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Should Couples Tell Each Other Where They Are Going?

It’s more than just whether couples tell each other where they are going. It is about whether you need to know where your partner is or if you feel that your partner controls you too much. What is behind these needs?

There is no one-size-fits-all answer to this question, but some essential points must be considered. Partners often notify each other of their plans when they are going somewhere.

But if there is a constant need to ask your partner where they are going, with whom, and when they will return, there is probably a trust issue. On the other hand, this is not the only reason. Let’s take a look.

woman talking with man in cafe

When Is It OK for Couples to Tell Each Other Where They Are Going?

For many couples, contacting each other when they leave the house and go somewhere is OK. Such behavior is quite common for many people, and they rarely make a problem out of them. 

Among other things, it’s polite to tell someone when you leave the room. It’s not so polite and desirable to just leave the house without saying anything, right?

On the other hand, there are practical benefits to telling your partner where you are going. One of these benefits is that someone still has to know where you are going just in case something happens. 

If something happens or your partner needs you urgently, they should know where you are.

Such behavior is primarily behavior that contributes to safety in life. Telling your partner you’re going fishing and not hearing back all day or not telling anything and not hearing back all day is not the same. 

A lot of things can happen that day to you and your partner, so it can be a problem if he can’t get to you, right?

When we think outside the box, it’s clear that there are several benefits to common sense telling your partner where you’re going. These are some of them:

  • You increase security and peace of mind for both partners
  • You ensure easier planning and organization of the day and obligations of both
  • Build trust in your relationship
  • Build intimacy and connection with your partner

When Is It NOT OK for Couples to Tell Each Other Where They Are Going?

However, there are situations when healthy reasons for partners to share information about where they are going are overcome. Some people constantly need to know where their partner is, with whom, what they are doing, and when they come home. 

Such behavior is usually not reasonable and focused on the reasons we talked about but is focused on the need to gain control over another person.

There are several reasons behind the constant need to know where your partner is. They usually relate to mistrust, suspicion, and insecurity in the relationship. Let’s see a little more detail about it. 

Why Do You Always Need to Know Where Your Partner Is?

If you have noticed a problem related to sharing the location in your relationship, there is probably a good reason for it. Unsatisfied needs or real situations from the past are usually behind such behavior.

When we talk about real situations from the past, we mean: is there a real reason to check your partner? The questions you can ask yourself at that moment are:

  • Do I not trust my partner today because of something that happened in the past?
  • Have I ever confirmed my thinking that my partner is hiding something from me? When?
  • What exactly happened?
  • Why do I think there is cause for concern now?
  • What can I do about it?

There are other reasons for being overly concerned about your partner’s location, such as unmet needs. 

1. Mistrust and Jealousy

Mistrust and jealousy in a relationship are never healthy reactions. Despite what many teach us that jealousy is partially desirable in a relationship, this is often untrue. 

Jealousy reflects your insecurity and mistrust of your partner and your relationship. Because of this, partners often ask questions such as:

  • Where are you going?
  • Who are you going to be with?
  • Why are you going there?
  • When will you be back?
  • Why can’t I go with you? Because you’re hiding something from me, aren’t you?

2. Self-doubt

Self-doubt is also one of the reasons why a partner would be insecure about his relationship and seek constant control over the movements of the other partner. Low self-esteem and self-confidence can lead people to think like this: “They must be going somewhere now where they have more fun. They won’t be here with me being boring.”

In combination with the fear of abandonment, such thinking will lead to you often asking your partner where they are going and when they will be back.

3. Fear of Being Abandoned

The fear of abandonment is a common fear based on our childhood. An unstable family environment in early childhood and/or growing up also plays a significant role. 

These are dysfunctional family environments where children suffer and where their basic needs for basic security, autonomy, and setting realistic boundaries are not met.

That is why these people need others as guides and a source of support, just like their parents used to be. They see emotional relationships with others as the primary and only source of safety. 

Therefore, they invest a large amount of energy into that relationships. For this reason, they often have a strong need to control their partner, precisely for fear of losing them, which is mostly counterproductive.

4. Excessive Need for Control

In addition to all of the above, the excessive need to control and maintain control over one’s life leads to the fact that one of the partners insists on knowing everything that happens in the other person’s life.

It is difficult to separate this need from other unsatisfied needs we wrote about above. All these unsatisfied needs are intertwined.

If you recognize yourself in some of these patterns of behavior and thinking, ask yourself if there is a valid reason behind it. Ask yourself, is there a reasonable, well-founded reason why you don’t trust your partner, or is the problem in overthinking?

What Is Behind the Need for One of the Partners Not to Share Their Location?

However, there are other sides to the coin. On the other hand, what happens when the partner sees a problem in sharing the location with you? 

Healthy relationships should be fine sharing where you are going. However, if one of the partners feels pressure and mistrust, such behavior will probably lead to a counter-effect.

Invade of personal boundaries through the constant need to know every step that the partner takes is manifested through questions, suspicious looks, frequent arguments, bickering, checking, and nagging.

That can make the other person feel trapped. 

So what should you do in such situations?

Find a Good Balance

Finally, the decision to tell each other where they are going should be made case-by-case basis. Couples must have open and honest conversations about their individual needs, preferences, and concerns. 

By working together to establish clear boundaries and expectations, you can find a balance that works for you and your partner.

Some couples may choose to share location information only when necessary or when they feel it will benefit their relationship. Others may prefer to be more open and transparent about their whereabouts. 

Whatever the approach, the most important thing is that both partners feel comfortable and respected.

In conclusion, there is no one correct answer to whether couples should tell each other where they are going. 

However, by being mindful of each other’s needs and preferences, couples can find a way to communicate that works for them. Healthy relationships are built on trust, respect, and mutual understanding. 

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