Although you always want the best for your husband, he often complains about your behavior.
What specifically bothers him is that you act like you are his mother and not like you are his wife.
This is, unfortunately, a common cause of arguments in your marriage, and you wonder if the problem is with you or your husband.
And why does your husband complain that you act like you are his mother? Because you control him too much, you don’t let him make his own choices, and you feel the need to constantly nag him.
These are all characteristics of a strict parent.
Your answer is that if you didn’t act like that, he probably wouldn’t be able to do anything because he is too immature.
In any case, this is a very awkward situation that negatively affects your marriage. Therefore, let’s go deeper into the topic in the continuation of this article.
Why Do You Feel Like You Have to Parent Your Husband? 4 Reasons
Before we say how your mothering of your husband manifests itself, we must also mention the reasons that make you do it.
Those reasons are:
1. Your Husband Is Immature
Do you have a classic example of a man who doesn’t want to grow up? This is probably a case of Peter Pan syndrome?
This pop-psychology term describes people who have a hard time growing up. Although women can also suffer from it, it is typically associated with men.
Your husband is a boy in a grown man’s body. Even though you liked this before with him, now it’s really getting on your nerves.
This type of person prefers to live in a fantasy world and expects adults to do everything for him. Those adults before you were his parents who did not prepare him well for adult life.
Now you are the primary adult in his life. You’re expected to do all those boring grown-up things like making lunch, cleaning the house, paying the bills, and making important decisions in your marriage.
If you have children, your husband is like another child to you.
All that matters to your husband is that he can go to his room and play video games all day and leave you to deal with those boring, grown-up things.
2. Your Husband Is Irresponsible
Although some would associate irresponsibility and immaturity because they are related, there is still a difference.
Your husband has often caused problems in your marriage or life with his decisions.
That irresponsibility borders on reckless behavior. So it may have happened that because of some highly reckless moves of your husband, you have consequences. Examples could be problems with alcohol, say if he got fired for drinking on the job, or problems with gambling.
These are more extreme situations, but there can also be everyday examples of irresponsibility that don’t seem so serious, but they can be.
It annoys you that you always have to remind your husband about everything. Some malfunction happens in the house; for example, the water pipe breaks under the kitchen sink. Your husband will not react until you remind him to fix it several times.
There are also “small” things like that he never makes his bed after himself, never packs his clothes, never cleans the table after eating, and when you go to the bathroom after your husband, chaos awaits you.
You can’t help but constantly nag him about all these things that drive you crazy daily.
3. Your Husband Is Lazy and Unmotivated
You know that parents always want the best for their children. However, sometimes these wishes can be too much for these children and create a counter effect.
We’re not saying your husband isn’t lazy and unmotivated, but that doesn’t mean you should go around him like a mother telling him things like, “You’re wasting your life,” “Get a better job,” or the worst, “Everyone is better than you.”
We understand that you hate your husband’s job and want him to be more motivated to grow and improve in every way. But you won’t achieve anything with an aggressive attitude.
4. You Are The Person Who Likes To Be In Charge Of Everything
This is an example where we are talking more about you and not about your husband. You position yourself too authoritatively and dominant over others.
Are you the type of person who likes to keep everything in charge? Do you love to be a leader and guide others?
These are all admirable qualities but can also be toxic if you are too hard on others.
In this way, you can give the impression that you think you are better than others (and maybe you really think that), and everyone feels insecure in your presence, including your husband.
5 Signs That You Are Behaving Like a Mother to Your Husband
Here are the obvious signs that you are treating your husband more like a mother than a wife:
1. You Take Care Of Him Like A Child
You are taking on the role of a caregiver to your husband.
Are you constantly worrying about your husband, micromanaging his behavior, and reminding him to do things?
You know his schedule and responsibilities even more than he does. Parents often remind their children to do their homework, and that’s how you remind your husband to finish his chores.
Sometimes you must remind him of the most essential things, like regularly eating, going to bed on time, etc. This is like having a child.
2. You Are Nagging
This annoys him the most.
You keep going behind him and nagging him about everything: Whether he threw his socks on the floor, forgot to take out the trash, or a more serious negging concerning his crappy job.
Because of this constant nagging, your husband feels you are treating him like a small child who doesn’t know how to do anything alone.
3. You Are Controlling
This could be due to something stupid your husband did or didn’t do in the past.
You believe that he is inadequate to make the right decisions in life, which is why you are here to do it for him.
That’s why you control where he goes, who he hangs out with, how he spends his free time, etc.
You constantly check on him, he has to come home on time, and you don’t allow him the freedom of his choices. It goes without saying that you are in charge of how your husband is spending his money.
According to you, it is better that you control everything because your husband can only do stupid things without your supervision.
4. You Have Spoiled Your Husband
Not all parents are strict and restrictive; some spoil their children too much. Did you spoil your husband like that too?
Such a spoiled husband is spared all household duties. You are responsible for making lunch, grocery shopping, laundry… everything is your concern.
All your husband cares about is his job, and you’re there to give him a hero’s welcome when he gets home.
But you realize this isn’t how marriage should work.
5. You and Your Spouse Lose Attraction To Each Other
There are various consequences of this relationship in marriage.
One thing is for sure, if you treat your husband like a mother, there won’t be too much intimacy in your marriage.
Over time, your affection and passion are lost in this way.
Your husband may suffer from a lack of self-confidence because you are too controlling and you do everything for him.
And you may feel that you have had enough of playing mother to your husband and want an adult by your side.
How to Stop Acting Like a Mother to Your Husband?
The first step is self-awareness, recognizing this behavior and what it can lead to. After that:
1. Stop Controlling Your Husband
Hey, your husband is his own person. Yes, you are married, but everyone has the right to some personal choices.
Don’t be a detective and a strict parent to your husband.
It is possible to establish boundaries in a relationship without being controlling.
2. Respect Your Husband
Your husband is an adult, and you should treat him that way.
It’s okay to give a suggestion, but not an order.
You can’t just order an adult around like that. If you want him to change some of his behavior, address him like an adult and explain the benefits instead of constantly yelling at him.
3. Allow Your Husband to Make Mistakes
We’re not saying you should go along with him spending all your savings on gambling. That is extreme.
Everyone learns best from their mistakes.
Your husband can prepare lunch by himself without you interfering, even though he hates cooking. Even if it is not good enough, he will learn better next time.
The same principle goes for other things.
4. Don’t Spare Your Husband From Housework
You caused your husband to become spoiled because you did everything for him.
It’s time to change that. Your husband is not a guest in the house nor a superhero who should be spared all the chores.
It is possible to share chores and for both partners to participate equally. This is precisely what your husband needs to understand that he is not a child and that he must participate equally in the marriage.
When you act like a mother to your husband, you only make each other distant.
If it is related to your need for control, you must let go for the sake of your marriage.
But if your husband is still an immature boy, it’s time for Peter Pan to realize that Neverland only exists in fairy tales and to face reality as an adult.