When we get married, we swear eternal love and expect happily ever after.
But unfortunately, nowadays, it is often different.
Why do marriages not last in 2023? In addition to the fact that marriage is not as strong an institution as before in today’s culture, there is also the usual lack of trust, communication, tolerance, intimacy, and different priorities.
These are the main pillars of any successful marriage, and when some collapse, divorce occurs.
Because of all this, marriage is less strong an institution than before.
The divorce rate worldwide is 4.08 per 1,000 married persons as of May 2022. Divorce is becoming more widespread in today’s society.
Of course, there are also wonderful and quality marriages today, but it is noticeable that things have changed since the generations of our grandfathers.
In this article, we delve deeper into the topic and explain why divorces are becoming more common.
Why Don’t Marriages Last These Days? 5 Most Common Reasons
Usually, when people get married, they expect it to last forever.
But there are “irreconcilable differences,” as they usually say in the announcements when a celebrity couple divorces.
What are the reasons that lead to it:
1. Lack of Tolerance and Patience
“Tolerance and patience should not be read as a sign of weakness. They are signs of strength.”
— Dalai Lama
Although tolerance is promoted everywhere, it seems counterproductive, and patience is decreasing overall.
Likewise, in marriage, people have less and less patience and tolerance for their partner.
The fast-paced lifestyle has made us constantly impatient.
Everyone’s egos are enormous these days. Social media has made it possible for everyone to be a celebrity in their own mind.
In the modern narrative, the individual puts his needs above others; it is no wonder that marriages will fail then.
Marriage is the opposite of that.
It demands that we sometimes sacrifice our interests and find compromises.
There is less tolerance now because everyone thinks they have less to lose.
Divorces go fast, and the other partner is already around the corner. Why should you put up with someone, then?
Of course, we should not put up with someone who mentally and physically abuses or does not understand us.
But you can’t give up after the first argument.
Marriage is a bumpy ride. Sometimes not everything goes according to plan, and arguments are frequent.
But if they are constant, even these tiny arguments can lead to the collapse of a marriage.
A wife who gets mad at her husband for not doing enough around the house or a husband who calls his wife lazy.
Such things will make someone think about divorce instead of trying to get to the heart of the problem and solve it.
2. Lack of Respect
“The only really sound marriages are those based on mutual respect”
— Billy Graham
Mutual respect between partners is the basis for a stable marriage.
If we directly disrespect our partner by humiliating or cheating, these are signs that the marriage is over.
A husband who does not respect boundaries with female coworkers is a typical example of disrespecting his partner.
But disrespect can come in many forms.
For example, preventing a partner from chasing his dreams by telling him that something is not for him.
Today, everyone is encouraged to chase their dreams, not to be satisfied with imposed things, and that happiness is outside their comfort zone.
Disrespect is also talking bad about your partner, especially in front of others.
Ugly comments about physical appearance can damage a spouse’s self-confidence.
For example, the wife gains a few pounds and struggles to lose weight, and the husband makes nasty comments about it.
3. Lack of Intimacy
“The deepest moments of intimacy occur when you are not talking”
— Patricia Love
And when you are not talking, you should be…making love.
Do you know what it’s like when sparks fly between partners at the beginning of a relationship?
They usually decrease a little over time, but it is not good to turn them off completely.
Lack of intimacy and sex can reduce libido, increase stress, cause poor communication in marriage, growing insecurities, and separation or divorce.
If one partner is not satisfied with the sex life in marriage, he will look for intimacy elsewhere.
Um, but that’s nothing new? Cheating in marriages has always existed.
Why is all this more pronounced today than before?
Because it seems so easy to cheat these days.
Social networks have contributed to this, where it is easy to find someone, not to mention dating apps that only serve that purpose.
There are no pictures of nature and dogs like on Instagram. Dating apps are straight to the point.
4. Unfulfilled Expectations
“Expectations can lead to disappointment and ultimately resentment.”
Both men and women can be very disappointed in their marriage when they realize that everything is not according to their expectations.
They may sound like a stereotype, but we will mention two typical examples, but of course, disappointments can come in different forms.
Women love that romantic version of love.
A mix of “Titanic” and “The Notebook,” but also a bit of “Sex and The City” just to spice things up, and thus we get some unrealistic expectations that the average man will not meet.
Men like to say how simple they are, but they also have some fairy tales in their heads.
A woman who is always beautiful and treats them like heroes when they come home from work and bring them beer while they play video games all day.
5. Different Priorities in Life
“Those who enter into marriage must be fully prepared to establish their marriage as the first priority in their lives”
— James E. Faust.
Many people enter marriage immature today and need to understand that they must coordinate their priorities with their partner.
Keeping your marriage alive should be your number one priority.
Even when we disagree with our partner on something, we should find a common solution to satisfy both parties.
Different priorities can be reflected in many ways.
Let’s say one partner is highly competitive and obsessed with money, while the other is laid back and not too interested in material things.
In that case, the competitive partner will accuse the other partner of being lazy and unmotivated.
It’s the same when one partner is social while the other doesn’t even want to hang out with friends.
Someone will say now that opposites attract, and it’s not that it’s not entirely true.
But when it comes to marriage, living together, and aligning priorities, huge opposites won’t be able to work together.
Why Aren’t Marriages Lasting Like in Our Grandparent’s Generation? 4 Reasons
Nothing is better than a good old clash of generations on serious topics like marriage. Entertainment is guaranteed.
We can already hear our grandparents saying: “Back in my days…”
And was everything so good in their time?
The institution of marriage has changed a lot since our grandparents’ time. What are some essential differences:
1. It Used To Be a Greater Shame to File For Divorce
Today, people who get divorced do not face resentment from the environment as before.
In such a more traditional and patriarchal environment, divorce was much less common.
The good thing about people not divorcing too quickly is that they didn’t give up on the first obstacle in marriage.
People repaired things. They didn’t immediately throw them away.
That’s how they treated marriage too.
Unfortunately, this also had negative consequences because, for example, women did not divorce their abusive husbands because of shame.
2. There are Many More Choices Today
By those choices, we don’t just mean partner choices and about the promiscuous behavior that is more prevalent today.
We also think about life choices.
Before, the leading society messages were “find a job and get married.”
Today, the statements are more directed toward finding happiness and that marriage is not the primary goal.
3. Different Attitudes of Society Toward Marriage
Today, society is more and more focused on work and less on the family.
Marriage was the most crucial thing in the life of every individual.
The whole family participated in the choice of an individual’s partner.
Today it is not like that, and people get married because if they change their minds, they will easily get divorced.
Divorces today are easy and quick, but they can still leave consequences, especially if children were born from that marriage.
4. Traditional Gender Roles
We come to awkward but true topics.
In the time of our grandfathers, the man was considered the ultimate provider of the family.
A woman was considered the pillar of the house and took care of the family.
Today, such a relationship has mostly been lost.
There are still traditional housewives, but today, a woman is encouraged to pursue a career.
While the role of men has remained somewhat the same, much more is expected of them to participate in household duties.
If you are a guy, your grandfather probably makes fun of you for cleaning the house and watering the flowers.
All Things Considered
Society changes, and each generation brings its own new rules.
It is best to take what is good from previous generations and discard what is wrong.
For example, we can apply from previous generations not to give up at the first obstacle in a marriage.
But unlike them, let’s not hurt ourselves trying to put together what is already broken.