Regardless of the reasons why your husband got fired, here are some instant tips on how to behave before you make any crucial move:
- Don’t start a fight. You will only victimize him this way even more.
- Don’t blame him instantly, even if it was his fault.
- Don’t start the “I told you so” treatment.
- Stay calm and reasonable. Let him calm down, too, before you start investigating.
- Offer support and understanding regardless of his issues.
Getting fired is the least of your worries if your husband has a drinking issue.
Alcoholism is an addiction and demands severe treatment.
Suppose your husband is not an alcoholic, but drinking on the job was an exception for him.
In that case, you should help him learn about the work law – there is a chance he was set up and not treated fairly.
Your Husband Got Fired for Drinking on the Job – Steps to Take
Alcoholism therapy involves helping people receive help for the lifestyle consequences they’ve incurred throughout their active drinking, including their career-related effects, in addition to addressing the physical and psychological concerns linked with excessive drinking through detox and rehab.
Many businesses have procedures in place to deal with workplace substance abuse that enable employees to obtain the assistance they need and keep their jobs after completing their program.
So if your husband got fired for drinking on the job, there might be many underlying issues you need to face individually and as a couple.
Understand It Is Not Your Fault
The first thing you need to know and accept is that you are not to blame or in any way responsible for what happened to your husband.
You are not obligated to save him, regardless of the reason behind his alcoholism or job loss.
You are both adults, which means that you have the capacity to take care of yourself. Even if you may have some problems in your marriage, it cannot be an excuse for alcohol abuse or behavior at work.
Nor can it be the reason that you now blame yourself for what happened to him. It is very important to draw a line between what you can do and what you should do for your husband.
If he has a drinking problem or, for some other reason, behaves irresponsibly at work, all you have to do is be honest about what you think about it and possibly offer support in terms of seeking professional help. And that’s about it.
There is no need to develop detailed plans. It is his duty, responsibility, and even obligation to seek help if he needs it.
If he doesn’t want to seek help, it’s time to think about how your life will look like with him if you constantly have to play the role of rescuer.
You can only help those who ask for help. Suppose your husband shows no initiative to change his behavior.
In that case, the real question is, what are you doing in this marriage?
What If He Does Not Have Drinking Issues?
Suppose your husband has been fired, and you know for sure that he is not an alcoholic.
In that case, it is possible that he is a victim of intrigue and misconduct at work. Seeking legal advice is the best source of action if you believe your husband was wrongly accused.
Although everything is possible in companies, the law can still provide protection from wrongdoing.
Still, you must be prepared for interrogations, confrontation with his colleagues, and the fact that everything he might have hidden will come to the surface.
In all of this, your husband has the main say. As much as you may want to fight for justice, it may be easier for him to find a new job.
Of course, getting fired for drinking at work can seriously jeopardize your future career, so it’s important to clarify what happened.
Maybe it was a celebration where everyone was drinking at work.
Still, he was the only one who got punished as the managers used it as an excuse to fire your husband because they couldn’t think of anything else.
They probably wanted to get rid of him long before. After the situation has settled and the anger subsides, you can talk to help your husband decide what he wants to do next.
What If He Has Drinking Issues You Didn’t Know About
When you discover that your husband has a problem you didn’t know about, it’s normal to feel hurt, betrayed, angry, furious, and helpless.
But alcoholism is not something anyone would want to brag about. Try to understand how ashamed your husband is of his problem.
Maybe he believed he would manage to get out of it alone. Maybe he didn’t even admit to himself that he had a problem.
The fact is that no one becomes an alcoholic by luck.
On the other hand, do not fall into the trap of self-accusation and look for the cause of his alcoholism in your marriage and relationship.
For someone to become an alcoholic, there must be a history of bad experiences, which in 99% of cases begin in early childhood.
In general, the cause of alcoholism is most often developmental trauma or some other type of trauma, and this is not something that can be solved by strong will.
People who fall into the vicious circle of addiction are most often unaware that they have a big problem in the beginning, until that addiction starts to leave consequences in important aspects of their life.
In this situation, you can only offer your husband comfort, acceptance, and support, but only to the extent that it does not harm you.
Any addiction requires long-term treatment and monitoring, and it only succeeds if the addict is very mortified.
You have to set limits within yourself, up to which you will support your husband and when you will give up.
For starters, try not to dismiss him because he has a problem and leave the rest to the experts. If he does not want to turn to experts, the problem is much bigger.
What Not to Say to a Spouse Who Is an Alcoholic?
First, avoid approaching your loved one when they are impaired by alcohol if you want to talk to them about their drinking.
It is uncommon for talking to someone who is drunk to have a favorable effect. Instead, attempt to speak to the person you love when they’re sober.
Try initiating this conversation with “I” statements rather than an accusation: “I am sad to watch you partake in unsafe drinking.”
Although your husband may be displaying symptoms of an alcohol use disorder, such as routinely consuming more alcohol than is recommended, being unable to reduce their alcohol consumption, or growing financial, interpersonal, and professional issues, it might not be beneficial to bring up these issues directly with him.
A remark like “Your continual drinking is causing issues in our relationship” places the responsibility on your loved one and may elicit a defensive response, decreasing your chances of having an open and fruitful discussion.
Before bringing up any of their wrongdoings, express your worry, disappointment, or grief to see if your loved one would respond more kindly.
It’s possible that your loved one is secretly worried about themselves and hasn’t told you about it yet. Your thoughtful remarks may pave the way for additional discussions and activities.
Your loved one can be quietly concerned about themselves and not yet let you know. Your kind comments could open up new topics for conversation and activity.
- When approaching a loved one, show empathy.
- Give your support while being open and honest about your worries.
- Make sure they know you’re available if they need to talk.
- Ask if you can drive them to meetings.
- Self-care is important. Make sure you receive love and support while offering it to your spouse.
It’s possible to get too preoccupied with someone’s well-being when alcoholism impacts a spouse or partner.
Codependency is the term for this. You can reach a point when you are driven to assist your loved one in getting better.
On the other hand, family and friends frequently have strong emotional links that make it difficult for them to maintain the impartial perspective required for therapy.
If codependency is not managed, it can result in more significant consequences, including blaming, compulsive behavior, and mental health problems. Setting boundaries is vital.
Thankfully, you may still offer help without taking on a counseling or coaching role.