life?
The answer to that question is highly complex because it can involve some more extreme cases of abuse. Still, mostly it’s about the parents not being there when they should have been, overcontrolling parents, and parents who did not support children in their dreams.
We understand this is a tough topic for you, and we are sorry if you have experienced any abuse.
But to move on, you need some clarity about why your parents were like that, and maybe they are still the same.
That is why we will carefully approach this difficult topic.
How Do Parents Ruin Their Children’s Lives? 5 Most Common Ways
Some people are simply not parent material; they are not even decent human beings.
Therefore, we will not list examples of more extreme physical and mental abuse because we believe that it is clear what consequences it has on the child.
Here we are talking about slightly more complex cases when parents may think they are doing a good job, but it turns out they are wrong.
Such examples are:
1. Overcontrolling Parents
Parents must have some form of control over their children, especially when they are young.
But it’s easy to lose the boundaries of that control, and we often end up with the concept of helicopter parenting.
In this form of parenting, parents are excessively focused on children and behave overly protectively.
With this form of parenting, the child is left with very little independence and, therefore, may struggle with self-confidence.
Such parents behave like this mainly out of excessive fear for the child’s safety, but with all this concern, they are doing him a disservice.
It is common for these parenting patterns to continue when the child grows up.
That’s why it seems to you that your parents still control your life and that you can’t achieve independence because of them.
You probably blame your parents for not preparing you for everything adult life entails.
2. Narcissistic Parents
We know all the main characteristics of a narcissist, such as a huge ego, lack of empathy, and the need to constantly be the center of attention.
Narcissists are to be avoided in general, but what if the narcissist is the person who should be the least self-centered, and that is your parent.
Parenting is all about putting yourself second for the child’s sake, but narcissistic parents will still put themselves first.
This kind of parent probably won’t change his lifestyle too much because of the baby because he doesn’t want his child to disturb him from living his best life.
Even now that you’re grown up and trying to live your own life, narcissistic parents won’t leave you alone.
There is still a need for constant drama, for which you have no more patience.
3. Overly Permissive Parents
The characteristic of permissive parenting is that parents essentially do not neglect their child but do not instill any attitude towards obligations and discipline.
You must have had a great time when you were a kid if your parents were like this.
Your parents didn’t make you eat greens, you ate sweets instead, and you could watch cartoons and play video games all night.
All this was great in childhood, but now you feel the ill effects of it.
Your parents are not there to do things for you anymore, and you’ve faced the cruel reality of life that you were spared from as a child.
By that harsh reality of life, we mean that you should take responsibility for your life.
You know, things like finding a job and realizing that others won’t do everything you want.
This is difficult for you because you are too used to relying on others, thanks to your parents.
4. Parents Who Do Not Support You
And in this example, your parents thought they were doing the best for you to have a decent life and future.
Parents should do all that, but something is still missing.
They were never there for you when you told them about your interests and dreams.
Instead, they just wanted to put you in the classic system, school, college, and 9-5 job, without any questions about what you want.
Maybe they didn’t even support some of your interests, such as music or art, because “those aren’t real jobs.”
Unfortunately, you succumbed to such attitudes of your parents, and now you are working a dead-end job that you hate.
You would be much happier today if you listened more to yourself instead of doing everything your parents tell you.
5. Parents Who Are Too Strict
“You are grounded” do these words still ring in your head?
You’ve probably heard them too many times.
Parents want the best in life for their children, but overly strict parents can do the exact opposite.
A parent has the right to establish rules and discipline, considering the child’s age.
But all that excessive discipline can backfire.
You probably had the strictest schedule as a teenager when you were allowed to come home from a night out with friends.
Speaking of friends, your strict parents interfered in your friendships and told you who you could hang out with and who you couldn’t.
If you add that your parents are perfectionists, we have a recipe for disaster.
In addition to having the best grades in your class, you also had to attend a lot of extracurriculars.
All that created an overly competitive spirit in you, so even today, you have difficulty accepting defeat.
If your life isn’t as perfect as you planned, you probably consider yourself a loser because you didn’t meet all of your parent’s expectations.
How to Deal With The Fact That Your Parents Ruined Your Life?
The thought that your parents ruined your life is tough, and we are sure it is not easy for you to deal with that.
But know that you can overcome it and be the person you want to be today.
Here are some tips that can help you in the process:
1. Forgive And Forget
We know it’s hard to forgive some things, but know that you’re doing it for yourself.
Various bad memories come to mind: your parents didn’t support you to be a musician, interfered in your relationships, and weren’t there when you won the gold medal in the school marathon.
You have nothing from wallowing in the past.
Although you may feel that they don’t deserve to forgive them, you are doing it for yourself.
If you don’t leave the past where it belongs in the past, you will never move on.
2. Try to Understand Your Parents
Indeed, they weren’t there for the most part when you were growing up.
But what if they had to work too much to provide you with a better future.
Maybe they didn’t know better because they inherited those parenting patterns from their parents.
If you know they at least wanted the best for you, you don’t have to be too hard on them because they had the wrong methods.
Many parenting methods that were current when you were a child are now proving to be wrong. Your parents simply didn’t know better.
3. Set Clear Boundaries
If you feel that controlling parents have ruined your life, you don’t have to put up with it anymore.
You are an adult, and you are responsible for yourself.
The same goes for criticism and too much poking into your private life.
Explain to them that they can be in your life, but in a way that you allow them and in which they will not limit you and make you feel bad.
If your parents don’t care about you and your words, it’s not your fault if you don’t want them in your life.
4. Take Good Care of Yourself
It is clear that parents’ bad behavior can have consequences for the child.
You probably have problems with self-confidence and general dissatisfaction.
Take care of yourself and your physical and mental health.
You can see a therapist who will connect your problems with your parents.
Because as we said at the beginning of the article, everything starts with the parents.
To Conclude – You Are The Owner of Your Happiness
We all carry some emotional scars, but that doesn’t mean it should limit us.
Don’t let yourself be limited if you have bad parents.
Instead, turn your weakness into your strength.
It’s never too late to chase your dreams and be happy.
Your life is not ruined. It is yours to make it just how you want it to be. Good luck!